sick sick sick don't resist

there's me & the architect on saturday night. clearly (thanks to the non-bleary gazes and general lack of slobbering) it was early in the evening. things sort of went downhill from there.
not that this is a bad thing, by any means - we all needed a night out, since its been way too long, and an extremely good time was had by all.

today, on the other hand, i am dealing with the lingering remains of a migraine, slept all morning, and just yakked up my lunch. good times.

we've more or less decided that the right thing for us to do is move to san diego. career wise, the architect is stagnating here, and he has a great deal more earning potential than i do. not to mention the fact that i am not necessarily all that emotionally invested in what i do - while i do work with some great people, the shit the management has put the staff through in the last year (it can only be assumed that they were purposely driving the value and moral of the company down as a way to price it for an easy sale. i have even speculated that the constant restructuring, layoffs and everything else were part of a plan set up with the purchasing company a year ago when they first entered talks. the massive 'retainment' bonuses gifted out to the ceo et all would surely indicate something not quite above board, and also ensure that we will be working with the same underhanded ethics) make me less than set upon staying. so.... easy move for me to make, workwise, harder to make personally. my friends, the folks, the sister, the kiddo.... all so hard to leave behind. and even with spo's excellent advice i am faced with a great deal of trepidation about starting over again.

if i were in family guy i'd be brian

intelligent, sophisticated, slightly alcoholic.

man what a weekend. i feel as though summer has officially kicked off - dinner and drinks on a sunny friday night patio (our local - a restaurant with a pub "feel" so that the kiddo can come too), brunch saturday at provence followed by some sunny wandering in kits, clubbing with the sister, the architect, the divine ms u, our new downstairs neighbour and six more of our friends saturday night, then a morning of recovery, coffee and fresh strawberries on the sundeck, followed by the ladner annual salmon bbq in the park for dinner. there was a laid back, relaxed feel of who cares if we get the chores done (even though we did actually get through most of them) that really should accompany every weekend.

random facts -

• i painted my toenails bright iridescent pink
• i'm going to make pasta for dinner tonight, and drink red wine
• i'm wearing undies with skulls all over them
• my boss bought me a hat
• i really want to go shoe shopping
• scratch that - i really want to go shopping
• i wish i were still in bed
• secretly i think that i make better bbq'd salmon than i had last night
• that makes me worry that i'm kinda vain
• i'd gladly spend all of my money on groceries, now that i have an appreciative dining audience
• er... that's it for now

jam another dragon down the hole

i'm having a bad depression day of undetermined origins - the kind that is very hard to explain to the architect, because there is no real reason, and there is really nothing you can do to fix it. you can just sit back and try to ride it out without annihilating yourself en route.

this, shall we say mood is being aggravated by the kids playing on the street outside. they're doing kid stuff - yelling, riding bikes, banging on parked cars with hockey sticks, but the cacophony MAKES ME WANT TO RISE UP WITH A FLAME THROWER AND NAPALM THEIR SKINNY PREPUBESCENT ASSES THEN FEED THEM TO HOMELESS PEOPLE ACCOMPANIED BY A GLASS OF MERLOT AND A NICE CRANBERRY CHUTNEY.

i'm fine, really i am.

baby went to amsterdam

so do you think that amy winehouse will dedicate 'rehab' to lindsay lohan when she performs at the mtv movie awards? i'm not sure why this is interesting to me - it's just the thought i had when i heard the promo on the radio this am.

oh the police were fucking incredible, by the way. if you can, move some mountains to get tickets. 3 guys, only one guitar change (that i noticed) playing for over 2 hours solid.

heh. whoops - got distracted there.

anyhoo, the police rocked, i'm exhausted, and all i can think about is what some cracked out british laddette will be lipsynching on television. good times...

logic so inflexible

so today's the big day - the culmination of a lifetime of police fan-dom. i was too young to go see them 'back in the day' - this is the only opportunity i've ever had and i'm pretty frickin excited, let me tell you.

write every day... yes that's the way it has to be.

well put it this way - if we do end up moving to san dee-ahhhgo, i'll be unemployed so it'll be you and me my friends,

you

and

me.

whether you like it or not.

i'm kind of free-form thinking today. i forgot to take my meds all weekend so i'm a touch ... shall we say ... off this morning. i did have a decent weekend, though - drank WAY too much wine, especially friday. we had one of those accidental getting loaded while playing dominoes, though. i think we broke our new downstairs neighbour. she disappeared after taking a hit off a bong with the kiddo and we didn't see her again all weekend.

hehehe whoops.

talkin only me and you talkin only me and you

so we have a new downstairs neighbour (who, by the way, is from PRINCE GEORGE - how is it that we find each other?). she's pretty cool - came up for drinks on her first night, is pretty young but not too young... anyhoo. her long-term boyfriend moved to MALTA yesterday. she's pretty broken up about the whole thing (understandably). she popped up to say hi yesterday and i ended up feeding her a glass of wine and chatting for a couple of hours.

i don't know that i'm very good with the whole 'being a supportive female friend' thing. i think it's because talking about my own emotions/feelings makes me uncomfortable - i really don't mind it when people come to me to talk and i will always listen, i'm just not sure if what i'm saying or doing is the right thing, you know? so i get fidgety and second guess myself and play with my hair and twist myself into cross-legged knots and pour red wine on the problem 'cause let's not kid if red wine can't cure it nothing can.

tap tap - is this thing on?

*ahem*. yes, it's true, i've returned from san diego about 3 elle-bees heavier and slightly more tanned.

i'm almost 65% positive we are moving there in the fall. how do i feel about this? well i have mixed feelings - real excitement and very strong apprehension. i love the idea of a new place, new adventures, sunshine most of the year. i'm worried about making all new friends, missing my family (esp. the kiddo and the sister) and not being able to get a job. does anyone know anything (ie you, spo) about packing up and moving to another country, how to do it, advice to share etc?

i have a bunch of photos to upload, and a whole pile of laundry to do and some stories to tell (i saw a decapitated deer! visited a town called weed!) and i'll get to them over the next little bit, i promise. right now, though, i need to wander through my house and become reacquainted with my possessions, do some grocery shopping, and make my cat feel as though we don't hate him.

xo

don't love me discontent

the sister is text messaging me from the airport where she is currently awaiting a flight to vegas. she's headed down for a wedding and the weekend, and is suitably excited. we had to go shopping last night for a dress - i dragged her into banana republic, made her try on a dress about $100 more than she wanted and then pretended to listen while she talked herself out of it, knowing it was perfect and she wouldn't find anything else nicer.

she bought it, of course.

i then tried to get her to buy a necklace made up of three strands of large aqua coloured jade beads but at that point she proclaimed me the devil, made the sign of the cross and fled across the mall.

i'm very good at spending other people's money, you see. well and my own, let's not kid, i just can't spend anything right now 'cause i'm leaving for san diaaahhhgo (lalala holiday lalala!) on saturday.

mind you, i did buy the kiddo a digital camera and a 4gig memory card as an early grad present - he's headed up to kelowna to be the girl's date - but that was kind of necessary, don't you think? nice camera - much nicer than mine, i have to admit. ah well it's worth it, i figure, since a few years ago he seemed hell bent on self destruction, whereas right now self immolation is just another career option.

etymology and other road trip topics

so we've sort of vaguely started planning our roadtrip. the fact that we've just started is purely a testament to how busy-slash-stressed out i've been at work these past couple of weeks, because usually, with only five days left before departure i'd have the roadmaps memorized and a timetable laid out to the second.

hey - i never said i wasn't obsessive compulsive and/or a touch anal retentive.

like you're surprised.

anyhoo - i've only vaguely started to plan. like, i know that we are going to try to leave at 4am-ish on saturday and go as far as we can before the architect starts to fall asleep at the wheel, but other than that i have no idea. i *do* know that there are some very definate things i'd like to do en route - the whole point of driving down is so i can see a bit of the countryside. we figure we'll check out the california coast on this trip, and then do the oregon coast later on in the summer.

in other worlds, my mama is hooked on that show 'are you smarter than a fifth grader' and she keeps trying to catch us with questions she has gotten wrong. this is a source of constant amusement to us, because she tends to ask fairly easy questions. don't get me wrong - she's no dumb lady - this is just stuff she hasn't thought about since, well, probably since she was in fifth grade. case in point: last night at dinner she turned to me and asked "do polar bears eat penguins?" to which i replied "pffft no - there are no penguins at the north pole" she was heartbroken.

which is interesting, because you'd think she'd be delighted that her very well educated eldest daughter would be smarter than a fifth grader.

apparently not.

