i call this one 'wardrobe malfunction'

mystery of the dial up internet solved - the kiddo was yanking all the bandwidth to download some massive game. i made him pause till later tonight and reset the damn thing. now we're moving along at a much quicker clip.

we went 'cross the border to hit the outlet malls today. the sales were good but the lineup was an hour on the way down and almost two on the way back. naturally my family makes me drive so i'm tired and cranky and am supposed to be going out to see judge jules tonight and really really want carlot boy to call, ask if i want to go curl up somewhere and drink wine and make out, and save me from all night dance parties. how pissed would my friends be? oh mighty pissed, young raspberry. mighty pissed.

shit i just vomitted up my dinner. see, i should never eat when stressed out / angry. it's not good for me.

anyhoooooo i'm heading out tonight and am less than excited. it has more to do with the border lineups and my strong desire to curl up with a cute boy and make out more than it does my lack of desire to go out. plus i know that when i least want to go, i always end up having the *most* fun, so i'll buck up and smile.

i was stricken by a strong sense of missing tnb earlier, cause i was talking to mike b from away and felt very lonely. therefore, it wasn't really tnb i was missing, just the male companionship. oh well - i'll have some of that tomorrow, right?

fortified with the liquor store

my innerweb connection is fucking SLOW like dial up slow like bang my head on the keyboard slow like before when we were with telus there were days it didn't work at all but when it did work at least it was fucking FAST slow.

i just might kill somebody. it's pretty fucking slow. (wow when i said that i totally had tnb's voice in my head. scary shit, dude.)
HEY speaking of tnb do you know that he didn't even call me to say merry merry? fucker. not like i called him either, but since the last thing he said to me was 'i'll call you tomorrow' and that was three weeks ago i don't think i was entirely out of line for leaving him off my christmas card list this year, you know?

are you tired of looking at me yet? well too fucking bad 'cause i'm all about this camera thing. i'm also getting kind of freaky about the impending plans for this weekend - like excited anxious freaky like maybe not so much in a good way freaky like i should maybe go spend some money to make myself feel better freaky.

i'm just sayin'.

hey i missed watching supernatural this week somehow. i think it was 'cause i lost the remote and turned on the tv but then got stuck on a channel. do you think people only used to have one channel 'cause they didn't have remotes, or was it vice versa? huh. interesting thought. oh i found it, by the way, in my tshirt drawer. how did it get there, you ask? well i obviously decided it was a good place to store the stupid thing. clearly.

i may have been drunk at the time.

who's to say.

i'm trying to upload another picture but it's so fucking slow that the damn thing keeps timing out I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEONE i swear to god. ok fuck it no more pictures i'm gonna go spend money.

space flunky, four on the floor

so this time last year i posted the following helpful form letter. i know that you, like me, will most likely have use for it over the upcoming weekend. the problem with new year's falling on friday saturday or sunday is that you are compelled to fill the other weekend nights with debauchery of a comparable level. can't have any of them feeling inadequate, you know.

clearly.

so anyway, as a public service (no one can say that we here at the sundae sanatorium are anything but helpful), here is the letter. feel free to print it out and distribute as necessary. pants, ciavarro, i may have you in mind.

Dear Mr. / Mrs. ___________

I am writing to apologize for my ________ behaviour the other night, and i hope that despite everything, you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I should have known there would be a problem when your ______ first brought out the ________ of _______ that was so big it needed a handle. I was nervous about meeting you for the first time, and although i can usually hold my ________, i thought that having a few ________ would help me to _________. I was obviously very very wrong.

