my life is a stereo

so on saturday night the architect, the sister and i watched an inconvenient truth - an eye-opening film at the very least. it's crazy to think how much damage we've done to our planet in just a few generations, no? there were only three countries that failed to ratify the Kyoto accord (australia, the us, and monaco) but the current canadian administration is hell-bent upon undoing any good that may have been accomplished by the liberal government - all the while blaming said 'previous administration' for every conceivable sin. budget overruns? their fault. government corruption and scandal? oh those dirty liberals. someone left the toilet seat up? damn you paul martin!

the stephen harper press conference in which he apologizes to Maher Arar on behalf of the canadian people is a chorus of 'not me' which puts the sounds coming from a schoolyard playground to shame. i kept looking over my shoulder to see who'd shaved the cat, broken a window or spilled the milk. his recent about-face when it comes to environmental issues (as per the CBC, recent polls indicate that the environment is tres chic in the cause du jour in the minds of most canadians. put a scoop of ice cream on top - voila! global warming solved) is (to my mind) further reason to trust this man about as much as i trust my own instincts when it comes to money, dating, and/or moderation in wine consumption). case in point - the liberal website has published a copy of a letter written by our fearless leader referring to 'the battle of Kyoto' and calling the now defunct ultra right wing canadian alliance party to arms to defend decent hardworking canadians from those shameless job-stealing hippies and crazy masked activists. i really wish there were some kind of idiot-proof iq test which we subjected people to before we allowed them to hold positions of power.

le sigh.

more reading: bush administration doctors reports; fallout from global warming expected to be 1000 years; the cbc on harper's letter

even if we're just dancing in the dark

it must be said that i make fucking awesome lasagna for a white girl of irish descent. that was my big deal of the weekend - spending half of saturday simmering meat sauce and putting together dinner. well that and riding around steveston on FJ (the cruiserbike i got for christmas) with the architect and the sister. the weather underground kept promising a sunny beautiful weekend but we've been socked in by grey for two days - the skies open up for an hour or two of sun each day before the fog descends. downfalls of living on the ocean, i guess. i really do need to see some sunshine, though. i had huge plans of sunnyday bicycle riding which have not particularly come to fruition. le sigh.

i wish i knew where my camera is - i imagine it's hiding in one of the four boxes still resting unpacked here in the bedroom. every day they stare accusingly at me and every day i ignore them completely. it's like not staring at the pink elephant in the room.

i'm updating my blogroll (spo has a new one) and my dancecard today. i'm having one of those days where i want to spend no time at all away from my computer because i feel as though i'm on the cusp of a breakthrough and i can only reach it by writing. sometimes it takes me putting fingertips to keyboard to be able to really work these things out, you know?

i do know that it has to do with me & the architect and the huge fight we had last week about the only thing that's ... off with us. it has to do with sex and i know you'd never expect that from me but lately all i've wanted to do is go to sleep and i'm not sure why. i think it has something to do with the weird labels in my head and how deep down even though i love sex and am proud of how sexy i am, in my head fucking the way i want to be fucked is dirty and isn't the way that good girls act. and here i am, now, being a good girl - faithful and happy and content and and and. who is this puritan in my head? who put these words these doubts in my soul and why doesn't she just want me to be happy? somebody tell the voices to
just
shut
up

patiently erasing and recording the wrong episodes

ok i know that those are probably not the real lyrics to the new modest mouse song, but dammit i heart that song and that's the way i hear them so screw y'all.

listening to modest mouse in the morning puts a smile on my face.

question - if you were paris hilton would you leave a whole whack of sextapes etc in storage and then fail to pay the bill?

nope, me either.

who are you to wave that finger

new years-ish resolutions:

1) write
2) every
3) day

seriously i'm getting ridiculous. i love writing - i do. but it's like any form of exercise. you have to do it every day for it to do you any good. and, also like any other form of exercise, sometimes you have to coax, cajole, and bully yourself into getting off yer ass and doing it. i really have no reason - my weekday evenings have settled into a nice comfortable routine of getting home from work, making out with the architect if the kiddo is out of the house, cooking dinner, doing odds and ends of chores, and either going out for a couple of hours or settling in on the couch/bed with a book or to watch tv.