Elliot Gould's Golden Hammer Of Midnight

(disclaimer - uh.... i have a head full of random thoughts today, so i apologize for the incoherent nature of this post.)

1) i've somehow hurt my neck - it feels like i've got a sore throat but on the back of my neck, and i can barely turn my head. this bodes poorly for tonight's dodgeballs of doom extravaganza.

2) i wake up in the morning more tired than i was when i went to sleep the night before. is it my bed? is it the wine? is it my deep-rooted disinclination to go to work?

3) i heard on the radio today that some company has published their estimation of what a stay at home parent would be earning for performing the duties they do. it's up to around $130,000 or something stupid. i'd like to say fuck that shit. as a non-stay-at-home mom, i do as much work inside the house as those who don't work, *and* i'm out of the house between 6.30 (when i leave in the morning) to 4.15 (when i get back home - *if* i come straight home and don't stop on the way to grocery shop, pick up drycleaning, run errands etc). so, technically, when i'm mopping the kitchen floor -slash- cutting the grass -slash- cleaning the oven -slash- scrubbing toilets -slash- baking cookies i'm working overtime so i should be getting AT LEAST time and a half. so there.

4) my cat's preferred method of waking me up in the morning involves jumping up onto my bedside table as soon as the alarm goes off. if i don't throw back the blankets and put my feet to the floor immediately, he will stare at me for about 5 minutes, and then proceed to start knocking things OFF said bedside table onto the floor. this morning he jettisoned my glasses, a small balled-up piece of paper, and the remote control for my laptop before i conceded and made my way to the kitchen to fill his breakfast bowl.

i'm half the man i used to be

there is not enough coffee in the world to keep me awake today - just so y'all know.

when i stepped outside this morning the air reminded me of ireland... something to do with the smell and texture as i breathed it in brought me back in years and miles to a place that may or may not exist only in my memory. i have no definite recollection, just a sense of having been there before.

maybe i do just need a vacation - i need to be shaken up from my routine, released from my day to day lethargy. i need to see new things meet new people walk on different streets with wide awake eyes.

maybe i need something more - maybe i need to walk away from everything leave everything behind start fresh build it all up again. maybe i need to pack one bag put down my phone walk out the the highway and see where i end up put down roots in land that doesn't turn to water six inches below the surface.

maybe i just need a vacation.

my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark

blah blah blah it's monday and i'm having one of those days where i am not sure i can go on.

go on doing what?

i don't even know i'm just overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness and apathy. this is strange 'cause it's sunny out and usually when the weather's sunny so's my disposition but not now not today not this very moment.

did you know that china puts melamine in pet food quite regularly? i guess manufacturers purchase it because it increases nitrogen levels in food, which mimic a higher level of protein without actually impacting the nutritional value.

oh and the canadian government apparently had intelligence that warned them about the air india bombing before it happened.

oh and the canucks lost last night.

oh and

oh and

oh and

meta-free-phor-all

oh my god i laugh in your general direction, stephen colbert...

hello robin sparkles? now *this* is ironic

snoop dogg has been denied entrance to australia because of his criminal record.

heh. irony at its finest.

you know, 'cause it was a penal colony and all.

heh. anyway.

dodgeball rocked last night - a veritable barrel of laughs. both the kiddo and the architect were on fire, and i played well myself, if i do say so.. er.. myself. it's funny how team spirit really affects you - the more fun that people are having, the more fun you have. it really is contagious. not to mention the fact that the stupider and clumsier i am, the more people laugh at me, and the better time they have. so, really, i'm not a shitty dodgeball player, i'm on a one-woman mission to make sure that everyone around me laughs all night long. yeah, that's it.

ahem.

carry on....

what's that dido song about the bad day? yeah that's me

so between the architect and the cat, who were both completely buh-jiggity all night, i got little to no sleep. but... still had to go to work, so suck it up and start getting ready. as i spritz body spray into the air, i let go a big sneeze, so inhale a mouthful. hack, hack, wheeze, gasp... on my way out the door i grab an orange for breakfast and shove it in my bag. traffic was average, but i missed 'stump the show' on the fox (always a giggle). get in this morning, pour myself a cup of coffee, and notice that i've *not* noticed that there was 2 inches of water left in the bottom of my cup from yesterday. fuck. oh well too lazy to go to the kitchen so weak coffee. pull my orange out of the bag, peel away, take a bite and - what's this? it's old, dry, and bitter. fun. have to go to the kitchen now *any*way to make toast. toaster is acting up so i get mostly warmed over dry bread. take a bite and choke.

le sigh.

if you ever have to knock on wood

so between 5.30 and 6am this morning they played two rancid songs. ok one of them was that faux rancid song snippetted above, but the other was timebomb which is guaranteed to get my booty shaking in the shower, let me tell you.

ok ok canucks, stars, i told you so they won let's move on. nobody likes that guy so i'll leave it at that. i'll give you my prediction on the next series when it starts. in all honesty, i spent half of that game with my eyes covered and a giant knot in the pit of my belly - if it weren't for bobby lu we would have lost for sure. hell - let's not kid. if it weren't for him we wouldn't have been there in the first place.

have i mentioned my pending holly-day? the architect and i are driving to san diego for a week. i'm rather excited, especially considering the fact that i get a paycheque whilst there. much more fun to be somewhere and actually have some extra cashflow. fun treats for me, fun treats for the architect, fun treats for the sister... i heart shopping. i heart lying on the beach more, but i do heart shopping.

canucks 4, dallas 1

told ya so.

seriously

someone found this blog by googling 'dave grohl's tongue'. if i had dave grohl's tongue do you think i'd be wasting my time writing this? heck no, i say heck no. i'd be lying back in a patch of sunshine, sipping a cocktail and enjoying all the pleasures that dave grohl's tongue has to offer.

and i'd definately take pictures of *that*.

got canned heat in my heels tonight bay-bee

so i dunno about *your* part of the lower mainland, but in my little section of the world yesterday was gloriously sunny all day. i walked to the market, walked back hobbling under the weight of too many groceries (what is it about sunny days that makes me spend too much money on food?), then lounged in the sunshine with a good book before bbq'ing steaks for deener.

lalala what else did i do with my weekend? hmmm well we helped the sister get the rest of her stuff out of her condo (it finally sold, the lucky financially solvent bitch), set up the bbq and deck chairs, oooo i know - we went to see the giants play on friday. it was nice to see at least 1 of vancouver's hockey teams show up and play the game. not naming any names of any other teams (ahem, rhymes with sucks) of course.

mind you, i guess i did predict a win in seven, didn't i?

pop culture ponderings for monday:
1) tim armstrong's new song is (dare i say it) not good. there - i said it. it's done.
2) go read this. funny shit man, funny shit.

tales from another broken

ok so yesterday i went to the army&navy shoe sale. for those of you who don't live in vancouver, this sale is one of the highlights of the gvrd shopping year. it's seriously legendary. anyhoo - this was the second year in a row where i haven't bought anything. it's sad but true. now, i did find a pair that i loved - saddle brown bcbg heels with a slightly rounded toe, 3-inch railroad spike style heels - but they didn't have my size. it may be worth a second trip maybe tomorrow to take another looky-loo, but then maybe not. le sigh.

the architect had the audacity to suggest that maybe i'm not interested in shoes anymore. can you imagine the cheek? sheesh. just 'cause a girl's had a couple of off visits to the shoe store....

i should go out today and buy four new pairs. that'll learn'im.


edit - red house blues by jimi hendrix is on innerweb radio and it is so perfect so perfect for my mood i can't even tell you. it's a slow sleepy friday morning full of sunshine and anticipation for the weekend: hockey game tonight lazy saturday maybe plant some flowers in the pots on my deck definately drink some wine... oh they're following it up with stevie ray life is so good

here lies janey purplepants

so j-mo is shutting down his blog. i'll be more than sad to see him go - for a while he seemed to be my male counterpart. of course, lately, we've wandered our separate ways - kind of like a fuck buddy who you spend lots of time with before drifting apart. it makes me a little sad inside, but it's the way of it, i guess. i find that even i have trouble coming up with stuff to talk about every day (as you may have noticed) and my dull content is starting to show - fewer comments, reduced hits. this makes me sad because i do really enjoy the back and forth give and take aspects of my little bloggity, but i just don't have the time to devote to it that i used to.