I honestly don't remember much between _______ with your visiting relatives and _______, but i'm told that i made quite a scene. If past experience is anything to go by, I'm guessing I whipped out my ______ and said "______" a lot. I hope i didnt' try to sit on your husband's / wife's _________ or make out with your ______, but at this point, nothing would surprise me. In my mind, I was just trying to be _______. All i know is that i woke up bathed in _________, with a blinding hangover, next to your ________ in the _________ in your driveway. I'm guessing you probably saw the big pile of ______ on the table where we tried to ________, but I'm hoping you didn't walk in while we were ________. We disposed of the _______ in the ________, so hopefully you didn't stumble across that, but i'm sure the lingering _____ smell was unmistakable. I have a vague recollection of the _______ arriving, so I guess the person the neighbours heard at 4am shouting "________" was me. Oops. Sorry again.

I'd be happy to pay for the _________ I broke (I only threw my ________ out of it because i thought it was open) and replace the tub of ________ and the plastic ________ that went missing, and if you have any trouble getting the _______ stains and the ________ marks out of the furniture, please send me the cleaning bills.

Please accept my sincerest apologies and this _______ that I made.

For what it's worth, all the best of the holiday season, and once again, my deepest regrets for being such a _______, ________, ________. I don't usually show people that side of myself until the second or third meeting.

Remorsefully,


________________________


PS - if a pair of black mesh _________ you don't recognize turn up somewhere, they're probably mine. Since you probably never want to see me again, you may as well just keep them.

so for my new year i'm going to go hang out with a guy i met in a bar a year ago and haven't seen since (we chat almost daily - at least a few times a week - via the ehm ess enn, but no in-person type communication). now, this is the night *after* going to see judge jules, where there will surely bE somE party trEats imbibed. i do it only for the sake of the commentary which will surely follow. it's all for you, and for posterity. clearly. my gosh the things i put myself through for you people....

as an aside, how long does it generally take for the fascination with taking half naked photos of yourself wears off? 'cause last night i took a whole slew (the one posted previously included). carlot boy logged in during my photophrenzy and, once he learned what i was up to, commissioned an entirely topless shot. of course i had to fulfill his wants and desires. he's cute and is very sweet, despite my co-workers suspicions otherwise.

the topless one was just for him, though. sorry.

**edit** by the way, how fucking nicole richie skinny does my arm look in that picture? i've entitled it golem. i'm not a praying mantis stick bug, i swear to god. i'm actually kind of curvy..

hump day

ok i think that it's wednesday. i'm not entirely sure - this whole time off thing messes with my head, yo, and i dunno if i'm coming or going. what i do know is that i can't find my television remote and am utterly incapacitated. dude i *know* there's good tv on right now, i just can't *get* to it.

i also know that on friday (i think? yeah, friday) we are gonna go see judge jules at a dirty little club downtown. i think that going out the night before new year is quite revolutionary, socially, and i deserve a cookie for spearheading this campaign. my little set has plans to stay in for new year's eve and subvert the commercialism and wanton drunken overindulgence that the night has come to embody.

yeah i thought that idea sucked, too, so i'm gonna go to victoria to go to a party with a guy i met there last year.

i spent most of today in bed, getting up only to make tea and switch over laundry. well that is until 4pm or so when i had to get dressed to go for dinner with my family. it was a lovely dinner, but i vaguely resented having to take off my fuzzy winnie the pooh jammies and put on makeup and respectable clothing. you can tell how impressed i am based on my photo.

i am being insincere and ungrateful - it was a lovely dinner, the sister was in grand entertainer form and the restaurant is very nice. a girl sitting at the table next to us, however, did lead me by the hands to the brink of a moral dilemma. she removed her coat and let it slip down the back of the chair behind her. still stuck into the lining of the coat was the old navy pricetag - clearly a christmas or hanukkah gift of some sort. now, is it my place to point out to her that she's inadvertantly advertised to the restaurant that her jacket was $40 on sale? or do i simply let it go, seeing as the garment is outerwear?

i let it go, figuring that it would embarress her more to have her slip pointed out. and hell, what do i know? she could be returning the damn thing on the drive home. who'm i to judge?

