dutch courage

just gave tnb's voice mail a stern talking to, so i did. told him that warning someone that you are flakey is not the equivalent of a 'get out of jail free' card, is not a free pass to act like an asshole. told him that just 'cause he told me he was a flake does not give him the right to treat me like i'm nothing. does not give him the go-ahead to come to my house and fuck me (after breaking up with me for the second time) then disappear again for a week. it's just not right.

i'm so brave when i've had six beers and am talking to a tape recorder. look at me go.

why am i home alone? well 'cause i was just out with the sister and some friends for sushi and drinks then i got all weirded out and wanted to be in my car in the dark with the radio going so i drove home slowly carefully listening to adam freeland really really loud with the heat blasting and all the windows open. i'm sure that wasn't a dead giveaway for any po-lice driving by. yet none of them stopped me and i made it home safely. good job, raspberry.

i know that drinking and driving is irresponsible but sometimes it has to be done. and i am not really drunk, just uninhibited. like, i wanted to start randomly calling all the boys in my phonebook and telling them where to meet me and what we were going to do when we got there and most of these things involved being naked. and more drinking. and more naked.

but i didn't actually do that. what i actually did was the drunk dial shit giving to the guy who i love. you know, the guy who has his head so far up his own ass that he's actually making eye contact with me.

fucker.

why do i only like the boys with baggage?

why do only boys in longterms smile at me?

can someone please answer these questions and maybe bring me another beer, or perhaps a vodka-soda to wash my anti-allergy pills down with? thanks.

and while we're at it, let's solve some more of the world's problems. like how can we find a way for all of the hot wonderful single women i know to meet up with the hot wonderful single men which MUST be out there, somewhere? you know, me included. where do i find these mythical men? whereohwhere?

i realized today that the kind of man i need is like an oldschool mountainbiker snowboarder indie rocker type, but the kind who has mostly grown out of it. i've got a picture of him in my head, kind of. i want the kind of guy who still goes out and totally has fun, still likes to see live music and party and stuff, but has his shit together, too. 'cause that's what i've got going on. i've mostly outgrown it, but still can't quite give it up - and probably never will. i'm not sure why this is relevant to what i'm saying, but i did, after all, warn you that i drank six beers already, and decided to wash down my allergy meds with the dregs of the two-day-old bottle of water sitting here by my bed. mmmm i heart that shit. the allergy meds at least make it so i can sleep through the night, and i'm sure the beers will be a nice addition to that situation. good sleeps will be had by all this evening.

i can't cry though 'cause the allergies have made it so that my eyes are really really dry and i currently have no tears.

though i'd kind of like to cry 'cause i'm pretty sad about the tnb sitch, truth be told.

ok enough drunken rambling for one evening. g'nite xoxoxo