plus, and i am a bit ashamed to admit this, but i have completely tempered the way i write out of respect for the architect. not that he cares whether i put up half naked pictures of myself, but i figure it's only a matter of time before some if *his* friends who blog stumble upon this one and i'd hate for him to be embarrassed in any way because of it, you know? so is it even my blog anymore? can i find away to bring it back to being my own space, or is there another path i should follow - here or somewhere else?

i was catching up on my blog reading yesterday and caught ct overdrive's post from saturday about the decline of blogging and the rise of facebook and its ilk. blogging has peaked, he says, and for people who don't have the time or inclination to come up with decent content, facebook is a great place to post pictures of yourself and your friends getting tanked of a weekend, or pass quick notes back and forth, or whatever.

i don't want my journal to become another facebook. i don't want this to be a place where i come and spatter half thought out ideas and non sequiturs. i'm just not sure how to get it back to where i want it to be. maybe i'm too far gone. i need some help - what can i do?

there and back again

ok so on saturday we took an impromptu roadtrip to penticton for the festofales - a two day long beer festival. think lots of drunk early twentisomethings and late teensomethings mixed with drunk older biker style folk come down from god knows where - had we been in the gvrd i would have assumed surrey or chilliwack. interesting people watching, let me tell you.

anyhoo, spent the night in k-town, cruised some wineries on sunday and headed back last night. not bad for a weekend, especially since the sun stayed out the entire time.

so anyway we were listening to the game on the radio - we missed most of the first period 'cause (sadly) we don't have satellite radio, but caught the second and were at home in time to watch the third. i swear to god that, listening to the radio, you would have thought the only canuck on the ice was luongo. it was really, really sad. fortunately the rest of the team showed up in time for the third and they managed to squeak out a win. i don't know kids - unless they pick up the pace they ain't gonna make it much beyond the first round.

at least minnesota is nearly down for the count...

the mozzarella stick before the chicken fettucini, girl

i have no idea how to spell fettuccine. next.

so i've succumbed to the three or four manymany friend requests i've had to join facebook. i mean, there was such a deluge of invitations how could i possibly resist? seriously. anyhoo, i'm trying it on for size. i couldn't really get into myspace, for some reason, i was all about the blogger and it just seemed like an iffy substitute, but facebook - now this is networking! getting in touch with highschool friends and confidantes! people who i couldn't stand for years are now able to get in touch with me and say hello through the wonders of the internet, rather than just grab my tits (the guys) or call me a slut (the girls after the guys had grabbed my tits) in the hall! i'm so excited.

anyhoo, yeah. i joined but it's under my real name. shoot me an email if you have also given in to the latest social scourge and i'll send you a friend request.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

ok on to hockey. did anyone see the game (and when i say The Game i naturally refer to any game in which the canucks were playing) last night? bobby lu stopped something like 72 shots on net in what ended up being the 6th longest game in nhl history. i will admit to dozing through most of the overtime periods, waking up when the architect was especially vocal beside me, so i did get to see the winning goal. yay me.

i predict vancouver in seven.

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

RIP kurt vonnegut

will wonders never cease

when i arrived at work this morning for the first time in 5 days, there was still candy left in my easter basket. now, if i were still sitting in the 'office' area and not in production, this would absosmurfley not be the case.

in other worlds, i apologize for not being around all weekend however i had to jet down to the bahamas in order to be on the front lines for the anna nicole baby daddy decision. i was in the running, of course, to be the father of the child. you cannot imagine my disappointment. i'm crushed - believe me. i may never recover. i imagine you all feel the same way, since, let's not kid, we *all* had as much likelihood of being the sperm donor as ZsaZsa's husband, or even the creepy lawyer guy.

i have no idea why i'm thinking about this.

oompa paloompa paloompa pa mau mau

how is it that i've never listened to architecture in helsinki before? i just didn't *know*. so light, so ethereal, so perfect for my present mood of anticipating 22degrees and sunshine on my front deck wearing shorts and a tank top. yes please.

i do need to get some groceries, and a couple of things for the architect and the kiddo for easter, but other than that i have no real plans for the next five days and i heart that a great deal. well except for watching my man gsp kick some ass in the ufc tomorrow. other than that, nada mes amis, nada.

so i played dodgeball again last night - we joined a league and last night took the kiddo with us. he's quite hooked as well. last week was less fun - it seemed like everyone was taking it way too seriously and i'm not nearly competitive enough for that crapola. last night, however, was seriously fun and i laughed my but off all evening.

can we revisit the fact that there are people who take dodgeball seriously? sort of invokes ben stiller in spandex, no? uh huh - ponder that for a mo.

anyhoo, i'm off to read my book. what other bands haven't i heard of?

treading trodden trails for a long, long time

so last week on FOF (fuck off friday) i discovered cracked. ok i may be the last one on the boat but i spent a very enjoyable day wasting time laughing away quietly in my little corner of the office. i turned it into one of my tabs and, this morning, flipped over to read this and had to wipe the tears from my eyes:

This is everything that's wrong with the modern media in one convenient image, for the busy modern person who needs to lose faith in humanity 'on the go'. A website dedicated to the commercials which prevent you from watching the programs on television. This is why technology hasn't done all the things it promised to, like curing cancer or constructing Killbots programmed to travel back in time and kill Steve Martin sometime after Dirty Rotten Scoundrels but before Bringing Down the House. A site dedicated to the very best in ads is like a drink brewed for the very finest of hangovers— they're focusing on a horrible unwanted side-effect and a head-injury inspired decision somewhere has somehow made it the point.

Worse, they're targeting the most annoying demographic on the planet: the "I only watch it for the ads" vacuum-headed smirkers. This is a public service announcement: SAYING YOU DO NOT LIKE SOMETHING POPULAR DOES NOT MAKE YOU INDIVIDUAL AND EDGY. It makes you dumbass— at least the unoriginal hooting herd enjoy the damn game. You're being equally unoriginal, dumber, and deliberately spending time to point out how you don't like it. Do you think a monkey that repeatedly eats stones and complains about it is the "cool, unique" monkey in among his friends? No, he's the stupid one even in a group whose main hobbies are masturbating in public and throwing shit at each other.

i had a long-running argument with a friend all through university about populist media. he had very strong ideas on the nature of 'good' music and 'good' literature. he refused to believe you could find quality or engage in active critical reading of most things present in pop culture: action movies, pop music or metal, mystery novels etc. as an aside, i wonder how he'd feel about the current popularity of the new modest mouse single? actually scratch that - he'd just say they'd sold out.*

i'm of the opinion that you can read a harlequin romance actively - approach it critically and pay attention to what is going on and what it says about society - and get more out of it than if you read, say, david foster wallace or vikram seth, or even shakespeare the way that most people read it. oprah's book club is great but if the people reading the texts don't participate in the dialogue the author is constructing between the novel and the world then they may as well be staring at a blank wall for all they are getting out of it.

furthermore, setting yourself *apart* from the mainstream by refusing to admit that you like the things that the mainstream embraces doesn't make you special, or better - it just makes you as closed-minded as a fundamentalist preacher running for senate and about as interesting. don't get me wrong - i agree that people have individual tastes and some people *don't* like popular music or movies or literature or whatever but, as someone who spent a long time in the academic world and so is rather familiar with elitist pomposity, i think that people who summarily reject *ALL* popular media are as shallow intellectually as the common masses.

i admit it - i have advanced education in literature and media and i love mystery novels. i like watching tv now and again, and love to watch hockey. i love to listen to the radio and i get really excited when a band i like becomes popular (though i'm always sad when i can't see the bands in small clubs anymore, and have to go to cavernous hockey arenas). there - i've said it. i dig pop culture. come on - say it with me. it's kinda liberating.




