jam another dragon down the hole

i'm having a bad depression day of undetermined origins - the kind that is very hard to explain to the architect, because there is no real reason, and there is really nothing you can do to fix it. you can just sit back and try to ride it out without annihilating yourself en route.

this, shall we say mood is being aggravated by the kids playing on the street outside. they're doing kid stuff - yelling, riding bikes, banging on parked cars with hockey sticks, but the cacophony MAKES ME WANT TO RISE UP WITH A FLAME THROWER AND NAPALM THEIR SKINNY PREPUBESCENT ASSES THEN FEED THEM TO HOMELESS PEOPLE ACCOMPANIED BY A GLASS OF MERLOT AND A NICE CRANBERRY CHUTNEY.

i'm fine, really i am.

baby went to amsterdam

so do you think that amy winehouse will dedicate 'rehab' to lindsay lohan when she performs at the mtv movie awards? i'm not sure why this is interesting to me - it's just the thought i had when i heard the promo on the radio this am.

oh the police were fucking incredible, by the way. if you can, move some mountains to get tickets. 3 guys, only one guitar change (that i noticed) playing for over 2 hours solid.

heh. whoops - got distracted there.

anyhoo, the police rocked, i'm exhausted, and all i can think about is what some cracked out british laddette will be lipsynching on television. good times...

logic so inflexible

so today's the big day - the culmination of a lifetime of police fan-dom. i was too young to go see them 'back in the day' - this is the only opportunity i've ever had and i'm pretty frickin excited, let me tell you.

write every day... yes that's the way it has to be.

well put it this way - if we do end up moving to san dee-ahhhgo, i'll be unemployed so it'll be you and me my friends,

you

and

me.

whether you like it or not.

i'm kind of free-form thinking today. i forgot to take my meds all weekend so i'm a touch ... shall we say ... off this morning. i did have a decent weekend, though - drank WAY too much wine, especially friday. we had one of those accidental getting loaded while playing dominoes, though. i think we broke our new downstairs neighbour. she disappeared after taking a hit off a bong with the kiddo and we didn't see her again all weekend.

hehehe whoops.

talkin only me and you talkin only me and you

so we have a new downstairs neighbour (who, by the way, is from PRINCE GEORGE - how is it that we find each other?). she's pretty cool - came up for drinks on her first night, is pretty young but not too young... anyhoo. her long-term boyfriend moved to MALTA yesterday. she's pretty broken up about the whole thing (understandably). she popped up to say hi yesterday and i ended up feeding her a glass of wine and chatting for a couple of hours.

i don't know that i'm very good with the whole 'being a supportive female friend' thing. i think it's because talking about my own emotions/feelings makes me uncomfortable - i really don't mind it when people come to me to talk and i will always listen, i'm just not sure if what i'm saying or doing is the right thing, you know? so i get fidgety and second guess myself and play with my hair and twist myself into cross-legged knots and pour red wine on the problem 'cause let's not kid if red wine can't cure it nothing can.

tap tap - is this thing on?

*ahem*. yes, it's true, i've returned from san diego about 3 elle-bees heavier and slightly more tanned.

i'm almost 65% positive we are moving there in the fall. how do i feel about this? well i have mixed feelings - real excitement and very strong apprehension. i love the idea of a new place, new adventures, sunshine most of the year. i'm worried about making all new friends, missing my family (esp. the kiddo and the sister) and not being able to get a job. does anyone know anything (ie you, spo) about packing up and moving to another country, how to do it, advice to share etc?

i have a bunch of photos to upload, and a whole pile of laundry to do and some stories to tell (i saw a decapitated deer! visited a town called weed!) and i'll get to them over the next little bit, i promise. right now, though, i need to wander through my house and become reacquainted with my possessions, do some grocery shopping, and make my cat feel as though we don't hate him.

xo

don't love me discontent

the sister is text messaging me from the airport where she is currently awaiting a flight to vegas. she's headed down for a wedding and the weekend, and is suitably excited. we had to go shopping last night for a dress - i dragged her into banana republic, made her try on a dress about $100 more than she wanted and then pretended to listen while she talked herself out of it, knowing it was perfect and she wouldn't find anything else nicer.

she bought it, of course.

i then tried to get her to buy a necklace made up of three strands of large aqua coloured jade beads but at that point she proclaimed me the devil, made the sign of the cross and fled across the mall.

