mercredi, janvier 31

my life is a stereo

so on saturday night the architect, the sister and i watched an inconvenient truth - an eye-opening film at the very least. it's crazy to think how much damage we've done to our planet in just a few generations, no? there were only three countries that failed to ratify the Kyoto accord (australia, the us, and monaco) but the current canadian administration is hell-bent upon undoing any good that may have been accomplished by the liberal government - all the while blaming said 'previous administration' for every conceivable sin. budget overruns? their fault. government corruption and scandal? oh those dirty liberals. someone left the toilet seat up? damn you paul martin!

the stephen harper press conference in which he apologizes to Maher Arar on behalf of the canadian people is a chorus of 'not me' which puts the sounds coming from a schoolyard playground to shame. i kept looking over my shoulder to see who'd shaved the cat, broken a window or spilled the milk. his recent about-face when it comes to environmental issues (as per the CBC, recent polls indicate that the environment is tres chic in the cause du jour in the minds of most canadians. put a scoop of ice cream on top - voila! global warming solved) is (to my mind) further reason to trust this man about as much as i trust my own instincts when it comes to money, dating, and/or moderation in wine consumption). case in point - the liberal website has published a copy of a letter written by our fearless leader referring to 'the battle of Kyoto' and calling the now defunct ultra right wing canadian alliance party to arms to defend decent hardworking canadians from those shameless job-stealing hippies and crazy masked activists. i really wish there were some kind of idiot-proof iq test which we subjected people to before we allowed them to hold positions of power.

le sigh.

more reading: bush administration doctors reports; fallout from global warming expected to be 1000 years; the cbc on harper's letter

lundi, janvier 29

even if we're just dancing in the dark

it must be said that i make fucking awesome lasagna for a white girl of irish descent. that was my big deal of the weekend - spending half of saturday simmering meat sauce and putting together dinner. well that and riding around steveston on FJ (the cruiserbike i got for christmas) with the architect and the sister. the weather underground kept promising a sunny beautiful weekend but we've been socked in by grey for two days - the skies open up for an hour or two of sun each day before the fog descends. downfalls of living on the ocean, i guess. i really do need to see some sunshine, though. i had huge plans of sunnyday bicycle riding which have not particularly come to fruition. le sigh.

i wish i knew where my camera is - i imagine it's hiding in one of the four boxes still resting unpacked here in the bedroom. every day they stare accusingly at me and every day i ignore them completely. it's like not staring at the pink elephant in the room.

i'm updating my blogroll (spo has a new one) and my dancecard today. i'm having one of those days where i want to spend no time at all away from my computer because i feel as though i'm on the cusp of a breakthrough and i can only reach it by writing. sometimes it takes me putting fingertips to keyboard to be able to really work these things out, you know?

i do know that it has to do with me & the architect and the huge fight we had last week about the only thing that's ... off with us. it has to do with sex and i know you'd never expect that from me but lately all i've wanted to do is go to sleep and i'm not sure why. i think it has something to do with the weird labels in my head and how deep down even though i love sex and am proud of how sexy i am, in my head fucking the way i want to be fucked is dirty and isn't the way that good girls act. and here i am, now, being a good girl - faithful and happy and content and and and. who is this puritan in my head? who put these words these doubts in my soul and why doesn't she just want me to be happy? somebody tell the voices to

vendredi, janvier 26

patiently erasing and recording the wrong episodes

ok i know that those are probably not the real lyrics to the new modest mouse song, but dammit i heart that song and that's the way i hear them so screw y'all.

listening to modest mouse in the morning puts a smile on my face.

question - if you were paris hilton would you leave a whole whack of sextapes etc in storage and then fail to pay the bill?

nope, me either.

jeudi, janvier 25

who are you to wave that finger

new years-ish resolutions:

1) write
2) every
3) day

seriously i'm getting ridiculous. i love writing - i do. but it's like any form of exercise. you have to do it every day for it to do you any good. and, also like any other form of exercise, sometimes you have to coax, cajole, and bully yourself into getting off yer ass and doing it. i really have no reason - my weekday evenings have settled into a nice comfortable routine of getting home from work, making out with the architect if the kiddo is out of the house, cooking dinner, doing odds and ends of chores, and either going out for a couple of hours or settling in on the couch/bed with a book or to watch tv.

i'm getting frickin' lazy and it's not good. i'm getting out of practice and it's not good.


