ohhh miguel....

(you have to reckon back to the james bond films... the female love interest always, at least once, breathes out "ohhh james..." as she succumbs to his charms...)

miguel migs is so much fun. and so darned hot, i could barely take my eyes off him. wow.. and i got to meet the lovely swizzalicious, in her great little black dress - how cute is she?

i'm running on 3 hours of sleep here, kids, so please excuse if i am a little less than coherent. (going to bed at 6.30 wouldn't be bad if i could SLEEP till noon. but OH NO, i have to wake up at NINE). i've been lying on the couch watching bad movies and looking at the sunshine, thinking i should be out there but unable to bring myself to actually move, you know? just one of those days...

so last night started with a work cocktail party which was more fun than i expected it to be.. it was pretty low key, and the upper managers didn't come, so people were laid back and having a good time. i was looking around though (and this is something that i considered at length later in the evening) and thinking about the difference between colleagues and friends. you can be friendly with your colleagues, but that doesn't mean they are your friends, you know? and last night i was sitting there with my fellow project manager and realizing that we were friendly colleagues, but not friends. now i had at one time thought we might become friends, but i think we are essentially pretty different. she's super nice - and even last night i could tell that she was reaching out, but it just isn't there for me, you know? maybe it's cause deep down inside i'm not sure i can trust her - i know that she's pretty career focused and will definately fight to protect hers, even if it means selling me out, you know? maybe that's unfair.

after a couple of hours, i headed off into the fog to hook up with the divine ms u and start our evening of fun. after a quick cocktail we booted downtown to get the festivitiEs underway.. we did a little kissing and a lot of talking last night.. shared some secrets.. i broke down and told her about mr. m - she had suspected for a long time, and i'm pretty sure she can be trusted. we know lots about each other that no one else (at least at work) does. so she may be reading this sometime today.. i've given her the link, which i had been hesitant to do, just cause lots of the stuff i've talked about i would never want work people to have access to.

there's so much of me that i don't want lots of people to have access to - this journal is a place where i sort of air my thoughts and get things out of my head, but i do still keep things inside a lot. but my friends who read this definatly get to know stuff about me that i would never volunteer in a face to face conversation. it's a place of vulnerability for me - i have a lot of trouble letting people 'in', naturally. so giving away my thoughts and ideas and writing can be very hard. meh, i don't know where i'm going with this. i'm always very introspective the day aftEr. and a little sad, too. but that's ok...