samedi, mai 22

rainy saturdae

i was going to get up and go for a run in the rain... but after last night's dairy product debacle, i woke up with a seriously grumbly belly, and had my maple walnut bagel and very large cup of coffee half-consumed by the time i remembered my plan. ah well, maybe later. i don't think the rain is going to stop any time soon.

what shall i do today? mike b is still in whistler, so no brunch plans are panning out. maybe i could go down to main street and hit front & company.. i'm feeling a little out of sorts, though. part of it is my little internal dilemma that i still can't write about cause i'm still trying to sort out.. the other part of it is how much i miss mike b, and what that, ultimately, means.

mr married posed a situation to me the other day... a really interesting one that has been tossing around in my head with all the other stuff. what is going to happen to the friendship i have with mike when he gets into a serious relationship? i know that he's not ready for one yet, but last week's conversation hell was a sort of scary precursor - i know that our friendship is totally solid enough to deal with judge jody (sorry mike, i couldn't resist), but what happens if it comes to a point where mike has to choose between the woman he loves and me? how scary is that? i know we can all say that friends are important and that good relationships allow space for all kinds of friendships, but lets be serious for a minute - most of my guy friends' girlfriends dislike me. i'm cute, i'm a flirt, and i think like a guy. and what girl is going to want her man to have a *best* friend who is a girl? most women are territorial.

and, honestly, mike b is a catch. he's handsome, is super nice, has great values, a good job (are you listening, girls?). he's gonna meet someone amazing, fall in love, get married, and give his parents a few grandkids to lug around. where do i fit into that situation?

why the hell am i thinking about all of this today? i guess more and more i don't see myself fitting into that place with anyone, lately. and it's rainy, and i've been introspective, and i'm feeling a little lonely. ah fuck it. i'm going to shower and go shopping.