happy blog-day

two years ago in the sanatorium: "this would be my first attempt at this. i am, if you will, a blog virgin. i've been thinking about the wierdness of connecting with people on the internet. it's not like i have trouble meeting people in *real* life-- i am just fascinated by the sheer volume of people that i have no other way of coming in contact with. does this make me a bit of a tart? hmm i wonder."

i started this journal as a way of getting my thoughts out of my head.. as a way of getting myself back into the habit of writing daily. what it has turned into is that, as well as a really interesting way of connecting to people whom i've never met - just the thing that i said i was fascinated with way back when. it's hard, sometimes, to think that i've been doing this for two years, and am still interested in keeping it going. i've met some great people over the innerweb - both in person and metaphysically - and i come here every day looking for conversation, and for inspiration, and just to get the sense that i'm part of a community of people who have been flung together by more than just a job or the convenience of location or the same taste in music. i like to think that there is a little more to friendships forged with people who connect almost exclusively cerebrally.

but that's just me.

peace on earth

i'm busy simultaneously helping my mama try out her new fancy-schmancy corkscrew and introducing her to several new varieties of red wine. see, last night i stuck to vodka and passed out watching 'a christmas carol', only to wake up two hours later, the tv blaring a infomercial, mostly on top of the blankets and half spooning my sister.

don't be dirty - her and my brother stayed over 'cause of the whole first thing in the morning thing. there isn't enough beds.

'round about eightpm i texted a message to carlot boy wishing him a merry ho ho xoxo. he responded back milliseconds later, offering the same greeting, heavy on the x. we swapped lacivious notes for a few minutes, then i begged off to partake in family type wholesome activities, only to receive an eleven30 phone call asking if i wanted to maybe sneak out for a drive.

i declined. well, mostly i passed out. but whatevs.

what did santa bring you? it seems like that naughty elf tapped into my picture pondering and has weighed in on the situation by leaving a lovely digital camera under the tree with raspberry's name on the tag. i experimented with some boob shots a la the pants but nothing came out quite to my liking. soon, though, i imagine.


holy shit, by the way, and merry christmas to me - the constantines are playing the media club jan 15...

'twas the night before

so it's christmas eve and once again i feel as though i've rushed up to this day (which is one of my favourite days of the year) and have missed a whole bunch of stuff that should have been done. now it's too late and it won't get done until at least next year.

i guess, though, if it didn't *get* done it probably didn't really need to.

i've made:

• nanaimo bars
• fudge
• oreo cheesecake squares
• raspberry white chocolate shortbread
• hazelnut cappucino cookies
• pecan sandies
• chewy nut squares
• milk chocolate almond bark
• two different kinds of nuts - one sweet & one savoury
• chocolate macaroon shortbread

i think that's all. i was going to make more but ran out of time/energy.

the kiddo is getting pretty much *every*thing on his list. it's quite sick, really - but he's the only child/grandchild and so i guess that is the way things should work.

christmas at my house starts late in the afternoon christmas eve. neighbours and/or my parents' work colleagues come by for tea and sweets and my mom gets kind of stressed out 'cause she is happy they've come to visit, but worried about being kept away from feast-type preparations. once they've all gone home, we sit down to supper. my mama grew up in northern ontario, and lived in a town with a high population of french canadians, so christmas was as much about the parties and gatherings and festivities of the eve as it was about the day. we have tourtiere, which is traditionally served on Reveillon (christmas eve) in quebec. this is one of the big deals i remember from being a kid, which kind of slipped away when my sister and i left home, but which i reinstated a few years ago. except now, i make it instead of my mom. it's a meat pie of ground beef and pork simmered with spices and broth, then cooked with grated potato and carrot and baked in the oven till it's golden brown. i can't eat it, of course, so i'm always on a quest to find myself an appropriate replacement, but it's still super important to me for it to be there.