* saying a formerly 'alternative' or unknown band has sold out because they've achieved some level of mainstream success is a sure-fire way to throw me off on a fiery tangent of venom and proselytizing. they didn't sell out. it's the nature of the parent culture to absorb a subculture and adopt its tastes and characteristics - this is how fashion changes and evolves.

cast off the crutch that kills the pain

ok so i want to know what weather report jeff o'neil reads 'cause when i got up this morning he was talking about how it's going to be sunny and 18 on friday, but everything i've read says rain. i don't want rain on the long weekend - i want sunshine and happiness and to be able to stretch out on the lawn and read a book and warm my belly like a lizard on the rocks.

next question: crap, i know i had one. man this is like when you go sit on santa's knee and he asks you what you want for christmas, but you totally freeze up and can only spit out socks and underwear when really what you want is a Red Ryder Ranger Model Air Rifle. who the fuck really wants socks and underwear for christmas? (well me sometimes but really am i seriously going to tell santa that? i don't think so.)

so what's up - any plans for easter weekend? we had thought about heading down to oregon, but have decided to stay home and be lazy instead. this home maintenance thing sucks - i hate having to run around all weekend doing errands and cleaning and mowing lawns and and and. i just want to lie about, preferably in the sun (yes, yes i said that, i know), and do nothing really. well maybe have brunch somewhere downtown or something like that but really nothing too high pressure or requiring any energy whatsoever. what i really need is a manservant. any applicants?

oh and ps - guess who got a white blackberry pearl to play with? i love technology....

renegades are the people

more from the wild world of violence in sports: professional team play has been suspended for two weeks in greece after violence broke out between fans at a women's volleyball match and one person was killed.

ok ok you say that cricket inspires fierce loyalty and passion, but women's volleyball??? seriously.

it's not easy being green

so the first thing i did this morning was watch kermit the frog perform 'hurt'. i've gotta say - watching kermie do the h-twitch is more than a little disconcerting to someone who grew up watching the muppets. it's really not right. ergo, i refuse to link to it. however, if you don't believe me it's readily available on youtube or from your usual sources.

ok it wasn't really the *first* thing - i also got up showered got dressed ate toast drank coffee and came to work, not necessarily in that order. it was, though, perhaps the first sentient thing i did this morning.

that's a little scary, since chronologically watching hurt comes well *after* driving the 30 or so KM to the office.

i don't think i have any long hair pictures of myself on this computer (being chuck, the work laptop) that don't show me sporting a hat or an updo or something which would prevent anyone from making an educated 'cut or no cut' decision. well aside from my pervy little brother who has definite feelings on the matter.

oy i'm so sleepy i can barely keep my eyes open for some reason this morning. i'd better be perking up 'cause i've got dodgeball this evening. i heart dodgeball, even though i'm not all that good. it sure is fun, though.

xo

running towards nothing again and again and again

so the sister popped by last night and we ended up drinking wine and playing dominoes. somewhere along the line i've become addicted to dominoes. the kiddo came in with a buddy last night and introduced us all with the descriptor "they're always sitting around getting drunk and playing dominoes".

hm.

i may have a problem.

mind you, i could be sitting around getting drunk watching american idol and dancing with the stars, then falling asleep on the couch with a lit cigarette and burning the house down. that would be worse, i think. especially since i don't smoke and hate reality tv. actually the sister made us put american idol on in the background after the hockey game was over. her awesomeness gwen stefani was doing something with the contestants and she wasn't all made up and she looked, well, awesome as usual. i have no idea what she was doing there, but still.

regardless of the presence of gwen, the show met all of my expectations on the suck factor. fortunately i was a bottle of wine in by the time it came on so i can't actually remember how bad it was, i just have a general impression of awful.

dancing with the stars i removed from my memory with a slotted spoon. messy, yes, but very effective.

i'm thinking of cutting my hair off. i'm tired of the long.

overwhelm, destroying so sweetly

do i look as though i'm up to something?
nah couldn't be.

i have been pondering career options over the weekend and i'm wondering whether or not i should take a few human resources courses (and not just 'cause that's fun to say). whilst surfing about i came across a scandinavian company that does workplace wellness coaching, but focuses on making workplaces fun. this makes a lot of sense to me since it is kind of part of my role at my current employment but maybe turning it into something a little more formalized would be a rewarding path to take.

ok part of me thinks like that - the other part wonders if it's just a post-tekboom gen x conceit to think that workplaces should be fun. it is work, after all.

but then why shouldn't they? we spend more time at work than anywhere else. or i do, anyway, despite my best efforts to avoid doing much more than my 8hour stint each day. le sigh. all i know is that what i'm doing now isn't the most satisfying occupation in the world and i need to find something that gives me more.

more of what, i'm not sure.

spo's right though - i need to do something more creative 'cause i feel as though i'm becoming a spreadsheet slave, a corporate drone. bleh. before you know it i'll be buying suits and wearing sensible beige nylons under my conservatively heeled pumps, instead of knee high 3inch black leather boots and sheer black stockings.

blah blah blah this post goes everywhere. i need to sort out my head.

knew its name since before i could speak

hello saturday domestic bliss or something like that.
home depot, bed bath & beyond, big day big day
except we don't have that boring bathroom superstore just faded proximations

it's noon i'm still in bed too small white tshirt hard nipples thinking about looking for porn and fucking myself but too fucking lazy to be bothered.

(the picture's old, yeah, but i like it so deal)

who knew

that cricket was so (pardon the expression) cutthroat? i mean, you expect violence in hockey, football (the real kind not the padded up na version), and other such contact sports, but cricket?

jamaican authorities are now saying that the coach of the pakistani team was actually strangled to death after a st patrick's day loss to ireland which eliminated the team from the championships.

of cricket.

you know - that genteel english sport where they roll a ball and bat it along the ground whilst clad in a uniform that rivals golf for geeky. his wife is quoted as indicating that she immediately suspected foul play: "I mean some of the cricketing fraternity, fans are extremely volatile and passionate about the game and what happens in the game, and also a lot of it in Asia, so I suppose there is always the possibility that it could be that (murder)"

which makes sense, of course, 'cause they're .. you know ... cricket fans.

i hear the lawn bowling world cup is off tha hook.

we've yet to crash but we still might as well enjoy it

ok so i'm still home in bed. the headache has retreated to a dull roar behind my right eye, and i'm not nearly as achy as i was yesterday. i should be right as rain by tomorrow.

since i've been lying here with little to no concentration ability, i've been leafing through the resume book the architect purchased me a few weeks ago. as my company has been so tumultuous of late, i really need to put together a decent resume. sadly, i've never really had to job hunt too aggressively. the job i currently have i wandered into accidentally - i was assigned to this company as a temp and they kept me on. before that i worked with the university where all hiring is done through an archaic web of nepotism and reputation. add this to the fact that, for the past 2.5 years, my job has consisted of 'other duties as required' and resume writing becomes a bit of a pickle. i'm the girl who does stuff. whenever anyone asks 'who does that' and no one really does, the answer is always 'raspberry'. if i don't know how, i figure it out. this is, i assume, a valuable quality in an employee. however, it doesn't translate well into a tangible, definable skilset. le sigh.

i think i should make an appointment with a recruiter or career counsellor and just sit down and go through it with them. add this to the fact that i don't really know *what* i want to do and you have a situation nearly guaranteed to drive someone (and when i say someone i really mean me) insane.

le sigh.

thoughts? suggestions? great job openings made just for me?

tilling my own grave

i've been in bed all day. i spent the night drenched in sweat, waking up every few minutes with a headache that was all encompassing yet oh-so-elusive. did it exist or is it just the next manifestation of my psychosis? am i sick or am i merely incapable of dealing with the outside world destined to become a shut in trapped in a prison of my own design?

i have no answers for you. how can you expect me to know what's going on? i can barely focus my eyes on the screen in front of me for long enough to tap out my cry for help. i find solace only in motion dream of running away running running down the road with the sunroof open leaving my life behind dropping off the map. do you think it is possible? do you want to come with me?

picture it - you and i dancing on a beach with everything we own shoved in a backpack a bottle of cheap red wine propped in the sand by the fire. we'll have to be drunk, of course, have to be drunk in order to deny the pathos of our situation no food no money no friends just the constant sound of the voices in my head chasing us further faster away.

bury me at sea where no murdered ghost can haunt me

yeah i dunno what i'm doing tonight so i thought i'd post this classic shot of ciavarro and i in the spirit of the day. well i know that we are going to some sustainable living thing at the convention centre, and are then going out to do something or another, and i hope to dog that there is a vera's burger in the mix (if i didn't know better the rabid cravings i've been having for a pilgrim burger would make me suspect bun in proverbial oven but that aint the fuck the case sir, no sir not a chance).

i imagine there will be drinking.

i hope there will be debauchery.

i know there will be drunken idiots to trip over.

i'm not sure whether i will be one of them or not.

i suspect i will.

anyhoo.

i've been lapse about the blog reading lately as well. like instead of doing my daily catchup, i've been going in once or twice a week and binge-reading. that can't be good for you, can it? like they say that if you have a glass bottle or two of wine a night, it's very good for you but saving your weekly allotment for saturday nights and hittin' it large is bad for the system. it must be the same with blogging, no? (she asks, hoping for a logical reason to read blogs at work every morning). uh huh that's what i thought.

