i wonder

i was reading over at matt good's space and pondering his ponderings over youth violence. he's been discussing this sort of on and off since last friday or so, when he was the victim of some random violence himself - that is, someone threw a wrench at his head while he was on stage.

it comes at a fairly timely moment - kelly ellard was just convicted of the murder of reena virk yesterday. for those of you unaware of the story, 22yr old kelly ellard was charged with participating in the beating and murder of (then)14 year old reena virk. it's taken eight years to come to a verdict on this case, and there was only one other person prosecuted for the murder.

that aside, matt good has posted a link to a fairly graphic video on his site - i guess the fun new trend in highschools (less cool than, say, ipods but moreso than tongue rings) is to have random spectator beatings which are filmed with a digital camera or mobile phone and uploaded to the internet.

he comes down fairly hard on the parents of the kids who participate in such activities. while i support a lot of what he's saying, i also would maybe, just maybe, put up a hand in caution.

first of all, teen violence is not a new thing. when i was thirteen years old, a girl a good foot taller than i decided to waylay me on my route home from school, hold me at arms length, and pound the crap out of my face because the guy she had a crush on preferred me. the word had gotten out ahead of time, so there was a crowd of probably 200 people there to witness the fun. the only reason she stopped is 'cause one of my (male, by the way) friends jumped on her back and pulled her off me. she was the daughter of a cop. this would be all the more horrifying if it were a random event, but nope -happened at least once a week, in my school.

second of all, it's way to easy to blame parents and say that people see raising children as an inconvenience. i think that's too simplistic. we live in a society which essentially demands a two income household. only the upper middle class can really afford to have one parent stay at home and, well, parent. and it's not a matter of having luxuries and two cars and a cell in every pocket - it's that to rent a two bedroom apartment in most parts of vancouver you will have to spend between $1500 and $2000 per month. forget mortgages - for a family home the dollars and cents are over 300K. who can afford that on 45-500000 per year? parent's just can't always be there. you try and teach your kids to make good decisions and be caring citizens, but, ultimately, you can't always be there.

i think that you can't separate 'parents' from society at large. we have become completely disconnected from our sense of responsibility to our community as a whole. it's very trendy to be worried about green space in our neighbourhoods, or to make sure you take cloth bags to the grocery, and to recycle and that stuff, but what the hell does that matter if we have lost sight of the importance of teaching our children that we are all intertwined? is spending time bringing attention to amnesty international more important than mentoring kids in a local highschool, or maybe volunteering to give music lessons at a local boys and girls club, or just taking the time to talk to the boy in the next apartment who's single mom maybe has to work two jobs just to keep food on the table?

we are so isolated, now. we live in suburbs where we only sleep. we drive everywhere. we don't speak with our neighbours or the folks beside us in line or the grocer or the newsagent or anyone else. heck - in my office it's more common to phone or use the instant messanger to talk to your coworkers than it is to go over to their desk and say hello. we don't see ourselves as part of a greater thing.

so ya, everyday youth violence is, in part, the fault of the parents. but, in a larger sense, it's my fault and your fault and his fault and her fault.

so here's my challenge to you, matt good - you are extremely well spoken and extremely influential and well respected. i challenge you, matt good, to maybe, just maybe, try and bring as much attention to local programs that try and teach kids to be active, caring members of our communities as you do to darfur, and amnesty international and all those other worthy charities. 'cause sure, here in canada we are pampered and live soft lives and don't have bombs raining down on our heads every day. but that doesn't mean the kids who live here deserve respect and love and mentoring and education any less than iraqui children or sudanese children or american children or anyone's children.