when supper's through we clear up and bring out the games and the cocktails. we play board games and just basically laugh for hours. friends come in and join for a while, then head off to spend time with their own families, or friends who are away from their families come and spend the night. once the kiddo and my brother (who's the youngest sibling so adopts the role of the baby again on this night) have gone to bed, the 'santa' gifts come out and the stockings are filled. my parents wait till i've gone to bed to do mine, but i always sneak back up to flip on the tree lights and just look at it for a few moments in peace. then i go to bed and wait for the kiddo or my brother to wake me up at six or some other equally sick hour of the morning. once the presents are done, we start eating and basically eat all day. eventually, if it's not raining, i'll start to go stir crazy and have to get out for a walk or something, but everyone else will nap or watch movies or talk to family in ireland and do all of that good stuff, until it's time for dinner.

i guess most people's holiday traditions are the same - an amalgamation of whatever cultural or family backgrounds have combined, then evolved into something new. for example, when my sister was away, we always put a lit candle in the front window to guide her home for christmas eve (my dad comes from generation upon generation of sailors). i imagine tonight we'll do it for her boyfriend, who's off at sea again this year. we have french canadian tourtiere for christmas eve dinner, cause that's how my mom grew up. i am curious to see which traditions the kiddo will take with him when he leaves home and starts his own family, and which traditions his future wife will bring with her. i'm also always curious about the traditions of other people - what are yours?

anyway... i guess it's probably time for me to get up and start my day. i'm off for brunch with mike b - tomorrow he's flying to thailand for five weeks and so we are going to spend a little time together today. then i have to come home and start preparations for dinner tonight. if i don't speak with you again, have a merry merry christmas full of love and food and kindness and sharing. i wish you all the best of the day and of the season, and hope that all of your christmas dreams come true.

love, raspberry
xoxo

day before the night before

so i went back to the doctor today after a couple of months of blood test and puzzlement and being oh-so-very tired all the time (the kind of tired where some days i'm not sure if i am going to make it home from work or the shop or wherever it is that i am without falling asleep and crashing my car and going out in a smashy-smashy blaze of jon bon jovi-esque glory).

she made me do one of those little circle the number tests to see if i am depressed 'cause there's no real medical reason for the sleepy sleepy. i answered to the best of my ability but there were some where i just selected the answer closest to the right one rather than write a brief summary of the truth which would probably make me look not so much depressed as fucking crazy.

(what do you mean young raspberry? well for example question 7) do you restrict your eating in order to lose weight? answer) yes sometimes, but more often i get so anxious about the food i *have* eaten that i vomit the contents of my stomach and so feel better and don't need to diet. or, perhaps, question 9)do you have less interest in sex than you used to? answer) yes kind of really it's more like i want to go out and fuck random anonymous men who will only treat me like shit in order to justify my own sense of self loathing. that's pretty normal, isn't it? thought so)

she feels that i am, indeed, depressed - perhaps even *very* depressed. she recommends getting a sad light and exercising for 45 min a day five days a week.

i'll get right on that.

well, after i drink myself into a stupor, of course.

yay for vay-kay

omg i'm off till jan three and i'm so happy i could spin through the house pirouetting and laughing out loud. i love the fact that our office closes for that week. it's the best thing ever 'cause i spent a lot of time in school and am pretty used to having extended periods of time where i don't have to do anything but nurse a hangover headache, walk around in my jammies, cook increasinly elaborate meals that are deceptive in their seeming simplicity, and read paperback novels in coffee shops.

so here i go off to do those very things for a week and a half. which, of course, means that i'm either going to be very prolific or very absent from these hallowed halls. probably prolific 'cause lets not kid i don't really have much of a life.

i went out for dinner with mike b last night to this place downtown called villa del lupo (mr wolf it seems right up your alley). i ate and ate and ate more than i've eaten the rest of the week put together and it was so frickin' good i almost died. i even ate a few things that i am kind of allergic too so had a bit of a bad belly when i got home but muthafucka was worth it i swear to jeebus.