i also need to get back into doing yoga 'cause my back has started to bother me. the muscles are getting lazy like the rest of me. i can't wait for spring to get closer - my new bike is great but it sure sucks riding in the rain. i could even (gasp) maybe even ride to work on occasion, once it is light enough out in the mornings. i'd have to hitch a ride through the tunnel of course, but that's not a big deal. actually who'm i kidding. that's not going to happen any time soon LOL. i like being leisurely in the morning - drinking coffee and listening to the radio while i get ready. let's not get crazy about this...

any ideas for motivating yourself to do positive things for yourself?

lundi, janvier 22

can i get an amen?

jeudi, janvier 18

hey big spender

ok so the architect was in a really blah mood yesterday. we had the world's most quiet drive home. once we got in the door he retired to his office to check his email and i put my jammies on and crawled into bed.

this part is hard for me, you know. i'm used to dealing with my own moods, but navigating someone else's is kind of new. the kiddo just gets grumpy - if you leave him alone till he's ready to talk you emerged unscathed by the sharp edge of his tongue. the architect, though, i'm not familiar with to the extent that i can easily separate his ... blues, i guess from me - i can't *not* take it personally. i'll learn, i guess.

anyhoo - i dealt with it by being stupid and cheerful in an attempt to elicit a grin of some sort. once i could see him begin to come around, i suggested a visit to a restaurant i noticed in tsawwassen - illuminate (ill-oo-min-ah-tay). an expensive dinner for a wednesday (dinner and wine for two came to $130) but well worth it when we emerged both smiling and full (mmm i had venison osso bucco). then i took him home and fucked his brains out. rawr.

mardi, janvier 16

sending out an sos

i don't know about you, but i'd be one of the first in line to pick up tickets to a police reunion show. i was (ok kinda still am) a massive fan. i just wish i knew where my 'message in a box' box set was... i'd bust it out and be singing along even as we speak. it's probably packed away in my folks' storage along with my teapot and various other kitchen type goodies. le sigh.

sweet mother of god! the cons are touring cross canada again this spring, my friends, and will be hitting vancity april 12. hopefully this does not coincide with anything else already in the works, as i must must must be there. interesting note - the 12th is a thursday which means that the following day is friday the 13th. if there were ever a better reason for a personal day, i cannot come up with one.

lundi, janvier 15

fun facts about the empire state building

is there anyone out there who isn't watching 'how i met your mother'? if so, you need to fix that a-sap. it's on tonight.

ok next - so we went tobogganing on saturday. the architect ended up with a concussion, and another member of our group broke her wrist. at what point do you say to yourself 'i'm too old to do this?' clearly 34 is not it, since i emerged unscathed. yay me!

i feel remarkably apathetic and unmotivated lately. I even spent a large-ish amount of money on clothes friday, but this retail therapy did little to alleviate my malaise. i need an existential shock to the system, grosse pointe blank style (what did debi newberry call it? i forget...) maybe it's my work environment - i can't wait to change roles here, because the people around me are always so frickin' cranky / unhappy. it has to be that because my homelife has been so great - the kiddo is happy, the architect is great, the house is lovely and clean and homey... le sigh.

anyhoo - we are going to federico's supper club on saturday. tourism vancouver is doing 'dine out vancouver' again this year - a whole bunch of restaurants particpate and you can have food from a set menu for $15, $25, or $35 dollars. i've never been, but have heard it's a blast. if you want to join us, we're going for 8pm..

lundi, janvier 8

dead disco, dead funk

ug i'm back to work for the first time in two weeks. I have no idea, seriously, how i ever managed to come to the decision that getting up this early EVER was a good idea. le sigh.... i couldn't fall asleep for anything last night - ended up getting up and popping some melatonin at around 11 then finally settled in. i was hot, then cold, then hot again, and the architect was snoring peacefully away with the cat curled up on his chest about six seconds after he shut his eyes. i wanted to use them both for paintball target practice.

someone give me a job i can do from home, please. or at least one that i can get super excited about going to every morning....

samedi, janvier 6

oh, canada!

team canada and the canucks both in one day? myohmy i can barely contain myself...

