the mozzarella stick before the chicken fettucini, girl

i have no idea how to spell fettuccine. next.

so i've succumbed to the three or four manymany friend requests i've had to join facebook. i mean, there was such a deluge of invitations how could i possibly resist? seriously. anyhoo, i'm trying it on for size. i couldn't really get into myspace, for some reason, i was all about the blogger and it just seemed like an iffy substitute, but facebook - now this is networking! getting in touch with highschool friends and confidantes! people who i couldn't stand for years are now able to get in touch with me and say hello through the wonders of the internet, rather than just grab my tits (the guys) or call me a slut (the girls after the guys had grabbed my tits) in the hall! i'm so excited.

anyhoo, yeah. i joined but it's under my real name. shoot me an email if you have also given in to the latest social scourge and i'll send you a friend request.

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ok on to hockey. did anyone see the game (and when i say The Game i naturally refer to any game in which the canucks were playing) last night? bobby lu stopped something like 72 shots on net in what ended up being the 6th longest game in nhl history. i will admit to dozing through most of the overtime periods, waking up when the architect was especially vocal beside me, so i did get to see the winning goal. yay me.

i predict vancouver in seven.

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

RIP kurt vonnegut

will wonders never cease

when i arrived at work this morning for the first time in 5 days, there was still candy left in my easter basket. now, if i were still sitting in the 'office' area and not in production, this would absosmurfley not be the case.

in other worlds, i apologize for not being around all weekend however i had to jet down to the bahamas in order to be on the front lines for the anna nicole baby daddy decision. i was in the running, of course, to be the father of the child. you cannot imagine my disappointment. i'm crushed - believe me. i may never recover. i imagine you all feel the same way, since, let's not kid, we *all* had as much likelihood of being the sperm donor as ZsaZsa's husband, or even the creepy lawyer guy.

i have no idea why i'm thinking about this.

oompa paloompa paloompa pa mau mau

how is it that i've never listened to architecture in helsinki before? i just didn't *know*. so light, so ethereal, so perfect for my present mood of anticipating 22degrees and sunshine on my front deck wearing shorts and a tank top. yes please.

i do need to get some groceries, and a couple of things for the architect and the kiddo for easter, but other than that i have no real plans for the next five days and i heart that a great deal. well except for watching my man gsp kick some ass in the ufc tomorrow. other than that, nada mes amis, nada.

so i played dodgeball again last night - we joined a league and last night took the kiddo with us. he's quite hooked as well. last week was less fun - it seemed like everyone was taking it way too seriously and i'm not nearly competitive enough for that crapola. last night, however, was seriously fun and i laughed my but off all evening.

can we revisit the fact that there are people who take dodgeball seriously? sort of invokes ben stiller in spandex, no? uh huh - ponder that for a mo.

anyhoo, i'm off to read my book. what other bands haven't i heard of?

treading trodden trails for a long, long time

so last week on FOF (fuck off friday) i discovered cracked. ok i may be the last one on the boat but i spent a very enjoyable day wasting time laughing away quietly in my little corner of the office. i turned it into one of my tabs and, this morning, flipped over to read this and had to wipe the tears from my eyes:

This is everything that's wrong with the modern media in one convenient image, for the busy modern person who needs to lose faith in humanity 'on the go'. A website dedicated to the commercials which prevent you from watching the programs on television. This is why technology hasn't done all the things it promised to, like curing cancer or constructing Killbots programmed to travel back in time and kill Steve Martin sometime after Dirty Rotten Scoundrels but before Bringing Down the House. A site dedicated to the very best in ads is like a drink brewed for the very finest of hangovers— they're focusing on a horrible unwanted side-effect and a head-injury inspired decision somewhere has somehow made it the point.