(ps that's me lying in the sunshine in sd waiting for the architect to finish work. i could get used to being a stay-at-home sextoy, my friends, i could i could)

first things first

san deeahhgo was awesome. i'm ready to move - i'm a sunshine girl and i can't help but be happy when i know that the grey in the sky is just morning haze and by 10.30am the sky will be nothing but blue blue blue.

the architect, however, doesn't really want to move backwards in life so we are trying to find a compromise - either an in-home tanning bed or a bunch of weekend trips. maybe both.

i'll have some photos to put up later, when i'm at home, using my new macbook (Angus MacIntoy II - Son of Angus). *does dance of joy*

the arctic monkeys are coming through vancouver in a couple of months. i was stuck in a meeting yesterday so i couldn't get the presale tickets, unfortunately, but you betta believe i'll be doing the refreshrefresh boogie on saturday at 10am.

Baxter! Is that you? Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee!

guess who found the camera!
well the architect, technically, but still. same difference, right? there was huge drama in the house today - the architect was pissed off & the kid was partially to blame so there was door slamming and yelling and wall punching and it was not fun all over the place. i came and hid in the bedroom and tried my best to stay out of the way. they have similar tempers, those two. le sigh. i hate arguing.

we're off to san deeahhgo today. the weather is calling for it to be sunny and lovely and warm, which is well needed and much better than here where it is supposed to be raining and nasty and gross, though not that cold, apparently.

i shall be spending the next few days (while the architect works) sunning myself and shopping. i can think of worse ways to live.

off i go!

make a killing on the dancefloor

sometimes, on a monday morning, all you have to do to shake off your early morning blues is grab a timmy's coffee and shake your ass to a little mstrkrft.

it could have been, should have been

lessee what's in my mind this am.... the architect and i are going to san dee-ahhgo next week for a few days. he's got to do some site visits and put in some office time, and i need some days in the sun. i haven't checked the weather or anything yet, but as long as it isn't raining i'm going to be deeeelighted. i really have to see if i can find my camera. i will have two days to explore on my own so i need to take a bunch of pictures and post them here. i'm a bit reluctant, though, 'cause i've experienced that oh-so-common new relationship phenomenon of a few pounds gained. not that i'm an obese slob or anything - stuff's just starting to feel a bit snug. this worries me 'cause while i do enjoy the thought of a whole new wardrobe, i really do like my clothes.

plus its almost bikini season. must deal with this asap.

i'm feeling a bit better today - mentally & physically. i have mostly cleared my head of the haze and phlegm, and i had a really good chat with one of my coworkers yesterday. when i realized that he's pretty much in the same headspace i am, it really drove things home. sooooo i went out last night and got myself a book on resume writing, and one on how to pick a good career. at least it's a start, right?

ok off to work i go...

the same ol' decent lazy eye

i'm not sure if i am just burned out or if i have finally reached the end of my rope with my job. i've been here for 4.5 years and up until recently it used to be a joke (kind of) how things never changed, even though we always heard 'after we just do this one thing, everything will be different'. stuff's never different. you can move people to new positions that they have wanted for years but if you don't give them training to do their jobs and don't get anyone else to take over their old jobs, you are just keeping them in the same place with a new chair and a new title. it's like filling a faultline full of plaster - it might look like you've made a difference but two days later the crack's going to be open again.

here's something weird - i found myself thinking about boy australia all the way in to work this morning. does that ever happen to you? even though you are completely and utterly happy with your relationship, you find yourself caught up in nostalgia for someone else now and again?

ach this post is all over the place and i have no focus today. i'm frustrated with my job and myself. why am i incapable of just standing up and saying NO i will NOT take on these new responsibilities until you have someone else to take on my old ones? see the problem is that my colleagues here are just doing that, so if i don't keep on with my previous duties my poor boss (who's already overworked and trapped doing six other peoples' jobs) will just take them on and be stuck doing them, too. it's as though the management and my co-workers know this - know that i won't let her get into that position - so are counting on the fact that i'll just suck it up. i can't though - i just can't make myself care right now because everything that i've been promised has always been just so much lip service. the side effect of all of this is that i know feel as though i'm not capable of doing anything - i've lost faith in my abilities and have no real sense of what my skills are. my confidence levels are lost to inertia. i need some kind of career counselling, or something. i need to be exposed to an employer who is a good team leader, who supports their staff and offers training and encouragement. senior management here gives the impression that they are sitting back and waiting for you to screw up; waiting to be handed the excuse to lay you off. when they get it they do just that and, frankly, i'm not sure that wouldn't be a blessing at this point.

maybe that's why i am thinking about boy australia today - he packed everything up and moved to australia. he took his dream job and just... left. maybe subconsciously i'm trying to find inspiration in someone i knew only for a brief time because i have no mentor in my current life.

i'm leading man

first things first: kanye west has remixed fall out boy's arms race and it's r&b funny. i can hear the emo masses wailing in protest & throwing up their arms in teen angst misery all across the darkcloud nation.

secondly: on thursday night, wolfmother rocked my world, rolled me over, slapped me on the ass and rocked me again. seriously. i would have never belived that three people could fill a 75year old hockey cavern with a sound so full and rich - never. they did, though and it was incredible. the crowd, however, was a bit weird. they were all so... big, and i kept thinking of the rolling stones concert at altamont. there was this barely restrained sense of violence that kept me, the kiddo, the architect, and the sister grooving quietly to ourselves in the bleachers along the side of the stage. spanky, the fifth member of our party (taking the place of the sister's boyfriend, forevermore to be known as asstard) headed into the crowd. he accepted a joint from some folks around him and is half convinced it was full of pcp. he ended up getting collard by vancouver's finest (cough, cough ahem) and spending the night in jail. they took his shoes and refused to give them back before turning him out into the rain at 5am at the corner of main & cordova which, if you know vancouver, is not the best place to be regardless of footwear decisions.

thirdly: (and this is the second third time that i have written this because my beloved angus has caught wind that he is about to be replaced by Angus MacIntoy II - Son of Angus and is perturbed by this fact) the folks are coming for deener tomorrow night for the architect's family birthday dinner and i am going to make a vegan chocolate raspberry cake. he does not know this, but i figure that he probably won't even notice. plus, i'm going to make him roast beef in my slowcooker (it has to be in there for 22 hours), so if i'm cooking dead cow he can deal with vegan cake. so there. actually if the beef turns out (i figure that being in a slow cooker for 22 hours has to be a good thing - like melt in the mouth good) i may go pick up a buffalo roast and try the same thing during the week. i'm doing really well with this 'new recipe per week' resolution. i guess that the trick is finding something that isn't totally life changing, rather something that is within your interests and means to fulfill and you can stick to it fairly easily. plus i get to try out all sorts of new stuff on people, which is funfun.