ahh i got nuttin. i haven't done much except lie about, ride my by-cycle and read books for the last two weeks so really, what else is there to talk about? ridley was complaining about blogs that are day-to-day archiving of the bloggers' lives - i don't particularly want to fall into that pattern, but at the same time, sometimes that's what i want to write about, you know? like how yesterday me, the architect and the kiddo crashed out in the living room in our pj's till almost 2pm watching hockey and drinking tea before we struggled up off the couches to go for lunch with friends. it was great - relaxing and fun and weirdly family-like except my family doesn't really do things like that. in my family it mostly feels like you put in your time and then get away from each other as quickly as possible. well not the sister and i, but still. to actually spend the day in relaxing (well kinda tense uptight sort of excitable, but relaxing nonetheless) companionship was a loverly change. anyhoo....

oh - sharing. on digg, today, they posted a link to a site that indexes online tv shows and movies etc (sweet mother of god who knew there was so many versions of stargate?)

jeudi, janvier 4

music makes the world go round

check this out. the relationship between music and the brain is an interesting one - long ago i remember reading about how listening to classical music while studying helps you retain information at a better rate. i also noticed (and puzzled over) the fact that i could remember lyrics to songs years after the last time i'd heard them, but ask me to memorize a poem for class? fuggedabuddit. i've kind of become addicted to digg. maybe it's just 'cause i've spent the first two hours of nearly every morning in the last two weeks lying in bed, sipping coffee, surfing the net, and digg gives me a pleasant way to do it, but still. just like last year i've become addicted to top ten lists. le sigh. why can't we parcel them out throughout the year? i'd be so much more productive.

so i have to go back to work on monday. i'm not really looking forward to it, to be honest. my job has been less than satisfying; the working environment has been tense at best; you get the sense that the board doesn't REALLY care too much about the people who work for them... ah the same old complaints. my boss rocks - she's the real reason i haven't turned tail and run long ago. well that and i need to have a job 'cause while the architect probably *could* support us all, i'm not the kind of person who's comfortable with that idea at all. i like being able to pull my own weight, you know?

i do sort of feel like i should have accomplished more this vaykay. i still have boxes of stuff lying around; i still have pictures and lamps waiting to be hung; i still i still.... all i have really done is cook, watch movies, and lie about surfing the innerweb. not a bad thing per se, but not at all productive, either. oh though i did finish reading a couple of books, which is a good thing. i don't read (paper, not web) nearly enough anymore. i used to get through a book per week, easily. now i'm lucky to finish a book per month. now that things have settled down round the homestead, though, i should be able to get back into the swing of things, i hope.

speaking of which - i should take a shower and think about what to do for the day. my two hours are almost up and i still want to lie here...

lundi, janvier 1

twas the best of - slash- worst of

**edit** - i started this on the 30th... i'm a bit of a procrastinator, this week. since i'm on vay-kay, all i want to do is lie around in my jammies and read, especially since we ended up not going away for the new year (my back is spasming, the architect has a deadline). anyway onward...

ah the ubiquitous (sp?) list...

1) most frustrating / fascinating debate about me, carried out by people who've never met me: well it has to be a tossup between this one and this one. seems so long ago. plus now i wish i could sit them all down and say "ha! told you so! look where i am now!"

2) worst song of 2006: again, tied between that fucking my chemical romance song (oh for the days when they used to be good), the hinder song about cheating on your girlfriend, or that other 'ladies and gentlemen' song. ohh or maybe the evanescence single? too many to choose from...

3) albums i listened to the most: fabriclive 29 - evilnine; back to mine - adam freeland & back to mine - liam prodigy; 10000 days - tool; alexisonfire - crisis; beck - the information; DFA Remixes - chapters 1 & 2; dj champion - chill 'em all; kasabian - empire; rise against - the sufferer and the witness; swayzak - route de la slack; snow patrol - eyes open.

4) most disappointing album of '06 - sam's town by the killers. hands down.

5) my favourite post i wrote last year: april 5, 2006

6) my favourite movie - a scanner darkly

ahh i dunno.. i've lost my rhythm. the architect is feeling a bit down today. he's regretting not going away with his friends this weekend, a bit, and worried that we are turning into a 'normal' couple. he doesn't want that - says he doesn't do well with routines and schedules. what do i say to this? we have gone through a very busy month - moving and families and christmas and and and. i hope he's not regretting asking me to live wiht him. it's only been a month - if he's feeling already that things are stagnating we can't be long for this world, i don't think. oh that makes me sick to my stomach, thinking that.