sick sundae

blergh i'm home sick today... i have the worst muscle aches in the world. sort of feel like i was stuck in a washer on the spin cycle for a couple of hours, or like oscar de la hoya used me for drills or something. so i'm home. i've got like 10 sick days left for the year - may as well use one or two, i figure.

the kiddo is *working* today. how cool is that? the guy who does the landscaping round our place is the son of some neighbours, and he's talked about getting the kid out and about doing some stuff. i guess today he's got the work for him.

it's really cool cause dave (the landscaper) had a childhood similar to kiddo's - he went through lots of the same stuff, so can really relate. i'm just glad that he won't be sitting 'round the house. plus he really likes doing stuff like this, and is actually very good at it. so..... off he went.

my horoscope today is quite good:

It's a great time to meet and impress new people. You radiate confidence, attracting potential partners like flies to honey. In love and art, you are nearly unstoppable. Use your magic touch to bargain for something you've been wanting or to ask a question you've been avoiding. Even though everyone pays attention to you, don't overextend yourself. You could say anything right now and people would believe you, but it might help if you mean it.

i'm not sure how many new people i will meet while curled up at home in my pj's. well, i will have to make a used bookstore run at some point - maybe then...

ok i'm back to bed.

december 6, 1989

Genevieve Bergeron- Nathalie Croteau - Anne-Marie Edward - Maryse Laganiere - Anne-Marie Lemay - Michele Richard - Annie Turcotte - Helene Colgan - Barbara Daigneault - Maud Haviernick - Maryse LeClair - Sonia Pelletier - Annie St-Arneault - Barbara Klucznik-Widajewicz

resistance is futile

last night, in those quiet moments post party and pre sleep.

last night, in the dark.

last night in the warmth and safety of.

i've been trying to write this post all day. i don't know why it's so hard to start.

italo calvino wrote a novel that was comprised entirely of the first chapters of different books. if on a winter's night a traveller. i loved it cause the beginning is always the hardest.

while i was writing my thesis i had two things within view of both of the computers i used to work on. one was the quote that inspired my thesis (the beginning). the other was a foxtrot comic strip (explain to me again the difference between writer's block and a total lack of talent? pipe down. i'm sure after this first word it gets easier).

pipe down, you. i'm sure after this first word it gets easier.

shit.

---

nope not that word.

---

last night after the party, when we were curled up in bed and falling asleep (him) or passing out (me), mikeb gave me a talking. he said it hurts him to see me go after boys who aren't good enough for me. i told him that it's really hard to see someone you love(d?) every day and know that they are not with you, but with someone else. i told him that it seemed like it was better to be with someone who was not quite good enough than to always be alone. i think i cried. that's a lie - i cried. but i was drunk cause i don't do stuff like that.

today he told me that i needed to be with someone who appreciated the fact that i'm smart and independent and sexy. theoretically, grand plan. practically, boys like that don't like me.

hello rock. this is your hard place. i'll just stay here between you until my 24 cats feast on my undiscovered corpse.

why is this so hard for me to write about? it's not like it is something i've never talked about. today it is just.... hard.

from the 'why am i surprised to learn this' category

did you know that it is prohibited by law to sell sex toys in alabama? boggled, my mind is. boggled.

mmcashmeremmm

You are Cashmere.
You are sophisticated and luxe. You can often be
found in high-end boutiques and hobnobbing with
the upper crust. You are one of the beautiful
people and you don't let anyone forget it!

christmas party day!

so i woke up this morning around 7.00. i, however, *refused* to get out of bed, 'cause it was still dark as pitch out. i think there is something inherently wrong with getting up on the weekends when it's still dark as night. unless you are preparing to skulk home from an indecent exchange of bodily fluids. then it's fine-and-dandy.

i'm receiving a large number of hits from here. i guess that the post i wrote about sweaters is receiving some interest. welcome, fellow sweater lovers.


on that note (which is to say i'm seguing not so neatly into my latest bout of retail therapy) i love the vintage style which is in stores right now. it's not seventies, sixties, eighties... it's more in the twenties and thirties and forties. i LOVE style from these decades - pretty much everything about it. i love the fitted sweaters with bows at the neck. i love the cloche hats. i love the marcasite jewelry. should you ever meet a man who wants to marry me, tell him that i don't want a gaudy oversized diamond, i want a beautiful antique art nouveau ring. i want something that speaks to the timelessness of beauty and grace; something that melds the beauty of vines and flowers into gemstones and metal. lovely lovely.

tonight's my work christmas party. mr m will not be in attendance. he's taking his wife out on a 'date' - i guess to make up for the fact that she's being robbed of her rightful place at the company function by the sheer audacity of my presence. what does the man who's in love with another woman and been fucking around for 7 months buy his wife for christmas this season? enquiring minds want to know... oops, sorry. i'll get off the bitter bus now.

anyhoo... i've got to hit the day. i apologize for the uninspired, vaguely disjointed post. i've got baking products to purchase, antlers to find, and a tan to procure before i begin the arduous process of making myself irresistable to certain boys i work with. wish me luck!

what the hecks up with snoop dogg promoting every consumer product in the known universe?

anybody know? seriously dude...

besides that....

i introduced the divine ms. u to the best cocktail in the world - the raspberry mojito at the reef. quite delish. we were re-writing some christmas classics to rather irreverantly include the managerial types at work. probably what could be referred to as a 'career-limiting move'. ah well, as long as people laugh, right?

so true!

