hot sticky scenes

ug i wish it was hot sex that's on my mind, unfortunately it's just frickin rain.

rain rain and more rain - i don't understand why we get 2 nice days and then have to cope with 7 rainclogged waterlogged soggy bottomed weeks in a row before we see the sunshine again.

can you say i'm moving to california? amen sister, amen.

riot in belgium remix

so i'm back at work wearing my fun new he-man tshirt. while i like staying at home, i like being there when i'm feeling well and so am able to lounge in the sunshine, cocktail in hand, not when my belly is in knots and i'm afraid to stray more than 10ft from the bathroom.

so yes, it's true, i'd rather be at work than in that situation.

the camping trip for next weekend seems to be coming together slowly but surely, and soundwave a bit more excellently than that. even the sister has broken down and decided to come, which means that we should all have an extremely grand time.

question - what is your favourite beastie boys song, and why?

i love sample sales

oy i'm working from home today, since i'm not all that comfortable straying too far from the ladies room, if you know what i'm saying.

not that you want to think about that sort of thing but heck if i can't be inappropriately personal here, what good is having a blog? we can discuss that strangely pungent rash you are developing later on. feel free to divulge its location and the way it periodically expels spores in the comments section.

so i'm lying on my bed, lyrics born on the itunes, the architect clickityclacking away beside me, and it's sunny out. why don't these things happen when it's pouring rain? yesterday, for example, would have been a great day to be sick in bed. today? not so much....

you don't know what love is you only know how to do what you are told

oh i have some serious bad belly this morning. i know it's not normal to throw up (on average) one meal a day, but it's not like i'm forcing myself to do it. it's like i get this feeling in my stomach and the back of my throat and then i start thinking about it and whoops i did it again. it has to be the allergies, but it's so random - like i seem to have a lot of trouble eating tomatoes, even though i'm not allergic to tomatoes (god forbid!)

plus i'm not puky enough to have the positive side effect, which is being lovely and rail thin, so i get to yak like a bulimic but not fit into size zero jeans which seems like a cruel sick joke on behalf of the gods or something, doesn't it?

le sigh.

pushing forward back

you know, from back in the day when chris cornell was kind of cool. audioslave wasn't cool they were catchy there's a difference and while the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive there's a sincere relationship between something's catchiness and its coolness or lack thereof rather.

note from a guy i went out with a few times before the architect was in my email this morning. this was funny 'cause i'd had a dream where he played a role just last night. (something to do with his three dogs and children from a previous marriage and my reluctance to be part of the samsonite sideshow) let us never say that the world is not interconnected my friends. he was commenting that he'd not heard from me in a while and figured it was because of the capitalr-elationship and respected that.

since it was on my mind i responded saying that part of it was the distractions of day to day life in my world (the principal feature of the landscape being the guy who spends his nights sound asleep beside me) but part of it was, of course, my natural absentmindedness. i asked him if his inquiry was friendly or if he had ulterior motives. the chef, you see, made a sudden reappearance via facebook and, when i told him i was not interested in pursuing extracurricular activities, disappeared as just as abruptly. his reply was very nicely worded and so, i thought, bore repetition:

Always the question...one asks....I probably would as well..

I think it poses a barrier in a way
I would like to keep the memory where it is,,, as i like it...
If this makes sense

I am happy you have found someone ...I mean this
I think if i seen you in person i would want to kiss you or something................so maybe lets leave it where it is.

We can say hi by email though....

I wouldnt want you to step out on anything that makes you happy.......I know I wouldnt

funny how there are actual gentlemen out there on the planet and even in the midst of my rollercoaster of sexual self destruction i managed to find one or two hiding in the shadows...

we turn, turn out hate in factories

i've been bad with my meds this week. this fact, in combination with my 'special' time, has me feeling worse in my head and my heart than i have in ages.

i'm feeling like i want to run the knife across my wrists across the palms of my hands to feel the sharp it's like i have an itch that needs to be scratched and the craving craving burning to do it is almost overwhelming is all i can think about is the picture in front of my eyes blurring my vision clouding my perspective blinding me to the screen on the desk i just want everything to go away

nicotine valium vicodin marijuana ecstasy & alcohol

traffic at the tunnel was a fucking nightmare today. apparently there was an accident on the alex fraser bridge, so all the assholes from surrey came over my way to get over /under the river. awesome.

i seriously had seen so many boneheaded aggressive driver stupid moves by 6.45 this morning i was half convinced i'd be dead by seven - especially at the moment when a jerk in a silver jetta totally pushed his way into the lane two cars in front of me, causing the guy in front of me to slam on his breaks and me to slam on mine. i wasn't in any danger of hitting him but the big rig truck rushing up behind me almost turned me into a raspberry-flavoured slinky. quite the way to start the day, let me tell you. that adrenaline will certainly wake you up, however forty minutes later you are exhausted from the fight/flight anxiety attack and ready for a nap.