Worse, they're targeting the most annoying demographic on the planet: the "I only watch it for the ads" vacuum-headed smirkers. This is a public service announcement: SAYING YOU DO NOT LIKE SOMETHING POPULAR DOES NOT MAKE YOU INDIVIDUAL AND EDGY. It makes you dumbass— at least the unoriginal hooting herd enjoy the damn game. You're being equally unoriginal, dumber, and deliberately spending time to point out how you don't like it. Do you think a monkey that repeatedly eats stones and complains about it is the "cool, unique" monkey in among his friends? No, he's the stupid one even in a group whose main hobbies are masturbating in public and throwing shit at each other.

i had a long-running argument with a friend all through university about populist media. he had very strong ideas on the nature of 'good' music and 'good' literature. he refused to believe you could find quality or engage in active critical reading of most things present in pop culture: action movies, pop music or metal, mystery novels etc. as an aside, i wonder how he'd feel about the current popularity of the new modest mouse single? actually scratch that - he'd just say they'd sold out.*

i'm of the opinion that you can read a harlequin romance actively - approach it critically and pay attention to what is going on and what it says about society - and get more out of it than if you read, say, david foster wallace or vikram seth, or even shakespeare the way that most people read it. oprah's book club is great but if the people reading the texts don't participate in the dialogue the author is constructing between the novel and the world then they may as well be staring at a blank wall for all they are getting out of it.

furthermore, setting yourself *apart* from the mainstream by refusing to admit that you like the things that the mainstream embraces doesn't make you special, or better - it just makes you as closed-minded as a fundamentalist preacher running for senate and about as interesting. don't get me wrong - i agree that people have individual tastes and some people *don't* like popular music or movies or literature or whatever but, as someone who spent a long time in the academic world and so is rather familiar with elitist pomposity, i think that people who summarily reject *ALL* popular media are as shallow intellectually as the common masses.

i admit it - i have advanced education in literature and media and i love mystery novels. i like watching tv now and again, and love to watch hockey. i love to listen to the radio and i get really excited when a band i like becomes popular (though i'm always sad when i can't see the bands in small clubs anymore, and have to go to cavernous hockey arenas). there - i've said it. i dig pop culture. come on - say it with me. it's kinda liberating.




* saying a formerly 'alternative' or unknown band has sold out because they've achieved some level of mainstream success is a sure-fire way to throw me off on a fiery tangent of venom and proselytizing. they didn't sell out. it's the nature of the parent culture to absorb a subculture and adopt its tastes and characteristics - this is how fashion changes and evolves.

cast off the crutch that kills the pain

ok so i want to know what weather report jeff o'neil reads 'cause when i got up this morning he was talking about how it's going to be sunny and 18 on friday, but everything i've read says rain. i don't want rain on the long weekend - i want sunshine and happiness and to be able to stretch out on the lawn and read a book and warm my belly like a lizard on the rocks.

next question: crap, i know i had one. man this is like when you go sit on santa's knee and he asks you what you want for christmas, but you totally freeze up and can only spit out socks and underwear when really what you want is a Red Ryder Ranger Model Air Rifle. who the fuck really wants socks and underwear for christmas? (well me sometimes but really am i seriously going to tell santa that? i don't think so.)

so what's up - any plans for easter weekend? we had thought about heading down to oregon, but have decided to stay home and be lazy instead. this home maintenance thing sucks - i hate having to run around all weekend doing errands and cleaning and mowing lawns and and and. i just want to lie about, preferably in the sun (yes, yes i said that, i know), and do nothing really. well maybe have brunch somewhere downtown or something like that but really nothing too high pressure or requiring any energy whatsoever. what i really need is a manservant. any applicants?

oh and ps - guess who got a white blackberry pearl to play with? i love technology....

renegades are the people

more from the wild world of violence in sports: professional team play has been suspended for two weeks in greece after violence broke out between fans at a women's volleyball match and one person was killed.

ok ok you say that cricket inspires fierce loyalty and passion, but women's volleyball??? seriously.

it's not easy being green

so the first thing i did this morning was watch kermit the frog perform 'hurt'. i've gotta say - watching kermie do the h-twitch is more than a little disconcerting to someone who grew up watching the muppets. it's really not right. ergo, i refuse to link to it. however, if you don't believe me it's readily available on youtube or from your usual sources.

