running down a dream

the architect and i had a huge fight last night and now i just want to die. it's been mostly resolved but i just feel like he completely resents me and having to support me and all this shit and i want to crawl under a rock right now, or more appropriately go running away home.

i was hanging out with a couple of people yesterday afternoon and we'd been joking about getting loaded on the stoop like white trash warriors (though we ended up just having a few beer and bs-ing for a couple of hours) and, as the day wore on, the architect got more and more pissed off about that. all this time he's been encouraging me to go out with friends and not stay home by myself during the day, and i've felt super guilty about doing that. so yesterday i did and sure enough he freaked out and now i feel so fucking awful.

i can't help but think he'd be happier and better off without me. he wouldn't have to work so much and he could do his own thing and go back to motorcycle racing and having tonnes of money and and and.