ok i was sitting here feeling a little self righteous about the whole finished with my christmas preparations thing but my brother just popped his head in and asked me to help him out with something for my sister so i guess i should haul my lazy assaholic out of bed and take a shower or some shit.

xoxo

don't think don't speak

i've been listening to adam freeland on the way to work in the morning. it's really really good - house-y breaks keep me seat dancing all over the car. spo, if you ever find the adam freeland on that site, you'll understand.
----------------------------------------------------

sent the carlot boy a text message last night "you are horrid for my poor ego" i said. he is more than a little bit of a workaholic. he'll turn up and we'll go have a drink and a good chat and kiss a bit then i won't see him or hear from him for three months. when i do he'll be in the middle east for six weeks visiting family (now that was a crazy phone call to get) or he'll have taken over another car dealership and be working fourteen hour days.

he called back about an hour later - "sorry" he said. "i was playing hockey." we chatted for a while as he drove home, then he rang off, saying he'll call today.

i'll bet you five bucks it'll be march before i talk to him again.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the sister is matchmaking. i think she's completely puzzled by the state of my lovelife. (aren't we all, the sundae asks knowingly). she's picked out a new victim, erm i mean potential suitor, for me and is trying to arrange a meeting. i feel a certain amount of hesitance / reluctance to date anyone my sister has chosen for me, especially someone who she considers a friend. how awkward will it be when i completely fuck the situation up - cause we all know that i will. (yes, yes you will, sundae, says the sundae, nodding knowingly).
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fuckitol / edible telephones / whale blubber

think, thank, thunk

ok so here's the deal.

in just over a week, my little bloggity blog will be two. what am i thinking of doing to celebrate, you ask?

well, i'm thinking of coming out of the closet.

no, not that way, you cheeky monkey.

i mean, up until this point this journal has been mostly anonymous. there are a few people from my 'real' life who know about this, but i can count those people on one hand. or at least i think i can.

(hey if you are reading this and you know who i am but have never 'fessed up, now is the time, by the way.)

but i'm thinking of maybe putting up some pictures. like, the kind where you can actually see who i am.

i hesitate for two reasons. the first is that i've talked about stuff here that i'd be kind of embarassed for some people to read about - especially if people i worked with found out about this site. the second is that i worry i'd be less inclined to talk openly and honestly if you could see who i am - most especially about sex and stuff.

yes i realize i haven't written about sex in a while but it's 'cause i'm NOT HAVING ANY.

oooooo hey... if i posted a photo or two of myself, perhaps someone would actually take me up on it when i announce that i'm looking for a date or some male type company for the evening. mind you then again perhaps people who've contemplated it before would run away screaming.

hmmmmm.

what to do? what do you think? stay anonymous or start putting up pictures of myself? if you self-identify on your sites, do you censor yourselves, or not censor and get asked awkward questions? how do you handle the work thing? there are such positives and negatives to both sides of the issue. it will take some thinking but by the twenty.7th i shall make a decision.

five habits

minako tagged me to talk about five of my wierd habits, and so here i am giving up the goods. in more ways than one, if you get my drift.

1. i group things in threes. whenever i organize stuff on my desk, or on counters, or as a display, they are always in threes, in sort of a triangle type pattern.
   
2. when i pour myself coffee in the morning, i take the full cup to the stop of the stairs, stop, and take a little sip before descending. that's my first sip, and i do it that way every day.
   
3. i do things in a circular way - for example, when i apply eyeliner, i do the top lid of the right eye, then the bottom lid, then the bottom lid of the left eye then the top. makes a circle - closes the loop. i also drive home via one route, then home by another, but the home route picks up the to-work route, so a round trip makes a circle.
   
4. i obsessively search for relationship advice on the internet, even when i'm not in a relationship. i know, it's fucked, but i can't stop wondering whether or not someone, somewhere, has it all figured out.
   