It’s 2007, people. If you don’t know what to do when your neighbors start shambling around and getting all bitey, you probably deserve to die

so i emailed him back and basically pointed out that i wasn't the one he needed to convince, but he'd very def. made a mistake that most likely couldn't be rectified. i let him know that we are all aware that he held off joining another ship so that he could be on the same contract as the girl he cheated on my sister with once they'd broken up, and i told him that i suspected he was having this sudden flash of remorse because something had happened in that 'relationship'. i also told him that the sister is happier than i've ever seen her - looks great, is going out, and (most importantly) isn't wasting any more time sitting around waiting for someone who only has his eye on the horizon, casting about in search of the next big adventure. i told him only the truth and i think i said it respectfully and clearly and didn't tell him that i'd like to put his dick in a meat grinder, though i fer sher was thinking it.

so that part is done - now i just need to tell the sister that he's emailed me and that i've responded. perhaps i'll wait until she's a drink or two to the wind this weekend.

i went to the driving range yesterday at lunchtime with a group from the office - for $13 you got a box lunch, a 7iron, and a bucket of balls, plus some time with the head golf pro. now, i'm no golfer, but i sure enjoy whacking things with a stick. today. though, my right hand is a bit... shall we say crippled - the tendon in my wrist is very tight and the whole typing thing is a bit of a challenge. should be interesting....

oh ps - i finally got new glasses yay!

we can't have parties like in spain where they go all night (shut down in north america)

first things first - ok so the stanley cup isn't coming back to canada this year but let's be frank: bc has about as much in common with ontario as we do with lower mesopotamia. and i gotta say - it was pretty sweet to see the niedermeyer brothers hoist that cup - good bc boys that they are. not like i watched the end of the game, or anything. i gave up at 5-2 in the 3rd and figured i knew how it was going to end.

so this am i got up to am email from the sister's ex - the one who cheated on her for 2 months before he came home and is now off sailing europe with another woman (from all reports). he says he has come to realize he's made a huge mistake (duh) and figures she's the one for him. how do i respond to this? she's doing pretty well w/o him - has started to move on, has found a guy she might be interested in. i can't *not* tell her i got the note, but at the same time i don't want her to be confused-slash-hurt-slash-set back in her recovery. what do do?

sick sick sick don't resist

there's me & the architect on saturday night. clearly (thanks to the non-bleary gazes and general lack of slobbering) it was early in the evening. things sort of went downhill from there.
not that this is a bad thing, by any means - we all needed a night out, since its been way too long, and an extremely good time was had by all.

today, on the other hand, i am dealing with the lingering remains of a migraine, slept all morning, and just yakked up my lunch. good times.

we've more or less decided that the right thing for us to do is move to san diego. career wise, the architect is stagnating here, and he has a great deal more earning potential than i do. not to mention the fact that i am not necessarily all that emotionally invested in what i do - while i do work with some great people, the shit the management has put the staff through in the last year (it can only be assumed that they were purposely driving the value and moral of the company down as a way to price it for an easy sale. i have even speculated that the constant restructuring, layoffs and everything else were part of a plan set up with the purchasing company a year ago when they first entered talks. the massive 'retainment' bonuses gifted out to the ceo et all would surely indicate something not quite above board, and also ensure that we will be working with the same underhanded ethics) make me less than set upon staying. so.... easy move for me to make, workwise, harder to make personally. my friends, the folks, the sister, the kiddo.... all so hard to leave behind. and even with spo's excellent advice i am faced with a great deal of trepidation about starting over again.

if i were in family guy i'd be brian

intelligent, sophisticated, slightly alcoholic.

man what a weekend. i feel as though summer has officially kicked off - dinner and drinks on a sunny friday night patio (our local - a restaurant with a pub "feel" so that the kiddo can come too), brunch saturday at provence followed by some sunny wandering in kits, clubbing with the sister, the architect, the divine ms u, our new downstairs neighbour and six more of our friends saturday night, then a morning of recovery, coffee and fresh strawberries on the sundeck, followed by the ladner annual salmon bbq in the park for dinner. there was a laid back, relaxed feel of who cares if we get the chores done (even though we did actually get through most of them) that really should accompany every weekend.