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there's a hole in my bucket

in which case my bucket is actually my nose and what is running from that bucket is not water but something else. something much less pleasant than water, let me tell you.

last night my sinuses were so congested by the time i got home from work i popped a couple of tylenol multisymptom allergy pills at 6.30, was asleep by 7.10, woke up to drag myself to bed at 9, and didn't get up till this morning, at which point i still felt high.

yes high - not stoned or drugged up these things made me feel like i'd taken some e full of heroin. seriously. not sure that i enjoyed it. in fact, if i wasn't fairly well versed in various states of altered... er... states i probably would have been freaked out like nobody's business. thank god for illegal pharmaceuticals preparing you for the legal ones.

in other worlds, tomorrow is the architects birthday. i took the day off so that (assuming i feel better) i could take him on a bit of a day-trip type adventure. we are going to go across to bowen island and take the bikes for a spin around if it's nice enough or otherwise just poke around and have a bit of lunch. i think that's a fun day and he seems up for it. tame, yes, but we are going to wolfmother tomorrow night and out with a bunch of people on saturday so it all will come together nicely, i think. i still want to get him a bit of a giftie, but may head out at lunch to see what i can come up with.

there's a bat caught in my chest hair

so how much do monday mornings suck rocks? it's cold, rainy, i took my meds before i went to bed last night so my sleep sucked, the architect is padding about the warm house sporting sleepy eyes and comfy clothes and i'm here. at work. yay.
x`
so it's the architect's birthday on thursday. we're going to see wolfmother and (i think) to see kaskade over the weekend to celebrate, but i have no idea what to get him as a gift.

you see, he has *way* more disposable income than i do, so when he buys gifts he does things like ... oh for example... orders me a new macbook for valentine's day. (insert mad extremely excited giggling here). i, however, am on a major budget, so am not sure what i'll be doing. i know i'm making him a cake, but other than that..... dog only knows. a new hoody? i know he wants a sonicare toothbrush, but isn't that kind of practical gift boring, unromantic and... well... practical?

you gonna want me

crap what happened to yesterday's post?

oh wait, that's right, i didn't write it. heh. whoops slipsy. i got fun treats for valentines - fleurs, jewelry (wooden, not sparkly), kisses... i haven't had a *real* valentine in god knows how long. it was a neat little novelty, i must say.

the sister found out last night that her ex did, indeed, screw around while he was away this last time. she's raging furious and, i must say, i don't blame her - being stuck here waiting for someone while they are off having a great time and sleeping with other people is kind of like being kicked in the teeth.

i wish i could say that i am surprised, but honestly i'm not. at first when this all began, i really hoped it wasn't the case, but there have been a couple of things that have happened in the last week that have made me convinced. it's unfortunate, though, 'cause i did really like the guy. no i'm forced to roofie him, bind him with duct tape, drag him into the swamp and leave him for the gators. i'm going to need a dolly, though, 'cause otherwise i won't be able to move him at all. maybe if there were a few of us it'd be fine - volunteers?

no more subliminal shit

i am completely obsessed with mildly distracted by hitting 'refresh' on the police fanclub website just in case they release the presale passwords early....

happy v-d ... er, i mean...

that closet door in your bedroom leads to the gates of hell

fech i wish i could find my camera (she says, knowing that it's probably in one of the three boxes in her bedroom she's decided to ignore until it's time to move again). i feel as though le bloggity has become far too text heavy and is sorely lacking in hothot photographic goodness. my sincere apologies for that.

whatch y'all doing for valentine's day? i'm going to send the sister some flowers, i believe, since i can't imagine it will be a particularly festive corporate holiday for her.

nine to five living lies

i've had a stupid flu all weekend - i say stupid 'cause i feel like crap then i start feeling better so i rush rush rush out of the house to eck-scape the cabin fever and then feel like crap again. so today i'm home in bed and the architect has brought his computer upstairs and is drafting away, propped up against the blankets beside me. all in all not a bad situation.

i did get out of bed earlier to put stuff in the slowcooker, though, so i didn't have to worry about cooking dinner later. the sister is coming over, i think. her bf of 4 years split up with her on friday evening. nasty stuff - they own a condo together and he isn't really *from* here, so they have to get all of their affairs in order before he takes off to go back to scotland or back to sea or whatever. part of me feels bad for him 'cause he's quite broken up about it, but part of me deeply suspects that there has been some infidelity and a larger part of me wants to flambe his testes for making the sister unhappy. i'll attempt to supress that impulse. mind you, he did break up with her the week before valentine's and her birthday. hm. perhaps i'll keep the welding torch at the ready.

i'm a punkrocker yes i am

i totally have that iggy pop / teddybears song in my head. completely contagious. other music related ponderings - wtf is wendy's doing making blister in the sun the musical accompaniment to their baked potato commercial? yes i get it - baked in the sun, but come on now if people are freaking out 'cause prince went behind a screen at the superbowl and his guitar looked like a devil penis, how is it ok to use a song who's lyrics include 'and i'm so strung out... i'm high as a kite i just might stop to check you out' to sell potatoes with brocolli-cheese topping? (i'm a punkrocker yes i am...)

we are supposed to go to the juan maclean tomorrow night but i'm so veryvery tired today that the thought of it (even though it's a full 36hrs away) makes me cringe and want to put on my fuzzy jammies and read my book. le sigh.

ok off to work i go - they've locked the airconditioners so that a constant gale force of cold air blasts down on me all day. my poor little space heater is getting a workout, let me tell you...

i'm a walking disaster

update 1 - still allergic to beer (i assume, anyway. that's not an experience i'm willing to repeat anytime soon. i may attempt to have ONE on the weekend, just to see (and a different brand, for sure) but surely not four)
update 2 - architect is fine, and apologized for being moody. he's promised to try and talk about stuff before it becomes a giant THING. for my part, i'll... well i'll pretty much keep going on as i do but will keep a closer eye on the kiddo's housekeeping habits. thank you for all your words of support and advice. i'm not so good with this whole relationship thing. my last one (tnb aside - too casual for inclusion in this pondering) was a fucked up emotionally abusive trainwreck headed straight off the tracks into a burning pit of despair and demolition, and that ended over four years ago. it'll take me a while to feel my way around, i guess.

aside from this, i also make some kickass black bean chipotle turkey chile, for a white girl of irish descent. yum.

cast afloat

oh my god i've never been so happy to see the end of a weekend. like i was actually happy to leave the house this morning - not because i wanted to go to work, but because i just couldn't stand the thought of what might come next.

apparently i'm allergic to beer. i've been having some odd reactions to it, lately, and on friday night i drank 4 beer at the giants game, ended up staggering and slurring, puked the whole way home, and then every 20 min or so until 1pm the next day when i took gravol and went to sleep. good times.

sunday started out pleasantly enough, with shopping and brunch, but when we got home the kiddo had left dishes on the counter and the architect went off the hook about how the kiddo isn't expected to do anything 'round the house and how it's lazy and how he wasn't brought up that way and how he didn't understand how it was ok with me. this totally took me by surprise - the kiddo will do stuff if you ask him but he doesn't really go out of his way to help out any (he's a 17yr old. did you volunteer to clean at 17? yeah me either). i just really had no idea that it was an issue. the architect deals with stuff by suppressing it until it's too late and everything bubbles over. we argued until after midnight - it was awesome, let me tell you. i still don't know if we are good. we seemed to come to an impasse last night - i had spoken to the kiddo about it but that wasn't enough. there isn't really anything else i can do, save take over all of the cleaning on my own, but that isn't the answer either.

all of my doubts and insecurities have come flooding back. it seems to me that this sort of thing proves that i'm not cut out for happily ever after. i meet a great guy and i can't even keep that going - no matter what i do. i'm happily continuing on thinking that we have a good thing going when out of nowhere i'm blindsided by issues that i had no idea even existed. i don't know why i ever opened myself up like this. i should have stayed where i was - at least i knew where i stood.

ug.

i get by with a little help

ever have the desire to turn your friends' personal quirks into a drinking game? we used to do it with instructors all the time - i had one who discovered electronic music. every time he mentioned the crystal method or kraftwerk (or spoke german, for that matter) we all took a sip of whatever beverage we had in front of us. of course, the class was at 9am so it was usually coffee, but i will confess i did on occasion supplement the coffee with the baileys.

the architect and i want to do it with our little group of friends. for example, chlorina swears. lots. so every time she says fuck, you take a drink. her boyfriend says wow. lots. same deal. the architect has a bit of a stutter. when he stutters, you drink. me, i blush. i blush all the time, for reasons that you'd never expect. when i blush, everyone drinks.

now this game can, of course, be expanded depending on the group of people you are with. i'm excited about trying it out. it's a great way to laugh at yourself, and to break the ice when you are introducing new people to the group - you bring someone in, you let them know what their little quirk is, and everyone watches for it. fun!

anyhoo - give it a shot if you are out between now and saturday. let me know if it works.


