it's like the night is taking sides

Ug I'm having trouble with the whole 'sleep through the night' thing again... I've been waking up at my usual time (2.30 - 3) and lying here obsessing about my state of eyes open 'til five am or so.

Not a big deal right now, but shit it sucks during the week. "Madness fills my heart and soul as if the great divide could swallow me whole.. oh how I'm breaking down"

So last night I had a girly date with my work bff - we went for cheep ass old school italian then hit up the adult superstore right next door. We ended up waiting for our table forEVER and amused ourselves by conducting a catty text message conversation about life, love, and mostly the other diners. As we were seated she said that I should text the artist and tell him she insisted he join us, so I did. She's never met him, you see, and jokes that I am actually making him up. He was out in the burbs but said he'd call when he got to his ultimate destination so that we could meet up with him... so when we moved on to *our* next spot I sent him a note. No response. Then when we were leaving to head home sent him another to find out what was up. Still no response. Of course I get pissed off. I've never dated a guy so NOT INTERESTED in seeing me. Like even the couchsurfer (unless he's balls deep in another female) texts me back within a couple of minutes. I don't get it.

Anyway, when I woke up 45min or so ago I noticed that he'd replied - lay down on his bed for a few min and passed out. Woke up after midnight in all his clothes. Acceptable, I suppose, but shit I hate the way it made me feel.

Let's talk turkey

OK so clearly my days of shit disturbing and getting folks all riled up are over. Le sigh.. I guess that's what happens when you flake on your blog for a year. I'm trying to be better! I swear!

So the architect and I were in the grocery store last night picking up Butch (the turkey)* and the lady behind the till said "what are you guys doing? It's not Thanksgiving yet!" To which I naturally scoffed that of course it is, if you are Canadian. We then had an interesting discourse about the differences between Canada and the US holiday wise - meaning she asked if Canadians have Christmas at the same time as the US. I politely bit my tongue and said yes, of course, but we have way more fun with Boxing Day - Canadians are a pugilistic sort.

So I'm going to see the Crystal Method do a dj set tonight and I'm pretty frickin excited about it. Actually, that's totally a lie. I'm TRYING to get excited about it. It's just that I'd way rather sit in a great restaurant and have a meal and a few bottles of wine with friends than go to a club. Oh I *AM* getting old...




* Please see "Dave Cooks the Turkey". All of my birds since my first experience of that story have been named Butch as an homage.

i'm half the man i used to be

there is not enough coffee in the world to keep me awake today - just so y'all know.

when i stepped outside this morning the air reminded me of ireland... something to do with the smell and texture as i breathed it in brought me back in years and miles to a place that may or may not exist only in my memory. i have no definite recollection, just a sense of having been there before.

maybe i do just need a vacation - i need to be shaken up from my routine, released from my day to day lethargy. i need to see new things meet new people walk on different streets with wide awake eyes.

maybe i need something more - maybe i need to walk away from everything leave everything behind start fresh build it all up again. maybe i need to pack one bag put down my phone walk out the the highway and see where i end up put down roots in land that doesn't turn to water six inches below the surface.

maybe i just need a vacation.

my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark

blah blah blah it's monday and i'm having one of those days where i am not sure i can go on.

go on doing what?

i don't even know i'm just overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness and apathy. this is strange 'cause it's sunny out and usually when the weather's sunny so's my disposition but not now not today not this very moment.

did you know that china puts melamine in pet food quite regularly? i guess manufacturers purchase it because it increases nitrogen levels in food, which mimic a higher level of protein without actually impacting the nutritional value.

oh and the canadian government apparently had intelligence that warned them about the air india bombing before it happened.

oh and the canucks lost last night.

oh and

oh and

oh and

what's that dido song about the bad day? yeah that's me

so between the architect and the cat, who were both completely buh-jiggity all night, i got little to no sleep. but... still had to go to work, so suck it up and start getting ready. as i spritz body spray into the air, i let go a big sneeze, so inhale a mouthful. hack, hack, wheeze, gasp... on my way out the door i grab an orange for breakfast and shove it in my bag. traffic was average, but i missed 'stump the show' on the fox (always a giggle). get in this morning, pour myself a cup of coffee, and notice that i've *not* noticed that there was 2 inches of water left in the bottom of my cup from yesterday. fuck. oh well too lazy to go to the kitchen so weak coffee. pull my orange out of the bag, peel away, take a bite and - what's this? it's old, dry, and bitter. fun. have to go to the kitchen now *any*way to make toast. toaster is acting up so i get mostly warmed over dry bread. take a bite and choke.

le sigh.