day before the night before

so i went back to the doctor today after a couple of months of blood test and puzzlement and being oh-so-very tired all the time (the kind of tired where some days i'm not sure if i am going to make it home from work or the shop or wherever it is that i am without falling asleep and crashing my car and going out in a smashy-smashy blaze of jon bon jovi-esque glory).

she made me do one of those little circle the number tests to see if i am depressed 'cause there's no real medical reason for the sleepy sleepy. i answered to the best of my ability but there were some where i just selected the answer closest to the right one rather than write a brief summary of the truth which would probably make me look not so much depressed as fucking crazy.

(what do you mean young raspberry? well for example question 7) do you restrict your eating in order to lose weight? answer) yes sometimes, but more often i get so anxious about the food i *have* eaten that i vomit the contents of my stomach and so feel better and don't need to diet. or, perhaps, question 9)do you have less interest in sex than you used to? answer) yes kind of really it's more like i want to go out and fuck random anonymous men who will only treat me like shit in order to justify my own sense of self loathing. that's pretty normal, isn't it? thought so)

she feels that i am, indeed, depressed - perhaps even *very* depressed. she recommends getting a sad light and exercising for 45 min a day five days a week.

i'll get right on that.

well, after i drink myself into a stupor, of course.