jeudi, juillet 5

no title

we found out yesterday that our diggity has lymphatic cancer. it's in her blood, and they think it's already moving into her lungs, because her breathing is becoming laboured and she has no energy.

there are three options.

1) chemo. the vet doesn't recommend this - she's 12, and isn't the most healthy of dogs to begin with. it's an awful process, is extremely expensive, and very few dogs survive. in fact, the vet said she's never seen a dog pull through after chemo.

2) steroids. the vet could inject her full of steroids, but it would just buy her around 2 months during which time she'd become more and more uncomfortable.

3) put her down.

my sister asked the vet what she'd do if it were her dog. the vet recommended option 3. she's an old dog, and she's not comfortable. she's not really eating (except for swedish meatballs from ikea, baked and fed to her one by one like treats), and watching her climb the stairs at my parents' place last night nearly broke my heart.

when i look at her, or at these photos of her (both taken in the last year or so), i can't put them together with the idea that she is getting weaker and weaker - that she is dying. in my head she's still the dog that hiked 30KM with me on a day when the temperature reached 32deg and was still running laps around the car at the end of it, wondering why we'd stopped. she's still the dog who i took up bobtail mountain. she's still the dog who hopped up onto the garage roof to break out of my parents' backyard and took herself on a walk to visit me a few KM and a very busy road away.

everybody in my family is pretty broken up. my brother is (un)fortunately home to attend a wedding, so he at least has the chance to say goodbye. i'm by no means a 'dog' person, but this puppy has so much personality - she's always happy, always friendly, always has a wagging tail, a big smile, and a shoe in her mouth. she's part of our family and i will miss her.