i'm getting frickin' lazy and it's not good. i'm getting out of practice and it's not good.

fuckinell.

i also need to get back into doing yoga 'cause my back has started to bother me. the muscles are getting lazy like the rest of me. i can't wait for spring to get closer - my new bike is great but it sure sucks riding in the rain. i could even (gasp) maybe even ride to work on occasion, once it is light enough out in the mornings. i'd have to hitch a ride through the tunnel of course, but that's not a big deal. actually who'm i kidding. that's not going to happen any time soon LOL. i like being leisurely in the morning - drinking coffee and listening to the radio while i get ready. let's not get crazy about this...

any ideas for motivating yourself to do positive things for yourself?

can i get an amen?

hey big spender

ok so the architect was in a really blah mood yesterday. we had the world's most quiet drive home. once we got in the door he retired to his office to check his email and i put my jammies on and crawled into bed.

this part is hard for me, you know. i'm used to dealing with my own moods, but navigating someone else's is kind of new. the kiddo just gets grumpy - if you leave him alone till he's ready to talk you emerged unscathed by the sharp edge of his tongue. the architect, though, i'm not familiar with to the extent that i can easily separate his ... blues, i guess from me - i can't *not* take it personally. i'll learn, i guess.

anyhoo - i dealt with it by being stupid and cheerful in an attempt to elicit a grin of some sort. once i could see him begin to come around, i suggested a visit to a restaurant i noticed in tsawwassen - illuminate (ill-oo-min-ah-tay). an expensive dinner for a wednesday (dinner and wine for two came to $130) but well worth it when we emerged both smiling and full (mmm i had venison osso bucco). then i took him home and fucked his brains out. rawr.

sending out an sos

i don't know about you, but i'd be one of the first in line to pick up tickets to a police reunion show. i was (ok kinda still am) a massive fan. i just wish i knew where my 'message in a box' box set was... i'd bust it out and be singing along even as we speak. it's probably packed away in my folks' storage along with my teapot and various other kitchen type goodies. le sigh.

sweet mother of god! the cons are touring cross canada again this spring, my friends, and will be hitting vancity april 12. hopefully this does not coincide with anything else already in the works, as i must must must be there. interesting note - the 12th is a thursday which means that the following day is friday the 13th. if there were ever a better reason for a personal day, i cannot come up with one.

fun facts about the empire state building

is there anyone out there who isn't watching 'how i met your mother'? if so, you need to fix that a-sap. it's on tonight.

ok next - so we went tobogganing on saturday. the architect ended up with a concussion, and another member of our group broke her wrist. at what point do you say to yourself 'i'm too old to do this?' clearly 34 is not it, since i emerged unscathed. yay me!

i feel remarkably apathetic and unmotivated lately. I even spent a large-ish amount of money on clothes friday, but this retail therapy did little to alleviate my malaise. i need an existential shock to the system, grosse pointe blank style (what did debi newberry call it? i forget...) maybe it's my work environment - i can't wait to change roles here, because the people around me are always so frickin' cranky / unhappy. it has to be that because my homelife has been so great - the kiddo is happy, the architect is great, the house is lovely and clean and homey... le sigh.

anyhoo - we are going to federico's supper club on saturday. tourism vancouver is doing 'dine out vancouver' again this year - a whole bunch of restaurants particpate and you can have food from a set menu for $15, $25, or $35 dollars. i've never been, but have heard it's a blast. if you want to join us, we're going for 8pm..

dead disco, dead funk

ug i'm back to work for the first time in two weeks. I have no idea, seriously, how i ever managed to come to the decision that getting up this early EVER was a good idea. le sigh.... i couldn't fall asleep for anything last night - ended up getting up and popping some melatonin at around 11 then finally settled in. i was hot, then cold, then hot again, and the architect was snoring peacefully away with the cat curled up on his chest about six seconds after he shut his eyes. i wanted to use them both for paintball target practice.

someone give me a job i can do from home, please. or at least one that i can get super excited about going to every morning....

oh, canada!

team canada and the canucks both in one day? myohmy i can barely contain myself...