You Are From the Sun

Of all your friends, you're the shining star. You're dramatic - loving attention and the spotlight. You're a totally entertainer and the life of the party. Watch out! The Sun can be stubborn, demanding, and flirty. Overall, you're a great leader and great friend. The very best!

What Planet Are You From?

later that lazy sundae

today was one of those magical days where time shifts itself to perfectly match my mood: lazy; langorous; like a cat stretching in the sunshine. i somehow managed to spend some quality mom&daughter time; run an errand or two; change the linens; get my fuzzy winter sheets & blankets out of storage and put my summer things into storage; wrap some christmas gifts; spend an hour and a half or so with the kiddo outside of starbucks in the sunshine, sipping coffee, watching girls go by and pondering friendship and all its nuances; make an apple/raspberry crisp; talk to a friend who has just moved out of the apartment he shared with his girlfriend for a year; and discuss the merits and delights of a web journal with new convert the divine ms. u.

now, as i sit here nursing a full belly and a cup of tea, i'm thinking about putting my jammies on, getting my things ready for tomorrow and climbing into bed to watch cold case and law & order.

all seems to be right with the world.....





(knock wood)

lazy sundae

i miss snow.

every girl needs a boy like mikeb

one who will get up and brunch with you, and commiserate with you, and kick your ass when you do silly things like get hung up on boys who aren't worth it, and spend most of the day watching you try on dresses and giving you an honest opinion so you look cute at your christmas party, and take you to your christmas party, and take you to his christmas party, and generally be... well.... mike b.

loveyoubebe

growing up?

just after christmas last year, i had a falling out with someone with whom i'd been friends for a really long time. like, he was part of my family friends. like, when you put him and my real brother together, it sort of seems like they were separated at birth friends. like, on my first day of university, i saw him drinking a combination of peppermint herbal tea and hot chocolate and was both disturbed and fascinated, so had to meet him friends.

anyhoo, just after christmas we had a falling out. it had been building for a while - i felt like every time i called him he was too busy to hang out. it seemed like when he did call me to spend time, he purposefully asked me to do things that he knows i hate. things like that.

so we had this falling out. it wasn't a disagreement - it never came to that. you see, my habit is to just... close... the door. i ended the friendship. i didn't say anything. i didn't try to talk. i just.. shut it town.

i have a really hard time dealing with my feelings, you see, and a worse time communicating them. i turtle into myself and shut everyone out. i become a hermit and screen my calls and wait for everyone to go away, and eventually they all do. and why wouldn't they? this ultimately proves (in my mind) that i didn't really have any friends to begin with, and i'm better off on my own, and look here i am all alone etc etc etc.

now, this is an aspect of my personality i'm trying to change. i'm trying to talk about my feelings, and not keep myself closed off. i'm trying to let people in, and discuss it when i get hurt, or feel alone. (ok this new philosophy has opened up a whole can of hurt with you-know-who, but we won't go there, ok?) although, i did just blow off captain average without saying anything. oh, and bad-part-of-town guy. but come on, now. baby steps, here. i'm trying.

so anyway... toad(my friend)'s presence was noticably absent from my thanksgiving table last month. i don't think he's missed one in years. and i started thinking about it; about the stupidity of ending a friendship that had lasted for so long without a conversation, without a word. and i started thinking about how i didn't want him to be noticably absent from the game playing appie eating extravaganza that is christmas eve in my house. so.... i sucked it up and called on the weekend. i left a "just wanted to say hi" message. and he called me back last night. we are going for sushi tomorrow.

from the lovely hunny hun hun

Your first name of (raspberry's mild mannered alter ego) has given you energy, drive, and ambition, but also an almost excessively strong-willed and independent nature. While you are creative, inventive, and ingenious in practical matters, and always ready to initiate and promote new undertakings, you often experience difficulty in bringing your undertakings to a successful conclusion because of your own changing interests or changing circumstances. You become intensely involved with everything you plan to do, but the stress arising from frustrating obstacles or misunderstandings with others could prompt you to be intolerant and sarcastic in your expression, with breakdowns in congenial relations with family and friends a possible end result. Any emotional outbursts or moods would register as tension in your solar plexus, resulting in nervous indigestion and related problems. Tension could also centre in the head affecting the eyes, ears, sinuses, or teeth. True relaxation and peace of mind are elusive under this name.

all this time i've been blaming allergies.. it's all about my *name*!

You Are Gwen Stefani! All guys dream about you And all the girls want to be you "Sappy pathetic little me That was the girl I used to be"

why is there no unky-mood for bronte-esque?

i keep checking my own blog for updates. alas, nothing.

wunjo

my rune this evening says this:

Wunjo
Joy / Light
Comfort

This Rune announces a state of security and relaxation, a sense of well-being. Light is finally peeking through the clouds, fruits hang heavy on the branches, and bad times are finally staying behind.

