open apology

this is an open apology to those people in my life who i tend to shut out when i'm going through a bad patch. you know who you are...

just cause i am hiding or pretending like stuff's ok doesn't mean i don't love you or want you in my life. it just means that i am going through shit and i don't know how to cope with it any other way except ignore it and everyone and hope that it goes away. i refuse to talk about it, and the only way around it is to get in my face and find me at my most vulnerable and that is not easy. you could ask stacylicious how long it takes to get me to unturtle and to stop running, but she's not here right now, she's far away. and no,i'm not going to call her.

yes i am hiding. yes my life sucks right now. no i won't open up. no i can't talk about it. yes trying to make me might make me run away farther and faster. HOWEVER i do love to know that you are there, and i do KNOW you are there. and that means everything in the world to me, believe it or not.

so, thank you, and i am sorry for not being here, and not being the best friend i can be right now. it won't last, and raspberry sundae will be back up to her usual antics. that is a promise.