ahh i got nuttin. i haven't done much except lie about, ride my by-cycle and read books for the last two weeks so really, what else is there to talk about? ridley was complaining about blogs that are day-to-day archiving of the bloggers' lives - i don't particularly want to fall into that pattern, but at the same time, sometimes that's what i want to write about, you know? like how yesterday me, the architect and the kiddo crashed out in the living room in our pj's till almost 2pm watching hockey and drinking tea before we struggled up off the couches to go for lunch with friends. it was great - relaxing and fun and weirdly family-like except my family doesn't really do things like that. in my family it mostly feels like you put in your time and then get away from each other as quickly as possible. well not the sister and i, but still. to actually spend the day in relaxing (well kinda tense uptight sort of excitable, but relaxing nonetheless) companionship was a loverly change. anyhoo....

oh - sharing. on digg, today, they posted a link to a site that indexes online tv shows and movies etc (sweet mother of god who knew there was so many versions of stargate?)

music makes the world go round

check this out. the relationship between music and the brain is an interesting one - long ago i remember reading about how listening to classical music while studying helps you retain information at a better rate. i also noticed (and puzzled over) the fact that i could remember lyrics to songs years after the last time i'd heard them, but ask me to memorize a poem for class? fuggedabuddit. i've kind of become addicted to digg. maybe it's just 'cause i've spent the first two hours of nearly every morning in the last two weeks lying in bed, sipping coffee, surfing the net, and digg gives me a pleasant way to do it, but still. just like last year i've become addicted to top ten lists. le sigh. why can't we parcel them out throughout the year? i'd be so much more productive.

so i have to go back to work on monday. i'm not really looking forward to it, to be honest. my job has been less than satisfying; the working environment has been tense at best; you get the sense that the board doesn't REALLY care too much about the people who work for them... ah the same old complaints. my boss rocks - she's the real reason i haven't turned tail and run long ago. well that and i need to have a job 'cause while the architect probably *could* support us all, i'm not the kind of person who's comfortable with that idea at all. i like being able to pull my own weight, you know?

i do sort of feel like i should have accomplished more this vaykay. i still have boxes of stuff lying around; i still have pictures and lamps waiting to be hung; i still i still.... all i have really done is cook, watch movies, and lie about surfing the innerweb. not a bad thing per se, but not at all productive, either. oh though i did finish reading a couple of books, which is a good thing. i don't read (paper, not web) nearly enough anymore. i used to get through a book per week, easily. now i'm lucky to finish a book per month. now that things have settled down round the homestead, though, i should be able to get back into the swing of things, i hope.

speaking of which - i should take a shower and think about what to do for the day. my two hours are almost up and i still want to lie here...

twas the best of - slash- worst of

**edit** - i started this on the 30th... i'm a bit of a procrastinator, this week. since i'm on vay-kay, all i want to do is lie around in my jammies and read, especially since we ended up not going away for the new year (my back is spasming, the architect has a deadline). anyway onward...

ah the ubiquitous (sp?) list...

1) most frustrating / fascinating debate about me, carried out by people who've never met me: well it has to be a tossup between this one and this one. seems so long ago. plus now i wish i could sit them all down and say "ha! told you so! look where i am now!"

2) worst song of 2006: again, tied between that fucking my chemical romance song (oh for the days when they used to be good), the hinder song about cheating on your girlfriend, or that other 'ladies and gentlemen' song. ohh or maybe the evanescence single? too many to choose from...

3) albums i listened to the most: fabriclive 29 - evilnine; back to mine - adam freeland & back to mine - liam prodigy; 10000 days - tool; alexisonfire - crisis; beck - the information; DFA Remixes - chapters 1 & 2; dj champion - chill 'em all; kasabian - empire; rise against - the sufferer and the witness; swayzak - route de la slack; snow patrol - eyes open.

4) most disappointing album of '06 - sam's town by the killers. hands down.

