samedi, août 12

Someone needs to start a fire right here

Holy fuck spo, I don't even know where to begin to even try to top that. Even the bolded red sentences were top notch. The only way to top that is start with a truthful story about the time I got high in Amsterdam and then somehow involve ninjas in it, and maybe something to do with the red-light district. Prosty-ninjas. Ok let's begin:

This is about my third night in Amsterdam and I haven't gotten high yet and I'm becoming really pissed off because the person I chose to go with was not interested in "doing fun things."Like come the fuck on. When you go to Paris, do you not go to the Eiffel Tower? When you go to Italy, do you not go see the Leaning Power of Pisa? We're in Amsterdam, so why are we not getting high?! But my luck was changing because my hippy roommates were on thier way too, and I know what they wanted.

So I said to Tammy my boring travelmate (she wanted to see the fucking HEMP museum, the Hemp museum for fuck sakes), "ok listen, I have to see my roomies for at least one night, go do something else ok?"
Awesome, so I met them at the Dam square where there was a carnival, I was a little late and half way to apologizing when I saw them just staring at the carnival with huge smiles on thier faces. My lateness did not affect thier mood whatsoever. "Soooo..",I begin "what are we gonna do?" and I hoped it wasn't to get some waffles and find the nearest museum.
"Let's go get high" Danny said and Carole nodded. I could not have been happier. In my mind I was like "fucking FINALLY!" So we headed to a Coffee shop close to one of the many bridges in the middle of Amsterdam. Went inside, there was three other people in there, one guy outside reading and relaxing with a medium size toke. And two people who were just leaving. Danny then ordered the round.
Rolled it up perfectly,
Made it correctly,
Lit it correctly,
and passed it around with the class of a gentleman.
Some people can solve complex mathematical equations. Danny can roll up the perfect joint. Anyways, it didn't take long to hit me and the sensation I felt was nothing the pot that I ever got in Canada gave me. I don't know if it might've been laced with something, (I doubt it, because I'm sure these coffee shops have some sort of laws against it or something...hey it's a business too ok?), but everything in my peripheral vision started to bump to the bass of the reggae playing. , and then we started playing cards for a bit, I have no idea what we played but I know I won a couple of rounds. And the shit just kept going and going and going. I looked around and I saw the dude who was outside with the toke, completely passed out, ready to die on the table. The dude from the coffee shop had to get him up and at em, and out of here. Bad for business. He was mumbling something like "I know how it is, you guys come to Amsterdam and can't take it." So we had to look right then, we had to take it. So we had to get the fuck out of there, that we did.

We walked to some streets here and there, really just moving. We arrived somehow back to the Dam square, before I saw a waffle stand and I got some of the best things I have ever tasted in the world. I don't know what it was, but it was delicious. Then had a blissful 15 mins staring at the lights in the carnival.

Danny and Carole left back to thier hotel, and I was going back to my hostel. But I was still in a state of high and I was just smiling and staring at everything in sight. My hostel was across from the red light district, so I had to cross it. That wasn't such a good idea, because in my state, red lights and half naked women(?) didn't work out well. So I had a lot of pimps shouting at me, "Hey AMERICAAAN" or "SHE LOOKS GOOD NO?" or "ONLY 100 EUROS!" and I'm sure one of them was damn close to making a deal with me while I was walking away because he creeped me out. Dude, I was this close to being stuck with I'm sure an ugly ass Dutch prostitute. This was also 3am, and I was being approached by other non licensed prostitutes too. And I'm not sure they were women.

So I curled up in a little ball in the middle of the bridge and prayed for the night to be over, that's when a friendly Ninja named Goju said "You're lost, you need help" and I nodded. So he shot one of those things to scale buildings and took me with him. He figured out where my hostel was and led me to my room where he then took off his mask and he was actually a SHE. And SHE was actually fucking hot! (Holy Metroid!) My mouth gaped, and then she said "I have been watching you from afar, I have been waiting for a chance to be with you"
"Are we about to get it on?" I asked
"We already have" and then left through the window. I never saw her again.

The lesson is the same that the guy from the coffeeshop said when I left it, "Enjoy, have fun, and don't get too hiiiiiiigh"