random facts -

• i painted my toenails bright iridescent pink
• i'm going to make pasta for dinner tonight, and drink red wine
• i'm wearing undies with skulls all over them
• my boss bought me a hat
• i really want to go shoe shopping
• scratch that - i really want to go shopping
• i wish i were still in bed
• secretly i think that i make better bbq'd salmon than i had last night
• that makes me worry that i'm kinda vain
• i'd gladly spend all of my money on groceries, now that i have an appreciative dining audience
• er... that's it for now

jam another dragon down the hole

i'm having a bad depression day of undetermined origins - the kind that is very hard to explain to the architect, because there is no real reason, and there is really nothing you can do to fix it. you can just sit back and try to ride it out without annihilating yourself en route.

this, shall we say mood is being aggravated by the kids playing on the street outside. they're doing kid stuff - yelling, riding bikes, banging on parked cars with hockey sticks, but the cacophony MAKES ME WANT TO RISE UP WITH A FLAME THROWER AND NAPALM THEIR SKINNY PREPUBESCENT ASSES THEN FEED THEM TO HOMELESS PEOPLE ACCOMPANIED BY A GLASS OF MERLOT AND A NICE CRANBERRY CHUTNEY.

i'm fine, really i am.

baby went to amsterdam

so do you think that amy winehouse will dedicate 'rehab' to lindsay lohan when she performs at the mtv movie awards? i'm not sure why this is interesting to me - it's just the thought i had when i heard the promo on the radio this am.

oh the police were fucking incredible, by the way. if you can, move some mountains to get tickets. 3 guys, only one guitar change (that i noticed) playing for over 2 hours solid.

heh. whoops - got distracted there.

anyhoo, the police rocked, i'm exhausted, and all i can think about is what some cracked out british laddette will be lipsynching on television. good times...

logic so inflexible

so today's the big day - the culmination of a lifetime of police fan-dom. i was too young to go see them 'back in the day' - this is the only opportunity i've ever had and i'm pretty frickin excited, let me tell you.

write every day... yes that's the way it has to be.

well put it this way - if we do end up moving to san dee-ahhhgo, i'll be unemployed so it'll be you and me my friends,

you

and

me.

whether you like it or not.

i'm kind of free-form thinking today. i forgot to take my meds all weekend so i'm a touch ... shall we say ... off this morning. i did have a decent weekend, though - drank WAY too much wine, especially friday. we had one of those accidental getting loaded while playing dominoes, though. i think we broke our new downstairs neighbour. she disappeared after taking a hit off a bong with the kiddo and we didn't see her again all weekend.

hehehe whoops.

talkin only me and you talkin only me and you

so we have a new downstairs neighbour (who, by the way, is from PRINCE GEORGE - how is it that we find each other?). she's pretty cool - came up for drinks on her first night, is pretty young but not too young... anyhoo. her long-term boyfriend moved to MALTA yesterday. she's pretty broken up about the whole thing (understandably). she popped up to say hi yesterday and i ended up feeding her a glass of wine and chatting for a couple of hours.

i don't know that i'm very good with the whole 'being a supportive female friend' thing. i think it's because talking about my own emotions/feelings makes me uncomfortable - i really don't mind it when people come to me to talk and i will always listen, i'm just not sure if what i'm saying or doing is the right thing, you know? so i get fidgety and second guess myself and play with my hair and twist myself into cross-legged knots and pour red wine on the problem 'cause let's not kid if red wine can't cure it nothing can.

tap tap - is this thing on?

*ahem*. yes, it's true, i've returned from san diego about 3 elle-bees heavier and slightly more tanned.

i'm almost 65% positive we are moving there in the fall. how do i feel about this? well i have mixed feelings - real excitement and very strong apprehension. i love the idea of a new place, new adventures, sunshine most of the year. i'm worried about making all new friends, missing my family (esp. the kiddo and the sister) and not being able to get a job. does anyone know anything (ie you, spo) about packing up and moving to another country, how to do it, advice to share etc?

i have a bunch of photos to upload, and a whole pile of laundry to do and some stories to tell (i saw a decapitated deer! visited a town called weed!) and i'll get to them over the next little bit, i promise. right now, though, i need to wander through my house and become reacquainted with my possessions, do some grocery shopping, and make my cat feel as though we don't hate him.

xo

don't love me discontent

the sister is text messaging me from the airport where she is currently awaiting a flight to vegas. she's headed down for a wedding and the weekend, and is suitably excited. we had to go shopping last night for a dress - i dragged her into banana republic, made her try on a dress about $100 more than she wanted and then pretended to listen while she talked herself out of it, knowing it was perfect and she wouldn't find anything else nicer.

