vendredi, janvier 11

the weight upon your kiss; ambiguous

i've been reading a lot lately. like a*lot*. i'm not back to where i was the summer i went a little crazy, where i was afraid to talk to people and never left my apartment unless i was on my way to the wendys drive through for a baked potato and a green salad or down to value village for more paperbacks. those days i was reading at least one, sometimes two, sometimes (on the really bad days) three a day. it was the only way i could escape, you see, escape the voices in my head - i put other peoples' words in their mouths and kept them full of thought other than those which were coming to me uninvited.

i have, however, been reading a lot. this depression thing gets the better of me, sometimes, especially when i've not been so good with my meds, and when there is stress in the air. even the sunshine can't shake it off, some days, and today is one of those days. it's not as bad as it used to be.... i could make polite conversation with the guy at the corner liquor store, but i had to go there instead of the supermarket when i took a fancy for a tuna sandwich at lunchtime. i'm comfortable with him, you see, and i don't know the people at henry's.

so on these kinds of days i sit out on the steps in the front and read my book, hoping that none of the neighbours looks up and sees me, nibbling my sandwich, sipping my gingerale, and reading my book. i just want to sit here and watch, and pet the cat beside me on his harness, and read and, most of all, drown out the voices in my head.