5. i play with my nose ring all the time - i turn it around and fiddle with it and pull it half out.
   

well that's my five. i'm supposed to tag people to carry on... i don't like to do that but if you want to play then post in the comments so i can see :)

wtf?

what? nobody wants the cd? holy heck you offer people free stuff i figured you'd be lining up. no dice. no love. i can't get no respect.

so my car lot boy was online when i logged in after spending the evening hanging with my folks.i was half loaded after drinking the better part of a bottle of cab-sav (minus the part i splashed across the white living room carpet whilst gesticulating wildly). anyway, carboy said to me 'i'm near your neighbourhood and my buddies want to go to a club. save me - let me come pick you up'. i hemmed and haw'd, then thought hell why not? it's only midnight.

my buddy from work, the one who's been trying to get me to be naked for him, was chatting with me at the same time. he started getting funny - making comments like how carboy was clearly coming to get me for a bootycall and how come i'd give it up for him but not for my colleague etc. i tried to point out that carboy had been nothing but gentlemanly thus far in our outings, and that he knows me better than that. workboy was doubtful. however, carboy picked me up, we went and had a drink but the band in the pub was distressingly loud (by loud read awful) so we drove around a bit in the fog then parked and sat and chatted. he was nothing but gentlemanly, though let me know that he was, literally, sitting on his hands to keep them from acting otherwise.

i love being right.

*yawn*

is it just me, or has this been the world's LONGEST week. like i'm sure that i've done enough work for two or three weeks,and yet it's only wednesday.

(i'm not calling it hump day 'cause of the recent, erm, scare - i may be put off for a bit.)

i'm tickled to report that there will be no young tnb/raspberry knock-offs running about the place. i must admit that i was getting a bit, shall we say, stressed. and i may have caught myself examining the circumference of my belly once or twice. or three times. or every twenty minutes in a self obsessed fashion that even the most narcissistic megalomaniac i know would be proud of.

work's been crazy and life has been kind of uneventful. i don't mind really hustling at the ol' place of employ as long as i'm blowing off the steam and the tension with some really hot dirty wild exhausting sex (which clearly isn't happening) or going out and dancing my bum off.

but i'm doing neither.

especially the sex.

goshfukkit.

somebody help a girl out?

i don't like mondays (tell me why)

i'm so sleepy.

i think i'm in the onepercent of people who react to reactine. i know that the name of the drug sort of implies that you would react to reactine, but, according to the innerweb, you aren't supposed to.

and if that *is* what's happening, i think it's a bit of a double edged blade - see, it's sucking the energy, the glow, the life out of me like some kind of sucking suck machine,it's making the skin at my hairline all dry and itchy. but it seems to have also make my period, my nemesis, the bane of my existence, disappear. or at least be ten days late.

mind you, i'm completely self diagnosing.

i could be pregnant.

with tnb's baby.

how freakin funny would that be?

it would be, as spo says, a corker.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

in other news, mr newly did NOT fall off the planet, as it may have appeared previously. *phew*. he's not, unfortunately, coming to visit for new year this year. he's opting for skiing in france over skiing in whistler. i imagine there are more females in france, as god knows there are only six in whistler.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

in other other news, i moved the waking up with sundae list to the sidebar, but feel free to comment in either the original post, or in whatever the most recent post is, and i'll addalong.

c'est formidable!

ok this is attempt two at this post. i'm no less enthusiastic, however.

ok so i had this fucking unbelievable idea.

ok so actually it was spo's idea, but i'm stealing it, dammit, 'cause he didn't exercise the idea to its fullest potential.

on his site he created a list of the top ten songs which get him out of bed in the morning. i think it'd be really cool to take that list and republish it here. yay wicked idea, raspberry. no wait, there's more.

