things i have learned this weekend

1) i can*NOT* do stupid things like eat a piece of pizza at three am anymore. i used to be able to do it, just once in a while, you know? not anymore. spent the first 3 hours i was awake yesterday puking. not fun.

2) orangina is, indeed, the liquid of the gods. think of it - lightly carbonated to help the belly, slightly sweet to get my sugar levels back up, brightly vitamin-c'd to help with recovery. gorgeous.

3) what i'm really looking for is one man who combines the qualities currently being brought to my life by The New Boy and r-. The New Boy = stable, considerate, caring, older than me, reads, mature, stuff like that. r- = fun, dirty, laughs like crazy, gets more out of music than even i do, parties his ass off, stuff like that. both = tough boys, scrappy, short, strong, work out, irreverant, like sex. do you think there exists a guy who has ALL of these qualities? could i be so lucky?

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seriously, though. i'm 32-almost-33 years old. should i be looking for the more-stable laid back boy? what am i doing hanging out with a 26 year old kid who just wants to spin records and fuck and party? i'm just not ready to give that stuff up yet, you know? that's something i learned with mr.m. i am not ready to stay home every weekend and do "family" stuff and garden and run errands all weekend. i need to find someone who is both things - cause there are definately moments (like saturday night) when i want to curl up on the couch and watch videos and eat chips and fall asleep and wake up to someone carrying me to bed and tucking me in.

but on friday night.. friday night i hit the ground running as soon as i got off work and didn't slow down till 6am saturday morning. at one point on friday night when we were still at the club r- looked at me and said "you know, no matter how far i push you, you turn around and look at me and ask me to go farther... how far are you going to let me go?" and i gave him the only true answer, which was "farther than you ever dreamed you could", then made him chase me as i whirled and spun across the dance floor. friday night was about electricity and attraction and loud music and lights and boys and vodka and knowing, KNOWING that he was blowing off other plans not 'cause he wanted to go dancing where we were going but 'cause he wanted to fuck the HELL out of me at the end of the night. (i'm not painting him in a very positive light right now... i'm making it sound like there isn't very real affection between us, and like we don't genuinely enjoy each other's company, which isn't true at all.)

so how do i find a boy who is both? do you know one? are you one? does such a boy exist? what qualities does your ideal mate possess? are you holding out till you can find them? or have you given up on your dream and are settling for someone you aren't entirely happy with, or settling for solitude and friends and work?