--------------------
on the decks - in the mix by tiga & ajax

my life is a stereo

so on saturday night the architect, the sister and i watched an inconvenient truth - an eye-opening film at the very least. it's crazy to think how much damage we've done to our planet in just a few generations, no? there were only three countries that failed to ratify the Kyoto accord (australia, the us, and monaco) but the current canadian administration is hell-bent upon undoing any good that may have been accomplished by the liberal government - all the while blaming said 'previous administration' for every conceivable sin. budget overruns? their fault. government corruption and scandal? oh those dirty liberals. someone left the toilet seat up? damn you paul martin!

the stephen harper press conference in which he apologizes to Maher Arar on behalf of the canadian people is a chorus of 'not me' which puts the sounds coming from a schoolyard playground to shame. i kept looking over my shoulder to see who'd shaved the cat, broken a window or spilled the milk. his recent about-face when it comes to environmental issues (as per the CBC, recent polls indicate that the environment is tres chic in the cause du jour in the minds of most canadians. put a scoop of ice cream on top - voila! global warming solved) is (to my mind) further reason to trust this man about as much as i trust my own instincts when it comes to money, dating, and/or moderation in wine consumption). case in point - the liberal website has published a copy of a letter written by our fearless leader referring to 'the battle of Kyoto' and calling the now defunct ultra right wing canadian alliance party to arms to defend decent hardworking canadians from those shameless job-stealing hippies and crazy masked activists. i really wish there were some kind of idiot-proof iq test which we subjected people to before we allowed them to hold positions of power.

le sigh.

more reading: bush administration doctors reports; fallout from global warming expected to be 1000 years; the cbc on harper's letter

even if we're just dancing in the dark

it must be said that i make fucking awesome lasagna for a white girl of irish descent. that was my big deal of the weekend - spending half of saturday simmering meat sauce and putting together dinner. well that and riding around steveston on FJ (the cruiserbike i got for christmas) with the architect and the sister. the weather underground kept promising a sunny beautiful weekend but we've been socked in by grey for two days - the skies open up for an hour or two of sun each day before the fog descends. downfalls of living on the ocean, i guess. i really do need to see some sunshine, though. i had huge plans of sunnyday bicycle riding which have not particularly come to fruition. le sigh.

i wish i knew where my camera is - i imagine it's hiding in one of the four boxes still resting unpacked here in the bedroom. every day they stare accusingly at me and every day i ignore them completely. it's like not staring at the pink elephant in the room.

i'm updating my blogroll (spo has a new one) and my dancecard today. i'm having one of those days where i want to spend no time at all away from my computer because i feel as though i'm on the cusp of a breakthrough and i can only reach it by writing. sometimes it takes me putting fingertips to keyboard to be able to really work these things out, you know?

i do know that it has to do with me & the architect and the huge fight we had last week about the only thing that's ... off with us. it has to do with sex and i know you'd never expect that from me but lately all i've wanted to do is go to sleep and i'm not sure why. i think it has something to do with the weird labels in my head and how deep down even though i love sex and am proud of how sexy i am, in my head fucking the way i want to be fucked is dirty and isn't the way that good girls act. and here i am, now, being a good girl - faithful and happy and content and and and. who is this puritan in my head? who put these words these doubts in my soul and why doesn't she just want me to be happy? somebody tell the voices to
just
shut
up

patiently erasing and recording the wrong episodes

ok i know that those are probably not the real lyrics to the new modest mouse song, but dammit i heart that song and that's the way i hear them so screw y'all.

listening to modest mouse in the morning puts a smile on my face.

question - if you were paris hilton would you leave a whole whack of sextapes etc in storage and then fail to pay the bill?

nope, me either.

who are you to wave that finger

new years-ish resolutions:

1) write
2) every
3) day

seriously i'm getting ridiculous. i love writing - i do. but it's like any form of exercise. you have to do it every day for it to do you any good. and, also like any other form of exercise, sometimes you have to coax, cajole, and bully yourself into getting off yer ass and doing it. i really have no reason - my weekday evenings have settled into a nice comfortable routine of getting home from work, making out with the architect if the kiddo is out of the house, cooking dinner, doing odds and ends of chores, and either going out for a couple of hours or settling in on the couch/bed with a book or to watch tv.

i'm getting frickin' lazy and it's not good. i'm getting out of practice and it's not good.

fuckinell.

i also need to get back into doing yoga 'cause my back has started to bother me. the muscles are getting lazy like the rest of me. i can't wait for spring to get closer - my new bike is great but it sure sucks riding in the rain. i could even (gasp) maybe even ride to work on occasion, once it is light enough out in the mornings. i'd have to hitch a ride through the tunnel of course, but that's not a big deal. actually who'm i kidding. that's not going to happen any time soon LOL. i like being leisurely in the morning - drinking coffee and listening to the radio while i get ready. let's not get crazy about this...

any ideas for motivating yourself to do positive things for yourself?

can i get an amen?

hey big spender

ok so the architect was in a really blah mood yesterday. we had the world's most quiet drive home. once we got in the door he retired to his office to check his email and i put my jammies on and crawled into bed.

this part is hard for me, you know. i'm used to dealing with my own moods, but navigating someone else's is kind of new. the kiddo just gets grumpy - if you leave him alone till he's ready to talk you emerged unscathed by the sharp edge of his tongue. the architect, though, i'm not familiar with to the extent that i can easily separate his ... blues, i guess from me - i can't *not* take it personally. i'll learn, i guess.

anyhoo - i dealt with it by being stupid and cheerful in an attempt to elicit a grin of some sort. once i could see him begin to come around, i suggested a visit to a restaurant i noticed in tsawwassen - illuminate (ill-oo-min-ah-tay). an expensive dinner for a wednesday (dinner and wine for two came to $130) but well worth it when we emerged both smiling and full (mmm i had venison osso bucco). then i took him home and fucked his brains out. rawr.

sending out an sos

i don't know about you, but i'd be one of the first in line to pick up tickets to a police reunion show. i was (ok kinda still am) a massive fan. i just wish i knew where my 'message in a box' box set was... i'd bust it out and be singing along even as we speak. it's probably packed away in my folks' storage along with my teapot and various other kitchen type goodies. le sigh.

sweet mother of god! the cons are touring cross canada again this spring, my friends, and will be hitting vancity april 12. hopefully this does not coincide with anything else already in the works, as i must must must be there. interesting note - the 12th is a thursday which means that the following day is friday the 13th. if there were ever a better reason for a personal day, i cannot come up with one.

fun facts about the empire state building

is there anyone out there who isn't watching 'how i met your mother'? if so, you need to fix that a-sap. it's on tonight.

ok next - so we went tobogganing on saturday. the architect ended up with a concussion, and another member of our group broke her wrist. at what point do you say to yourself 'i'm too old to do this?' clearly 34 is not it, since i emerged unscathed. yay me!

i feel remarkably apathetic and unmotivated lately. I even spent a large-ish amount of money on clothes friday, but this retail therapy did little to alleviate my malaise. i need an existential shock to the system, grosse pointe blank style (what did debi newberry call it? i forget...) maybe it's my work environment - i can't wait to change roles here, because the people around me are always so frickin' cranky / unhappy. it has to be that because my homelife has been so great - the kiddo is happy, the architect is great, the house is lovely and clean and homey... le sigh.

anyhoo - we are going to federico's supper club on saturday. tourism vancouver is doing 'dine out vancouver' again this year - a whole bunch of restaurants particpate and you can have food from a set menu for $15, $25, or $35 dollars. i've never been, but have heard it's a blast. if you want to join us, we're going for 8pm..

dead disco, dead funk

ug i'm back to work for the first time in two weeks. I have no idea, seriously, how i ever managed to come to the decision that getting up this early EVER was a good idea. le sigh.... i couldn't fall asleep for anything last night - ended up getting up and popping some melatonin at around 11 then finally settled in. i was hot, then cold, then hot again, and the architect was snoring peacefully away with the cat curled up on his chest about six seconds after he shut his eyes. i wanted to use them both for paintball target practice.

someone give me a job i can do from home, please. or at least one that i can get super excited about going to every morning....

oh, canada!

team canada and the canucks both in one day? myohmy i can barely contain myself...

ahh i got nuttin. i haven't done much except lie about, ride my by-cycle and read books for the last two weeks so really, what else is there to talk about? ridley was complaining about blogs that are day-to-day archiving of the bloggers' lives - i don't particularly want to fall into that pattern, but at the same time, sometimes that's what i want to write about, you know? like how yesterday me, the architect and the kiddo crashed out in the living room in our pj's till almost 2pm watching hockey and drinking tea before we struggled up off the couches to go for lunch with friends. it was great - relaxing and fun and weirdly family-like except my family doesn't really do things like that. in my family it mostly feels like you put in your time and then get away from each other as quickly as possible. well not the sister and i, but still. to actually spend the day in relaxing (well kinda tense uptight sort of excitable, but relaxing nonetheless) companionship was a loverly change. anyhoo....