ok it wasn't really the *first* thing - i also got up showered got dressed ate toast drank coffee and came to work, not necessarily in that order. it was, though, perhaps the first sentient thing i did this morning.

that's a little scary, since chronologically watching hurt comes well *after* driving the 30 or so KM to the office.

i don't think i have any long hair pictures of myself on this computer (being chuck, the work laptop) that don't show me sporting a hat or an updo or something which would prevent anyone from making an educated 'cut or no cut' decision. well aside from my pervy little brother who has definite feelings on the matter.

oy i'm so sleepy i can barely keep my eyes open for some reason this morning. i'd better be perking up 'cause i've got dodgeball this evening. i heart dodgeball, even though i'm not all that good. it sure is fun, though.

xo

running towards nothing again and again and again

so the sister popped by last night and we ended up drinking wine and playing dominoes. somewhere along the line i've become addicted to dominoes. the kiddo came in with a buddy last night and introduced us all with the descriptor "they're always sitting around getting drunk and playing dominoes".

hm.

i may have a problem.

mind you, i could be sitting around getting drunk watching american idol and dancing with the stars, then falling asleep on the couch with a lit cigarette and burning the house down. that would be worse, i think. especially since i don't smoke and hate reality tv. actually the sister made us put american idol on in the background after the hockey game was over. her awesomeness gwen stefani was doing something with the contestants and she wasn't all made up and she looked, well, awesome as usual. i have no idea what she was doing there, but still.

regardless of the presence of gwen, the show met all of my expectations on the suck factor. fortunately i was a bottle of wine in by the time it came on so i can't actually remember how bad it was, i just have a general impression of awful.

dancing with the stars i removed from my memory with a slotted spoon. messy, yes, but very effective.

i'm thinking of cutting my hair off. i'm tired of the long.

overwhelm, destroying so sweetly

do i look as though i'm up to something?
nah couldn't be.

i have been pondering career options over the weekend and i'm wondering whether or not i should take a few human resources courses (and not just 'cause that's fun to say). whilst surfing about i came across a scandinavian company that does workplace wellness coaching, but focuses on making workplaces fun. this makes a lot of sense to me since it is kind of part of my role at my current employment but maybe turning it into something a little more formalized would be a rewarding path to take.

ok part of me thinks like that - the other part wonders if it's just a post-tekboom gen x conceit to think that workplaces should be fun. it is work, after all.

but then why shouldn't they? we spend more time at work than anywhere else. or i do, anyway, despite my best efforts to avoid doing much more than my 8hour stint each day. le sigh. all i know is that what i'm doing now isn't the most satisfying occupation in the world and i need to find something that gives me more.

more of what, i'm not sure.

spo's right though - i need to do something more creative 'cause i feel as though i'm becoming a spreadsheet slave, a corporate drone. bleh. before you know it i'll be buying suits and wearing sensible beige nylons under my conservatively heeled pumps, instead of knee high 3inch black leather boots and sheer black stockings.

blah blah blah this post goes everywhere. i need to sort out my head.

knew its name since before i could speak

hello saturday domestic bliss or something like that.
home depot, bed bath & beyond, big day big day
except we don't have that boring bathroom superstore just faded proximations

it's noon i'm still in bed too small white tshirt hard nipples thinking about looking for porn and fucking myself but too fucking lazy to be bothered.

(the picture's old, yeah, but i like it so deal)

who knew

that cricket was so (pardon the expression) cutthroat? i mean, you expect violence in hockey, football (the real kind not the padded up na version), and other such contact sports, but cricket?

jamaican authorities are now saying that the coach of the pakistani team was actually strangled to death after a st patrick's day loss to ireland which eliminated the team from the championships.

of cricket.

you know - that genteel english sport where they roll a ball and bat it along the ground whilst clad in a uniform that rivals golf for geeky. his wife is quoted as indicating that she immediately suspected foul play: "I mean some of the cricketing fraternity, fans are extremely volatile and passionate about the game and what happens in the game, and also a lot of it in Asia, so I suppose there is always the possibility that it could be that (murder)"

which makes sense, of course, 'cause they're .. you know ... cricket fans.

