hot feet

when my feet are hot, i can't sleep. does anyone else have that problem? and what, exactly, causes it? why is it that the rest of my body is completely normally temperatured, and my feet are on *FIRE*? so irritating. i was awake forever last night - could not cool my feet off to save my life. i stood on the cold tile, i sat them in a sink full of cold water - nothing. this must be some kind of warning sign for a dire medical condition. diagnosis, please.

this thing with (***) is still rolling around in my head. he's caught between his two worlds, trying to make a decision between what makes him happy and what he feels like he *should* be doing. i still hold to my opinion that he's going to stick with his responsibilities. that's the kind of person he is. but i shall be heartbroken (again, still). i really love him a lot. wow. there's so much feeling present. i generally ask people i know who are in long-term successful relationships how they knew the person they are with is the one they should be with. invariably, the answer is 'you just know'. the funny thing is that with (***) i know. how do i reconcile that? how do i come to terms with the fact that the person i feel SO much for, that the person i feel safe with and comfortable with and *ME* with will probably choose to be with someone whom he feels less than that for, because things with her 'aren't that bad'. he will choose the easy road because it's, well, easy. makes me really angry.

he went to see a counsellor the other day who told him that he was just addicted to me. this has got to be some kind of breach in counselling ethics - is our culture so marriage-centric that this person honestly would rather assume that his feelings for me are pathological rather than that there is something missing in his marriage, or, even closer, that I am someone special who has stumbled into his life and who he actually does have genuine, intense, passionate emotion for? i was so angry when he told me that - his wife is, of course, going to latch onto the idea that he's addicted to me and therein lies the difficulty in the marriage, rather than assume responsibility for her role in the decline. it shifts all of the blame and guilt onto him (and me, cause i am now no better than heroin or crack) and leaves him with the sole responsibility for 'fixing' something which may very well not be broken, just not *right* anymore.

hmm deep thoughts for a sundae morning. i'm obviously spending too much time by myself again.