i'm very good at spending other people's money, you see. well and my own, let's not kid, i just can't spend anything right now 'cause i'm leaving for san diaaahhhgo (lalala holiday lalala!) on saturday.

mind you, i did buy the kiddo a digital camera and a 4gig memory card as an early grad present - he's headed up to kelowna to be the girl's date - but that was kind of necessary, don't you think? nice camera - much nicer than mine, i have to admit. ah well it's worth it, i figure, since a few years ago he seemed hell bent on self destruction, whereas right now self immolation is just another career option.

etymology and other road trip topics

so we've sort of vaguely started planning our roadtrip. the fact that we've just started is purely a testament to how busy-slash-stressed out i've been at work these past couple of weeks, because usually, with only five days left before departure i'd have the roadmaps memorized and a timetable laid out to the second.

hey - i never said i wasn't obsessive compulsive and/or a touch anal retentive.

like you're surprised.

anyhoo - i've only vaguely started to plan. like, i know that we are going to try to leave at 4am-ish on saturday and go as far as we can before the architect starts to fall asleep at the wheel, but other than that i have no idea. i *do* know that there are some very definate things i'd like to do en route - the whole point of driving down is so i can see a bit of the countryside. we figure we'll check out the california coast on this trip, and then do the oregon coast later on in the summer.

in other worlds, my mama is hooked on that show 'are you smarter than a fifth grader' and she keeps trying to catch us with questions she has gotten wrong. this is a source of constant amusement to us, because she tends to ask fairly easy questions. don't get me wrong - she's no dumb lady - this is just stuff she hasn't thought about since, well, probably since she was in fifth grade. case in point: last night at dinner she turned to me and asked "do polar bears eat penguins?" to which i replied "pffft no - there are no penguins at the north pole" she was heartbroken.

which is interesting, because you'd think she'd be delighted that her very well educated eldest daughter would be smarter than a fifth grader.

apparently not.

Elliot Gould's Golden Hammer Of Midnight

(disclaimer - uh.... i have a head full of random thoughts today, so i apologize for the incoherent nature of this post.)

1) i've somehow hurt my neck - it feels like i've got a sore throat but on the back of my neck, and i can barely turn my head. this bodes poorly for tonight's dodgeballs of doom extravaganza.

2) i wake up in the morning more tired than i was when i went to sleep the night before. is it my bed? is it the wine? is it my deep-rooted disinclination to go to work?

3) i heard on the radio today that some company has published their estimation of what a stay at home parent would be earning for performing the duties they do. it's up to around $130,000 or something stupid. i'd like to say fuck that shit. as a non-stay-at-home mom, i do as much work inside the house as those who don't work, *and* i'm out of the house between 6.30 (when i leave in the morning) to 4.15 (when i get back home - *if* i come straight home and don't stop on the way to grocery shop, pick up drycleaning, run errands etc). so, technically, when i'm mopping the kitchen floor -slash- cutting the grass -slash- cleaning the oven -slash- scrubbing toilets -slash- baking cookies i'm working overtime so i should be getting AT LEAST time and a half. so there.

4) my cat's preferred method of waking me up in the morning involves jumping up onto my bedside table as soon as the alarm goes off. if i don't throw back the blankets and put my feet to the floor immediately, he will stare at me for about 5 minutes, and then proceed to start knocking things OFF said bedside table onto the floor. this morning he jettisoned my glasses, a small balled-up piece of paper, and the remote control for my laptop before i conceded and made my way to the kitchen to fill his breakfast bowl.

i'm half the man i used to be

there is not enough coffee in the world to keep me awake today - just so y'all know.

when i stepped outside this morning the air reminded me of ireland... something to do with the smell and texture as i breathed it in brought me back in years and miles to a place that may or may not exist only in my memory. i have no definite recollection, just a sense of having been there before.

maybe i do just need a vacation - i need to be shaken up from my routine, released from my day to day lethargy. i need to see new things meet new people walk on different streets with wide awake eyes.

maybe i need something more - maybe i need to walk away from everything leave everything behind start fresh build it all up again. maybe i need to pack one bag put down my phone walk out the the highway and see where i end up put down roots in land that doesn't turn to water six inches below the surface.

maybe i just need a vacation.