i hear the lawn bowling world cup is off tha hook.

we've yet to crash but we still might as well enjoy it

ok so i'm still home in bed. the headache has retreated to a dull roar behind my right eye, and i'm not nearly as achy as i was yesterday. i should be right as rain by tomorrow.

since i've been lying here with little to no concentration ability, i've been leafing through the resume book the architect purchased me a few weeks ago. as my company has been so tumultuous of late, i really need to put together a decent resume. sadly, i've never really had to job hunt too aggressively. the job i currently have i wandered into accidentally - i was assigned to this company as a temp and they kept me on. before that i worked with the university where all hiring is done through an archaic web of nepotism and reputation. add this to the fact that, for the past 2.5 years, my job has consisted of 'other duties as required' and resume writing becomes a bit of a pickle. i'm the girl who does stuff. whenever anyone asks 'who does that' and no one really does, the answer is always 'raspberry'. if i don't know how, i figure it out. this is, i assume, a valuable quality in an employee. however, it doesn't translate well into a tangible, definable skilset. le sigh.

i think i should make an appointment with a recruiter or career counsellor and just sit down and go through it with them. add this to the fact that i don't really know *what* i want to do and you have a situation nearly guaranteed to drive someone (and when i say someone i really mean me) insane.

le sigh.

thoughts? suggestions? great job openings made just for me?

tilling my own grave

i've been in bed all day. i spent the night drenched in sweat, waking up every few minutes with a headache that was all encompassing yet oh-so-elusive. did it exist or is it just the next manifestation of my psychosis? am i sick or am i merely incapable of dealing with the outside world destined to become a shut in trapped in a prison of my own design?

i have no answers for you. how can you expect me to know what's going on? i can barely focus my eyes on the screen in front of me for long enough to tap out my cry for help. i find solace only in motion dream of running away running running down the road with the sunroof open leaving my life behind dropping off the map. do you think it is possible? do you want to come with me?

picture it - you and i dancing on a beach with everything we own shoved in a backpack a bottle of cheap red wine propped in the sand by the fire. we'll have to be drunk, of course, have to be drunk in order to deny the pathos of our situation no food no money no friends just the constant sound of the voices in my head chasing us further faster away.

bury me at sea where no murdered ghost can haunt me

yeah i dunno what i'm doing tonight so i thought i'd post this classic shot of ciavarro and i in the spirit of the day. well i know that we are going to some sustainable living thing at the convention centre, and are then going out to do something or another, and i hope to dog that there is a vera's burger in the mix (if i didn't know better the rabid cravings i've been having for a pilgrim burger would make me suspect bun in proverbial oven but that aint the fuck the case sir, no sir not a chance).

i imagine there will be drinking.

i hope there will be debauchery.

i know there will be drunken idiots to trip over.

i'm not sure whether i will be one of them or not.

i suspect i will.

anyhoo.

i've been lapse about the blog reading lately as well. like instead of doing my daily catchup, i've been going in once or twice a week and binge-reading. that can't be good for you, can it? like they say that if you have a glass bottle or two of wine a night, it's very good for you but saving your weekly allotment for saturday nights and hittin' it large is bad for the system. it must be the same with blogging, no? (she asks, hoping for a logical reason to read blogs at work every morning). uh huh that's what i thought.

(ps that's me lying in the sunshine in sd waiting for the architect to finish work. i could get used to being a stay-at-home sextoy, my friends, i could i could)

first things first

san deeahhgo was awesome. i'm ready to move - i'm a sunshine girl and i can't help but be happy when i know that the grey in the sky is just morning haze and by 10.30am the sky will be nothing but blue blue blue.

the architect, however, doesn't really want to move backwards in life so we are trying to find a compromise - either an in-home tanning bed or a bunch of weekend trips. maybe both.

i'll have some photos to put up later, when i'm at home, using my new macbook (Angus MacIntoy II - Son of Angus). *does dance of joy*

the arctic monkeys are coming through vancouver in a couple of months. i was stuck in a meeting yesterday so i couldn't get the presale tickets, unfortunately, but you betta believe i'll be doing the refreshrefresh boogie on saturday at 10am.

