On the fritz

So I'm beginning to wonder if there's something wrong with my girlparts. Like, if I met you before and have been attracted to you, it's all good - the bits still sing and dance at your presence. However, and this is a big however, no one I meet lately can get me hot.

Like perfectly attractive people and they want me and kiss me and I'm all "yahwnnn oh hey I'm going to head home drink cheap malbec and watch top chef".

It's as though my body is living in the past and my brain is lying on a beach somewhere drinking mojitos and has forgotten that it's got a responsibility motherfucker to send shockwaves of lust through my body and help get me nekkid.

Plus I'm almost out of past seasons of Top Chef. I mean, it's not the kind of show that you can watch over and over again - there aren't that many nuances. Not like a good Danielle Steele novel, my friends, not in the least. So what's going to happen after the next guy buys me dinner and tries to get me to take my panties off and I don't have any more Top Chef to watch? I won't have Tom Colicchio's sweet smile to console me at my lack of functioning libido. I guess there's always shark week.

Also, I'm really horny.