5) my favourite post i wrote last year: april 5, 2006

6) my favourite movie - a scanner darkly
-------------------------------------------------------

ahh i dunno.. i've lost my rhythm. the architect is feeling a bit down today. he's regretting not going away with his friends this weekend, a bit, and worried that we are turning into a 'normal' couple. he doesn't want that - says he doesn't do well with routines and schedules. what do i say to this? we have gone through a very busy month - moving and families and christmas and and and. i hope he's not regretting asking me to live wiht him. it's only been a month - if he's feeling already that things are stagnating we can't be long for this world, i don't think. oh that makes me sick to my stomach, thinking that.

happy blog-day

that's the first photo i ever posted of myself - one year ago today. it's funny, isn't it, what changes a year can bring? (warning - i'm feeling a little emotional 'cause i haven't taken my meds in .. well long enough to feel the effects, but not long enough to have brain shivers)

three years ago in the sanatorium: "this would be my first attempt at this. i am, if you will, a blog virgin. i've been thinking about the wierdness of connecting with people on the internet. it's not like i have trouble meeting people in *real* life-- i am just fascinated by the sheer volume of people that i have no other way of coming in contact with. does this make me a bit of a tart? hmm i wonder."

it's funny, 'cause even as i wrote those words, three years ago, i never thought anything would ever come of this meeting people on line thing. i never really thought i'd develop virtual relationships with like-minded human beings all around the world - people whom, even though i've never really *MET* them, i still miss when i don't hear from them / check in on what's up in their worlds. i wish that i head the means to send plane tickets to him and him, and her and him, and him and everyone else here to have a big party in my house with lots of drinks and stories and drunken teary-eyed confessions and laughter and more drinks. i wish i could, but i can't. the thought is there, though, and the invitation is open - we have an extra bedroom, and some couches, and a kickass purple chaise and they all are open to you, all of you, where-ever you are if you feel like a holiday or a break and head my way.

and, less than a year ago, i met this great guy online. he's incredible, the architect, and, while he may raise an eyebrow if i were to announce that a whole bunch of blog people were coming to visit, would never question it or anything else. he'd just sigh, pat me on the head, and check to see if anyone had bothered to dust the spare room since the *last* time someone came to stay. we're going away on friday. but in the next couple of days i'll try to put together some of my favourite memories of the past year - whether they're good or bad, they are what they are and they made an impact on me. i'd like to hear yours, too, if you don't mind, but whatevs.

xo

and a partridge

what did you get for christmas?
did uncle arthur get drunk and pass out on the lawn again?
did you wake up the whole family puking on christmas day?
did una want to sieve the gravy at the turkey curry buffet?

i want to know it all....

a snapshot of life at raspberry's house...

email exchange between the architect and i this morning:

him: what's this world coming to when i have to defrost desserts in anticipation of my lunchtime sugar jonesing?

me: I am a bad, bad girlfriend. Clearly. How dare I prepare several family's worth of baking and then store it in the FREEZER?! For shame....

him: exactly. you're going to get a spanking tonight young (sizzling-hot) lady.


we like spanking...

i see my heart explode, it's been eroded by the weather here

well i'm glad to hear that i'm not the only one who gets a rash when that song comes on the radio - and picklesack, too! you can be hanged as a traitor in vancity for even implying that you might find nickleback a tad grating.

the winds are going to pick up again here today. we've had some crazy frickin' weather this year - seriously. last week during the windstorm the architect and i were woken up by a massive metallic crashing in the street. i leapt to my window to see what was the matter, but alas the moon on the crest of the rain soaked lawn revealed that my car (the green goblin, itself) was still in place - my wondering eyes spied only a garbage can careening down the block. le sigh - i had really hoped santa was getting me a new FJ for christmas...

oh heh - apparently our esteemed RCMP were called out to a mall yesterday to break up a gaggle of drunk santas. is that the correct word for a group of santas? gaggle? herd? flock? whichevs - drunk santas getting rousted by the cops is comedy gold...

you know you make it hard not to vomit...

it's a miracle that there is any morning at all that i make it to work without ritualistically flaying someone. seriously. the day that i no longer have to go through that fcuking tunnel to get anywhere will be a happy day indeed. four g-darn double long dumptrucks riding bareback REFUSING to let any silly little CAR come between them and their heavy duty truck on truck dance of love. RAWWWRRRRRR!!!!

to add insult to injury they played that fucking hinder song - quite possibly the worst song on the radio today. yes i said worst. seriously - every friday night, in tacky top forty bars all across north america, drunken frat boys are grinding coked up former cheerleaders to that song right before the ugly lights come up, thinkin that they're don juan casanova, when really they are mac'ing to a song about CHEATING ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

FYI - not romantic, fellas.