You may see yourself surrounded by joy, pleasure and comfort both at home and outside. There is clarity and a new energy that will allow you to understand, to balance, to renew yourself and your personal relations.

Necessary changes have already been carried out, and now you may rejoice and receive Wunjo's blessings freely.

i like that. i'm not sure what the changes were, but i have, in the past few weeks, felt like i've crossed over a threshold of some sort or another.

i've also come to the conclusion that the internet dating thing is not for me. i know some people have had a great deal of success with it, but i need the heat and the spark of that first face to face meeting.. of eyes meeting across a room; of seeing someone who's so attractive that you cannot tear your gaze away; of dancing and brushing up against him. i need that. for me, to chat with a man over the computer or telephone before ever seeing him diffuses it, diminishes it. is it that way only for me?

movie night in canada

what with the cbc playing sepia-toned reruns of 1970's era hockey showdowns, what is a hot blooded canadian girl to do on a saturday night? why, pay $15 to support the american media machine of course....

last night mike b and i went to see 'national treasure', the latest nicholas cage vehicle. it's... not bad. definately no 'indiana jones', though it aspires to be. i'd say it's on par with the first 'tomb raider' (yes i liked tomb raider. lara croft is hoooootttt. plus, jon voigt plays the dad in this one too). anyhoo.

i think the highlight of the film for me is when ben (n. cage's character) takes a moment to step out of the plot and read what is, to him, the most important line in the declaration of independence: "But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new guards for their future security".

now, since it has very little to do with what is happening in the plot at the moment (i don't believe that having the fbi and the office of homeland security dismiss your conspiracy theories as so much fluffernutter counts as abuse by your government) i can't help but think this was a well timed, deliberate political statement being made by either jerry bruckheimer, john (?) turtletaub, nic cage, or all three.

where it fails for me is that instead of cleverly weaving the political statement into the body of the film, the writers decided instead to hit the audience over the head with it. i read a review of the film which calls the riley character a metaphor for the audience - sort of stunned and needing to have every single thing explained for him outright. i'm not sure i'd be that unkind - it was a fun movie, if nothing else. and maybe the american film-going public is that thick. they did re-elect GW, after all. but i prefer having to interpret the underlying meanings of my texts like hunting for water with a divining rod, or for truths with the runes: not an exact science, and absolutely open for discussion.

new game!

apparently, the deal is called 'blog it forward'. the idea is that i talk about three people, then they go on and talk about three people etc. lemon-love-of-my-life pulled me in (and again, the raspberry and fun? hand in hand) so here are my three picks.

mike b is my wingman, my partner in crime, my non-sexual life mate. we do stuff together - meaningless stuff and meaningful stuff. i cry on his shoulder, i sleep in his bed. mike b gives me faith in men. please be advised that he blogs sporadically at best. it's kind of like finding money in your pocket - doesn't happen very often, but when it does it brings a smile...

mr. newly, though not so newly single... i found his blog one day through blogger's "recently updated" feature, i think, and was hooked pretty much immediately. he's funny, he's sincere, he gets bitter often enough to be interesting. plus i'm living vicariously through his international dating exploits.

swizz i discovered via lemon's site, i think. she lives in the same town as me, and every time i go dancing i peer about looking for this girl. keep in mind that i've never met her, so i'm looking for her the way she exists only in my imagination, but that's pretty fun, isn't it? i suspect we'd have a grand old time if we ever did meet....

so there you go kids - your turn now.

ps - i would have added maktaaq, cause reading her blog regularly is what inspired me to write my own, but i was sad to notice, the other day, that she is hanging up her keyboard. kisses, maktaaq, where-ever you may roam...

coconut bread

i'm eating for comfort. i wish to bury myself in layers of food. bring on the carbs, the fat, the protein. i'm seeking out the foods of someone else's childhood - potato and onion perogies, crisp and golden from the pan. turkey smokeys (organic, with no preservatives, from a local farm), skin popping at the teeth, juices dripping down the chin. shards of crusty loaves doused in hearty vegetable stews. i want foods soothing and spicy. i want foods dark and rich and decadent to the tongue. i want bitter chocolate and coca cola. i want buttery croissants dripping in milk chocolate. i want mexican hot chocolate - sweet and creamy and redolant of cinnamon.

someone feed me. someone set me to the table and bring me course after course. i want to eat till i cannot put another morsel to my lips. i need to be nourished physically - fuck this spiritual asceticism; i revel in gluttony and hedonism. feed me till i'm sated, finally satisfied, finally at peace.

is it friday yet?

how is it that i just had a minibreak and already i need a holiday?

last night i was doodling around with my 'puter and the porn star beeped me. "wanna play?" he asked... silly question. of course raspberry wants to play. raspberry lives to play. so off i went to visit his house by the ocean. i was hoping for an operation rematch, but he decided to play a game which i suck at. naturally, being a guy, he opted to make it a 'strip' version of the game. sure enough, within no time at all, there's miss raspberry naked on his couch while he sat fully clothed giggling on the chair opposite me.

mind you, as i pointed out to him some time later, it was quite a bit easier for me to get him naked than vice versa. took way less time, too. grrrrr.