vendredi, janvier 25

bang your head

you know there are very definitely days where i wake up and think to myself this isn't going to work. i wake up make sure i wake up so i can say goodbye and instead get an itemized list of the shit you need me to do today take out the recycling take pictures of the stuff to sell on craigslist yeah i know i'm sitting here beside you but please jump up from what you're doing and go measure the table oh and i'm going to conduct this phone call and turn down the program you are watching 'cause well it's work so it's clearly more important than you.

yeah i know i sound like i'm whinging and i am but when i say i've spent the last two mornings reading through all of the bullshit on fucking visa applications and i can't see the difference between these two options telling me to go back and look more isn't going to make me happy. i'm not stupid i've searched and searched and really can't see how one is significantly better or worse than the other.

pulling the bullshit guilt trip about how you're doing the extra work and putting in the extra hours so we can afford *my* visa 'cause it's *me* who needs it after all is just going to make me less happy.

makes me want to say fuck it i'll borrow the money off my folks and go home where i *can* work and fuck it if it's just me who wants this needs this.

fuck it 'cause i don't need the bullshit and for all your big talk about how i'm contributing and the stuff i'm doing is important like finding the apartment finding all the furniture doing all the cooking all the cleaning except the dishes and the garbage (oh wait i am doing the garbage and the recycling) fuck it 'cause when you say bullshit stuff like that it shows me what you really think.