i also want to list the songs added in the comments. and i want to add some songs of my own. and i want people to comment with the songs that get *them* going in the morning - those songs you play in the car when you are stuck in traffic when maybe you didn't get a lot of sleep, or maybe you aren't feeling that well, or maybe it's still technically yesterday 'cause you haven't been to bed but you have your performance review so can't call in sick, or maybe just want to stay in bed with the pets and a mug of tea and watch martha, or maybe that's just me.

then i want to create a playlist that makes some sort of sense with those songs. then i will burn it to a cd (not that we condone piracy here at the sundae salon). then i will send this cd to people who email (raspberry sundae at gmail dot com) me their addresses.

it might take me a bit though 'cause of the whirling dervish xmass frenzy of baking drinking shopping cocktail party that is my life (new coping strategy: alcohol plus busybusy = no thinkythinky) so you will have to be patient.

part the first: spo's list

1. Paul Simon – Me and Julio
   
2. Badly Drawn Boy - Once around the Block
   
3. Feist – Mushaboom
   
4. The Coral – In the Morning
   
5. Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc
   
6. Finlay Quaye – Sunday Shining
   
7. Kings of Convenience - I’d rather dance with you
   
8. Us3 - Cantaloop
   
9. Mr. Scruff - Get a move on
   
10. Billy Ocean – Get outta my dreams get into my car
    

part the second: the comments

1. coldplay - here comes the sun / beautiful world from emmy em
   
2. jack johnson - unnamed song from dbuc. sorry, dans, no cannibal corpse or napalm death. however, if i ever make an off to kill a postal worker compilation, i know who to call
   
3. the ramones - i wanna be sedated from mr. wolf
   
4. manic street preachers - girl who wanted to be a god from dan. how many fricking dans can there be?
   

part the third: sundae's pix

1. k-os - crabbukkit
   
2. ted leo and the pharmacists - little dawn or me & mia
   
3. lyrics born - pack up
   
4. clubfoot - kasabian
   
5. the stone roses - elephant stone
   
6. rage against the machine - bombtrack
   
7. the constantines - tank commander or nighttime / anytime (it's alright)
   
8. green day - basket case
   

ok i got a smidge carried away there. but go ahead. comment your picks if you haven't already, or even if you want to add more. i'll make executive editorial decisions (like pretending i didn't see bjork on the comment list), put together a decent collection and get the kiddo to give it a spiffy name.

how fun is that?

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edit - 9.24pm

i missed:

beastie boys: hey ladies

trix are for kids

hi, sorry, am depressed, feel uninspired uncreative unable to put my words down on the page.

business will resume as regularly scheduled imminently, i promise.

dec 6, 1989

Genevieve Bergeron- Nathalie Croteau - Anne-Marie Edward - Maryse Laganiere - Anne-Marie Lemay - Michele Richard - Annie Turcotte - Helene Colgan - Barbara Daigneault - Maud Haviernick - Maryse LeClair - Sonia Pelletier - Annie St-Arneault - Barbara Klucznik-Widajewicz

drinking and looking and drinking and looking and drinking and looking

So I’m not even sure about what I want to write about. The fact that I didn’t go out on my date ‘cause he had to reschedule then promptly didn’t call all weekend? The fact that I pretty much just shopped with my mama and hid in my bedroom? The fact that I talked to tnb last night and at the end of the conversation nothing was clear, everything was confused, and I just wanted to cry?

Nah that’s all boring shit.

I have to go get my allergies tested again. My dr. thinks that the reason I’m so tired and sluggish and crap is ‘cause my allergies are changing and I’m getting some new ones. So I get to go get poked and prodded and go on my crazy diet where I lose tonnes of weight and all that good stuff.

Hopefully it’ll happen *after* Christmas and I can lose everything that I accumulate over the holiday season cause lordy lordy I *DO* accumulate. And how much would it suck to have to go on it *during* Christmas when everyone is having cocktails and appetizers and goodies? Though I guess if there’s any season where you can only eat turkey, Christmas is as good a time as any, huh?

