good raspberry (sort of)

so last night i went to see a movie with a friend. this friend and i have always had a low level of flirtation goin' on, but he's got a long term and i've had tnb for nine-ish months and so nothing's ever happened.

anyway.

we went to see derailed (which was surprisingly good - rachel is alright, believe it or not) and then went to the pub for a couple of drinks. i had two beer and got LOADED - not sure how that works but hell sometimes i guess i'm just a cheep drunk i shouldn't fight it. if i could do that all the time i'd be a much wealthier woman.

but i digress.

see on friday night he asked me to go hang out and i decided it would be a bad idea 'cause his gf is out of town and i got the sense that he was thinking about maybe just maybe sampling a little raspberry sweetness so i stayed home and drank wine and chatted with you, my friends. last night he wanted to see a movie so i made him come to my part of the world and figured it'd be safe.

it was kind of weird.

i guess he is going to get engaged at christmas. he promised the girl that he'd do it before the new year. i guess he figured this weekend would be his last chance ever for a fling a dance for stepping out and seeing what the fuck he's missing before resigning himself to one bed for the rest of his life. i guess he decided that the person should be me, 'cause he didn't just want to hook up with someone he wanted it to be a woman he cared about and respected and found beautiful.

oh sweetie i said that's unbelieavably sweet but i can't. i can't be that girl. i don't want to be the girl who sleeps with other girls boyfriends. i don't want to be the one last fling anymore i don't want to be the girl who's the fuck. we sat in the car and talked about it for like an hour after the pub closed and i could tell he really wanted to change my mind, but he was very respectful and sweet and didn't push. i told him to go home and that i just couldn't. he sent me a couple of textmessages asking if i was sure and i said yes goodnight.

then i called tnb at 2.thirty am for something for reassurance for validation but he didn't answer. i shouldn't have done that but i needed to hear that it was ok, or that i was right, or not to hear anything but just to talk to him maybe. but he didn't answer so i just said 'hi i'm drunk it's late i'm sorry for calling' and hung up.