the eff word

"So anyway, blah blah blah. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know I'm just some random chick you met on the internet, but I hope you think of me as a friend, and know that I'm here for you."

"I do think of you as my friend. That is a fact. I feel like I can trust you, and am totally comfortable talking to you, which is clear because of the nonsense that's come out of my mouth during this conversation".


Vero says I'm just trying to deny my feelings. I don't want to like him, but I do. I know he's hooking up with other people. He's told me. I keep trying to do the same but I just don't want to. I can't help it. I'm distracted, fascinated, overwhelmed by the fact that my face hurts from laughing so much after we spend time together. I hate this. Why can't I just let it be?

Can't carry it with you if you want to survive

So tomorrow I head to Canadia-eh for the little brother's wedding. Which is crazy. I mean, it was one thing when the sister got married, but in my head my little brother is still wearing short pants and staging elaborate WWF battles (the wrestlers, not the animals - it used to be WWF, y'all) in our family room. Probably whilst making machine gun noises.

He did that.
------

Just talked on the phone to The artist (he of Monday night's sleepover). I have such mixed feelings about this guy - like I think I really like him but at the same time he scares the living crap out of me b/c I can't figure out if he's actually into me.

Which is, of course, kind of ridiculous b/c sometimes he is so very *clearly* into me.

I know it's just my brain caught up in the crashbangboom chemistry of lust and excitement of liking someone new. Or at least part of me knows.

Part of me just wants him to throw me down and fuck me 'til I can't think anymore.

OK lots of parts of me want that.

I guess we'll see what's up after the weekend, anyway. He's promised to send me semi-naked pictures while I'm away. *fingers crossed*

Kind of Blue

It's the 50th anniversary of the recording of Miles Davis' Kind of Blue today, so I'm playing it this afternoon, I think, while I'm doing my photoshop futzing about.

I know about this anniversary because I've finally got my CBC RadioONE working through my innerweb. I've really missed CBC. I may have mentioned it before this, but NPR just isn't the same. I was really worried about the programming changes a couple of years ago and will never forgive them for taking Northern Lights off the air (that program soothed me to sleep over the course of so many bad nights I can't even count them), but the Q is seriously entertaining. Today they interviewed Andy Samberg's comedy troupe and talked about the Canada Reads program. Oh and played a killer listener call response to yesterday's feature on the movie Rip, which is a discussion of dj music, copyright law, sampling and creativity.

Ooo I have a job interview tomorrow. It's for a position that I'm not particularly qualified for, and for which I am pretty sure that they're going to hire a grad student who is currently doing the job, but it's an interview nonetheless. I'm extremely nervous, am too fat for my work clothes, and wish I could have a cocktail before heading in to soothe my brain.