Funny how I iprefaced this commentary in such a fashion as to mislead you into believing that it, somehow, would *not* be boring. Tricky bitch.

The Sister sent me, a few weeks ago, one of those inspirational emails about men picking fruit from the bottom of the tree, and how I’m apparently something that hangs out at the top of the tree. Tnb said to me last night that I deserve someone who’ll treat me well, that I deserve someone good and he’s bad he’s bad he’s bad.

It’s funny how the people you know always have such high opinions of you, but at the same time it can be seemingly impossible to get a date, or have a boy call you or talk to you or whatever.

It’s sad that, after spending the last few years eagerly anticipating my fulfilling fun filled future as a crazy cat lady I may actually be allergic to cats.

Now what will I do?

tis the season

from the desk of rick mercer

sweet you rock

so today i was out with the kiddo buying him a new tongue stud (he lost a bead. i don't ask, he doesn't tell) and i met a super hot piercer. of course the danger of dating a piercer would lie in him always wanting to pierce you. i mean, one or two would be good, in non-visible areas, but lets not kid - too many piercings is too many piercings.

of course, in karmic retribution for thinking lusty thoughts in the presence of my one and only beloved offspring, i promptly spilled half a cup of newly poured boiling hot green tea all over my breastesses.

i burned my left breast.

it feels like a really bad sunburn.

i'm not at all pleased.

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in other news, the kiddo has determined that he does not actually desire an ipod for christmas.no, he's instead come to the captitalist conclusion that he'd rather have a plethora of smaller gifts in place of one super cool large gifts. that's my little consumer, for you. therefore, i've picked him up the headphones pictured above. he's also getting a new snowboarding jacket, speakers & an amp for his computer, and some new cologne. or something. i dunno yet - now that i am not getting the ipod i actually have to put some thought into it.

stink.

the sister also poses a holiday shopping conundrum. she sort of just buys herself everything and anything she wants. what's a girl to do?

why shop for herself, of course. since thursday i've purchased two pairs of pants, a sweater, a tshirt, some new lip gloss, and two, countem two pairs of shoes. yay me.

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update sevenpm

clearly the whole tea incident was more serious than i had first suspected. in fact, i think i've died and gone to hell.

there are currently two different jennifer lopez movies on the television, it's saturday night, and i've got really nothing else to do.

i may be forced to watch the wedding planner.

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update eight20sixpm
someone googled "canada woman email addres that need man for long time relationship" and this journal came up. bless.

eight20nine
also "slutty undies".

a heart of stone a smoking gun

gentlemen take note. or ladies, as well, if are so inclined. we aren't in the business of discrimination here at the sundae sanitarium.

i have a fairly ascerbic sense of humour. which is to say, it can be edgy and not everyone gets it. you may or may not have noticed this during your sojourns amongst these pages. the best way in the world to gain my attention is to not only *get* my jokes, but be able to return them in kind.

now in order to *retain* my attention, you must be able to couple this sense of humour with sex appeal.

i know i know women all over the world will tell you what is most important to them is intelligence and a sense of humour.

and i'll agree, to an extent.

but when it comes right down to it, if you, as a man, want to take that crucial step from friend to lover. or, more accurately, want to avoid being delegated to the relationship purgagory which is "just a friend", you have to have the integral internal quality which will spur you over that... erm.. hump.

saying this is easy. defining the essential quality that allows such a paradigm shift is much more difficult. i know for me it is a combination of physical appearance, smell (yes smell), confidence and arrogance. humour is what gets you through the door, but it ain't gonna keep you there.

now what has inspired young raspberry to wax philosophic about the opposite sex this morning, you may be asking yourself. well, quite frankly, i've got a date. a date with someone whom i've seen briefly, but have mostly only conversed with from a distance – via the ehm ehss ehn, on the phone, that sort of thing. i know that the brain-attraction is there. it will be interesting to see if the physical attraction remains, or can sustain.