she bought it, of course.

i then tried to get her to buy a necklace made up of three strands of large aqua coloured jade beads but at that point she proclaimed me the devil, made the sign of the cross and fled across the mall.

i'm very good at spending other people's money, you see. well and my own, let's not kid, i just can't spend anything right now 'cause i'm leaving for san diaaahhhgo (lalala holiday lalala!) on saturday.

mind you, i did buy the kiddo a digital camera and a 4gig memory card as an early grad present - he's headed up to kelowna to be the girl's date - but that was kind of necessary, don't you think? nice camera - much nicer than mine, i have to admit. ah well it's worth it, i figure, since a few years ago he seemed hell bent on self destruction, whereas right now self immolation is just another career option.

etymology and other road trip topics

so we've sort of vaguely started planning our roadtrip. the fact that we've just started is purely a testament to how busy-slash-stressed out i've been at work these past couple of weeks, because usually, with only five days left before departure i'd have the roadmaps memorized and a timetable laid out to the second.

hey - i never said i wasn't obsessive compulsive and/or a touch anal retentive.

like you're surprised.

anyhoo - i've only vaguely started to plan. like, i know that we are going to try to leave at 4am-ish on saturday and go as far as we can before the architect starts to fall asleep at the wheel, but other than that i have no idea. i *do* know that there are some very definate things i'd like to do en route - the whole point of driving down is so i can see a bit of the countryside. we figure we'll check out the california coast on this trip, and then do the oregon coast later on in the summer.

in other worlds, my mama is hooked on that show 'are you smarter than a fifth grader' and she keeps trying to catch us with questions she has gotten wrong. this is a source of constant amusement to us, because she tends to ask fairly easy questions. don't get me wrong - she's no dumb lady - this is just stuff she hasn't thought about since, well, probably since she was in fifth grade. case in point: last night at dinner she turned to me and asked "do polar bears eat penguins?" to which i replied "pffft no - there are no penguins at the north pole" she was heartbroken.

which is interesting, because you'd think she'd be delighted that her very well educated eldest daughter would be smarter than a fifth grader.

apparently not.

Elliot Gould's Golden Hammer Of Midnight

(disclaimer - uh.... i have a head full of random thoughts today, so i apologize for the incoherent nature of this post.)

1) i've somehow hurt my neck - it feels like i've got a sore throat but on the back of my neck, and i can barely turn my head. this bodes poorly for tonight's dodgeballs of doom extravaganza.

2) i wake up in the morning more tired than i was when i went to sleep the night before. is it my bed? is it the wine? is it my deep-rooted disinclination to go to work?

3) i heard on the radio today that some company has published their estimation of what a stay at home parent would be earning for performing the duties they do. it's up to around $130,000 or something stupid. i'd like to say fuck that shit. as a non-stay-at-home mom, i do as much work inside the house as those who don't work, *and* i'm out of the house between 6.30 (when i leave in the morning) to 4.15 (when i get back home - *if* i come straight home and don't stop on the way to grocery shop, pick up drycleaning, run errands etc). so, technically, when i'm mopping the kitchen floor -slash- cutting the grass -slash- cleaning the oven -slash- scrubbing toilets -slash- baking cookies i'm working overtime so i should be getting AT LEAST time and a half. so there.

4) my cat's preferred method of waking me up in the morning involves jumping up onto my bedside table as soon as the alarm goes off. if i don't throw back the blankets and put my feet to the floor immediately, he will stare at me for about 5 minutes, and then proceed to start knocking things OFF said bedside table onto the floor. this morning he jettisoned my glasses, a small balled-up piece of paper, and the remote control for my laptop before i conceded and made my way to the kitchen to fill his breakfast bowl.

i'm half the man i used to be

there is not enough coffee in the world to keep me awake today - just so y'all know.

when i stepped outside this morning the air reminded me of ireland... something to do with the smell and texture as i breathed it in brought me back in years and miles to a place that may or may not exist only in my memory. i have no definite recollection, just a sense of having been there before.

maybe i do just need a vacation - i need to be shaken up from my routine, released from my day to day lethargy. i need to see new things meet new people walk on different streets with wide awake eyes.

maybe i need something more - maybe i need to walk away from everything leave everything behind start fresh build it all up again. maybe i need to pack one bag put down my phone walk out the the highway and see where i end up put down roots in land that doesn't turn to water six inches below the surface.

maybe i just need a vacation.