Baxter! Is that you? Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee!

guess who found the camera!
well the architect, technically, but still. same difference, right? there was huge drama in the house today - the architect was pissed off & the kid was partially to blame so there was door slamming and yelling and wall punching and it was not fun all over the place. i came and hid in the bedroom and tried my best to stay out of the way. they have similar tempers, those two. le sigh. i hate arguing.

we're off to san deeahhgo today. the weather is calling for it to be sunny and lovely and warm, which is well needed and much better than here where it is supposed to be raining and nasty and gross, though not that cold, apparently.

i shall be spending the next few days (while the architect works) sunning myself and shopping. i can think of worse ways to live.

off i go!

make a killing on the dancefloor

sometimes, on a monday morning, all you have to do to shake off your early morning blues is grab a timmy's coffee and shake your ass to a little mstrkrft.

it could have been, should have been

lessee what's in my mind this am.... the architect and i are going to san dee-ahhgo next week for a few days. he's got to do some site visits and put in some office time, and i need some days in the sun. i haven't checked the weather or anything yet, but as long as it isn't raining i'm going to be deeeelighted. i really have to see if i can find my camera. i will have two days to explore on my own so i need to take a bunch of pictures and post them here. i'm a bit reluctant, though, 'cause i've experienced that oh-so-common new relationship phenomenon of a few pounds gained. not that i'm an obese slob or anything - stuff's just starting to feel a bit snug. this worries me 'cause while i do enjoy the thought of a whole new wardrobe, i really do like my clothes.

plus its almost bikini season. must deal with this asap.

i'm feeling a bit better today - mentally & physically. i have mostly cleared my head of the haze and phlegm, and i had a really good chat with one of my coworkers yesterday. when i realized that he's pretty much in the same headspace i am, it really drove things home. sooooo i went out last night and got myself a book on resume writing, and one on how to pick a good career. at least it's a start, right?

ok off to work i go...

the same ol' decent lazy eye

i'm not sure if i am just burned out or if i have finally reached the end of my rope with my job. i've been here for 4.5 years and up until recently it used to be a joke (kind of) how things never changed, even though we always heard 'after we just do this one thing, everything will be different'. stuff's never different. you can move people to new positions that they have wanted for years but if you don't give them training to do their jobs and don't get anyone else to take over their old jobs, you are just keeping them in the same place with a new chair and a new title. it's like filling a faultline full of plaster - it might look like you've made a difference but two days later the crack's going to be open again.

here's something weird - i found myself thinking about boy australia all the way in to work this morning. does that ever happen to you? even though you are completely and utterly happy with your relationship, you find yourself caught up in nostalgia for someone else now and again?

ach this post is all over the place and i have no focus today. i'm frustrated with my job and myself. why am i incapable of just standing up and saying NO i will NOT take on these new responsibilities until you have someone else to take on my old ones? see the problem is that my colleagues here are just doing that, so if i don't keep on with my previous duties my poor boss (who's already overworked and trapped doing six other peoples' jobs) will just take them on and be stuck doing them, too. it's as though the management and my co-workers know this - know that i won't let her get into that position - so are counting on the fact that i'll just suck it up. i can't though - i just can't make myself care right now because everything that i've been promised has always been just so much lip service. the side effect of all of this is that i know feel as though i'm not capable of doing anything - i've lost faith in my abilities and have no real sense of what my skills are. my confidence levels are lost to inertia. i need some kind of career counselling, or something. i need to be exposed to an employer who is a good team leader, who supports their staff and offers training and encouragement. senior management here gives the impression that they are sitting back and waiting for you to screw up; waiting to be handed the excuse to lay you off. when they get it they do just that and, frankly, i'm not sure that wouldn't be a blessing at this point.

maybe that's why i am thinking about boy australia today - he packed everything up and moved to australia. he took his dream job and just... left. maybe subconsciously i'm trying to find inspiration in someone i knew only for a brief time because i have no mentor in my current life.