(ps - i might have a little bit of pre-menstrual tension. i'm not sure why i get that sense, but there it is.)

a festivus

oh man i'm starting to think that there is something to this whole bah humbug grinch thing.

bah.

humbug.

i ran my ass off all weekend - shopped like crazy, baked, organized, decorated, stressed myself out, puked my guts out, and for what? seven days before christmas, then i pack it all up and it's like it never happened.

bah.

humbug.

i think i just need to sit back and relax in the lights of my tree (finished decorating at 10.30 last night), gaze upon our newly purchased dining table (bought in a rush at 5.30 last night) and drink a gallon of wine. oh wait i can't cause i still have baking to do, some gifts to purchase, and then i have to wrap the works.

bah.

ok i'm done now. hey the architect and i are going to have a festivus/christmas/housewarming/what-have-you party on the 22nd. if you care to brave the drive to metro ladner, we'd love to have you. send me an email and i'll pass on the topo maps...

oh what fun it is to ride

so on my way to work there is a decidedly dark stretch in a light-industrial area. in the mornings, if i hit it at just the right time, driving along that length of road is akin to running a 'young drivers' obstacle course - all these dark clad targets darting out from between cars, doing that sheepish shuffle-run in front of your car clutching lunchbags and umbrellas. one day a tragedy will occur, some little traffic dodger will be laid out like yesterday's tuna sandwich.

seriously.

a cornucopia of goodness blissfully bursting in my belly (or something like that)

so i've just converted my blogs over to 'the new blogger'. aside from looking slightily... er... shall we say budget i'm not noticing much difference.

i'm unenthused about my job, lately. it's not that i don't *care*... well kind of i don't but i think it's just that the past few weeks have been emotionally trying and i need a holiday. fortunately, i work three days this week, then next is the week before christmas, then i'm off till january 8th. i heart vacations. we are going up the sunshine coast for 4 days for new years with a bunch of people, and off to whistler for boxing day, but aside from that it's going to be a lot of doing nothing, i think. hopefully the weather will be nice so we can do some fun outside type stuff, but i can't be assed to make any more concrete plans than that. plus, lets not kid - no matter how relaxing you think that christmas vacations will be, they always end up being a nightmare of busy-ness. i'm going to attempt to avoid that.

i finally went grocery shopping for the christmas baking yesterday. $250 later, i have almost all the stuff i need. (i say almost 'cause round about 3am i was jerked out of a deep sleep by the realization that i'd forgotten to buy icing sugar. or maybe it was the bedroom door slamming in the wind - who can say?) i've got quite a list of things to put together, but since the architect and i have finally got the house (mostly) sorted out, i can ignore the remaining boxes (can't do anything with'em until i have some shelves) and focus on cranking out at least one shining gem o' christmassy goodness a night.

------------------------------------------------------
in other news, i read this article this morning and found it quite fascinating. the constant evolution (or is it a devolution?) of language is a source of great interest for me. i love reading about how words gain power or lose power through use or lack thereof. say, for example, christmas. now that walmart has 'brought back christmas', does it mean that the term has finally become a generic label for a formerly religous now increasingly secular celebration? what does christmas even mean anymore? for me it's mostly a time of celebrating with family and friends - there is very little religious meaning to it. i wouldn't go so far as to say that it's completely commercialized for me - i think rather that, in my head, it's closer to a time to celebrate love and friendship and caring and giving. does that mean, therefore, that what i do should be called something different? like, does the pc-friendly 'winter holiday celebration' designation stand as more appropriate to use in my case, or has the word 'christmas' gone the way of xerox, jello, and kleenex and come to signify any event (christian or NOT-christian, but not those associated with other religious denominations) celebrated at that time of year?

anyhoo... i'm getting too text-heavy. i'll try and post some pix from the office christmas party which ended up being legend (wait for it! hope you aren't lactose intolerant 'cause here it is..)dairy....