mercredi, octobre 18

you bring the discrepancies, i'll pour the drinks

two things have happened since i got home from work. not *directly to* me, but around me.

1) a good friend is splitting up with her husband. well, technically, he left her for someone else. they'd decided to try and co-parent. she found out today that, because she makes more money than he does, she has to pay *him* child support because he has their son half the time. he left her for someone else, and she has to give him money. fuck.

2) i was poking through my blogroll and hit one of mike's links - the one for his travel blog. i guess the girl he *hasn't* been dating is going to antarctica with him. he hasn't contacted me in weeks. i tried to keep up with him via emails etc, but he has initiated nothing. the last time i heard from him was when i invited him for a port and chocolate night, and he sent me a one sentence response saying he was busy. i guess three years of my friendship can be dismissed in a sentence. cool.

these two things are kinda swirling around in my head tonight, along with my freakout over the architect. it's making me want to throw myself into something - into a beat into a bottle into some pills. i have that tight feeling in my arms... as if someone is holding me down, stopping me from moving forward. the panic is bubbling up in my belly climbing up up up past my heart, into my throat, mouth getting dry eyes starting to water skin of my skull getting tight. i need to explode burst free from my corpse and leave it all behind me.