mardi, juin 13

i stick my fingers into my eyes

i'm in a funny headplace. i'm trying to force myself into transition i feel the need to enact a paradigm shift in my own existance. i'm making lists and lists and lists - things i have, things i no longer own but will need to buy, and, of all things, goals. in all this time i've never ever made a list of goals for myself - a list of goals in writing on a page with space to tick them off as they reach completion with space to stare at me accusingly as they remain unticked. i've given myself a hard deadline of september 15 to be on the move - this inbetween world of my current life grows cloying and i no longer can maintain my semi-conciousness. i need to be on my own.

i have stayed living in my current space because it's been easy, and 'cause my dad's been sick, and because i've been afraid - afraid to be by myself, here, in this city where it is so hard to make connections with people and so hard to be alone. but, when i stop and consider, i have made connections - i have met people, and now i want to bring them into my world instead of briefly dipping my toes into the pool of theirs.

you are all invited.