oh - sharing. on digg, today, they posted a link to a site that indexes online tv shows and movies etc (sweet mother of god who knew there was so many versions of stargate?)

music makes the world go round

check this out. the relationship between music and the brain is an interesting one - long ago i remember reading about how listening to classical music while studying helps you retain information at a better rate. i also noticed (and puzzled over) the fact that i could remember lyrics to songs years after the last time i'd heard them, but ask me to memorize a poem for class? fuggedabuddit. i've kind of become addicted to digg. maybe it's just 'cause i've spent the first two hours of nearly every morning in the last two weeks lying in bed, sipping coffee, surfing the net, and digg gives me a pleasant way to do it, but still. just like last year i've become addicted to top ten lists. le sigh. why can't we parcel them out throughout the year? i'd be so much more productive.

so i have to go back to work on monday. i'm not really looking forward to it, to be honest. my job has been less than satisfying; the working environment has been tense at best; you get the sense that the board doesn't REALLY care too much about the people who work for them... ah the same old complaints. my boss rocks - she's the real reason i haven't turned tail and run long ago. well that and i need to have a job 'cause while the architect probably *could* support us all, i'm not the kind of person who's comfortable with that idea at all. i like being able to pull my own weight, you know?

i do sort of feel like i should have accomplished more this vaykay. i still have boxes of stuff lying around; i still have pictures and lamps waiting to be hung; i still i still.... all i have really done is cook, watch movies, and lie about surfing the innerweb. not a bad thing per se, but not at all productive, either. oh though i did finish reading a couple of books, which is a good thing. i don't read (paper, not web) nearly enough anymore. i used to get through a book per week, easily. now i'm lucky to finish a book per month. now that things have settled down round the homestead, though, i should be able to get back into the swing of things, i hope.

speaking of which - i should take a shower and think about what to do for the day. my two hours are almost up and i still want to lie here...

twas the best of - slash- worst of

**edit** - i started this on the 30th... i'm a bit of a procrastinator, this week. since i'm on vay-kay, all i want to do is lie around in my jammies and read, especially since we ended up not going away for the new year (my back is spasming, the architect has a deadline). anyway onward...

ah the ubiquitous (sp?) list...

1) most frustrating / fascinating debate about me, carried out by people who've never met me: well it has to be a tossup between this one and this one. seems so long ago. plus now i wish i could sit them all down and say "ha! told you so! look where i am now!"

2) worst song of 2006: again, tied between that fucking my chemical romance song (oh for the days when they used to be good), the hinder song about cheating on your girlfriend, or that other 'ladies and gentlemen' song. ohh or maybe the evanescence single? too many to choose from...

3) albums i listened to the most: fabriclive 29 - evilnine; back to mine - adam freeland & back to mine - liam prodigy; 10000 days - tool; alexisonfire - crisis; beck - the information; DFA Remixes - chapters 1 & 2; dj champion - chill 'em all; kasabian - empire; rise against - the sufferer and the witness; swayzak - route de la slack; snow patrol - eyes open.

4) most disappointing album of '06 - sam's town by the killers. hands down.

5) my favourite post i wrote last year: april 5, 2006

6) my favourite movie - a scanner darkly
-------------------------------------------------------

ahh i dunno.. i've lost my rhythm. the architect is feeling a bit down today. he's regretting not going away with his friends this weekend, a bit, and worried that we are turning into a 'normal' couple. he doesn't want that - says he doesn't do well with routines and schedules. what do i say to this? we have gone through a very busy month - moving and families and christmas and and and. i hope he's not regretting asking me to live wiht him. it's only been a month - if he's feeling already that things are stagnating we can't be long for this world, i don't think. oh that makes me sick to my stomach, thinking that.

happy blog-day

that's the first photo i ever posted of myself - one year ago today. it's funny, isn't it, what changes a year can bring? (warning - i'm feeling a little emotional 'cause i haven't taken my meds in .. well long enough to feel the effects, but not long enough to have brain shivers)

three years ago in the sanatorium: "this would be my first attempt at this. i am, if you will, a blog virgin. i've been thinking about the wierdness of connecting with people on the internet. it's not like i have trouble meeting people in *real* life-- i am just fascinated by the sheer volume of people that i have no other way of coming in contact with. does this make me a bit of a tart? hmm i wonder."

it's funny, 'cause even as i wrote those words, three years ago, i never thought anything would ever come of this meeting people on line thing. i never really thought i'd develop virtual relationships with like-minded human beings all around the world - people whom, even though i've never really *MET* them, i still miss when i don't hear from them / check in on what's up in their worlds. i wish that i head the means to send plane tickets to him and him, and her and him, and him and everyone else here to have a big party in my house with lots of drinks and stories and drunken teary-eyed confessions and laughter and more drinks. i wish i could, but i can't. the thought is there, though, and the invitation is open - we have an extra bedroom, and some couches, and a kickass purple chaise and they all are open to you, all of you, where-ever you are if you feel like a holiday or a break and head my way.

and, less than a year ago, i met this great guy online. he's incredible, the architect, and, while he may raise an eyebrow if i were to announce that a whole bunch of blog people were coming to visit, would never question it or anything else. he'd just sigh, pat me on the head, and check to see if anyone had bothered to dust the spare room since the *last* time someone came to stay. we're going away on friday. but in the next couple of days i'll try to put together some of my favourite memories of the past year - whether they're good or bad, they are what they are and they made an impact on me. i'd like to hear yours, too, if you don't mind, but whatevs.

xo

and a partridge

what did you get for christmas?
did uncle arthur get drunk and pass out on the lawn again?
did you wake up the whole family puking on christmas day?
did una want to sieve the gravy at the turkey curry buffet?

i want to know it all....

a snapshot of life at raspberry's house...

email exchange between the architect and i this morning:

him: what's this world coming to when i have to defrost desserts in anticipation of my lunchtime sugar jonesing?

me: I am a bad, bad girlfriend. Clearly. How dare I prepare several family's worth of baking and then store it in the FREEZER?! For shame....

him: exactly. you're going to get a spanking tonight young (sizzling-hot) lady.


we like spanking...

i see my heart explode, it's been eroded by the weather here

well i'm glad to hear that i'm not the only one who gets a rash when that song comes on the radio - and picklesack, too! you can be hanged as a traitor in vancity for even implying that you might find nickleback a tad grating.

the winds are going to pick up again here today. we've had some crazy frickin' weather this year - seriously. last week during the windstorm the architect and i were woken up by a massive metallic crashing in the street. i leapt to my window to see what was the matter, but alas the moon on the crest of the rain soaked lawn revealed that my car (the green goblin, itself) was still in place - my wondering eyes spied only a garbage can careening down the block. le sigh - i had really hoped santa was getting me a new FJ for christmas...

oh heh - apparently our esteemed RCMP were called out to a mall yesterday to break up a gaggle of drunk santas. is that the correct word for a group of santas? gaggle? herd? flock? whichevs - drunk santas getting rousted by the cops is comedy gold...

you know you make it hard not to vomit...

it's a miracle that there is any morning at all that i make it to work without ritualistically flaying someone. seriously. the day that i no longer have to go through that fcuking tunnel to get anywhere will be a happy day indeed. four g-darn double long dumptrucks riding bareback REFUSING to let any silly little CAR come between them and their heavy duty truck on truck dance of love. RAWWWRRRRRR!!!!

to add insult to injury they played that fucking hinder song - quite possibly the worst song on the radio today. yes i said worst. seriously - every friday night, in tacky top forty bars all across north america, drunken frat boys are grinding coked up former cheerleaders to that song right before the ugly lights come up, thinkin that they're don juan casanova, when really they are mac'ing to a song about CHEATING ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

FYI - not romantic, fellas.


(ps - i might have a little bit of pre-menstrual tension. i'm not sure why i get that sense, but there it is.)

a festivus

oh man i'm starting to think that there is something to this whole bah humbug grinch thing.

bah.

humbug.

i ran my ass off all weekend - shopped like crazy, baked, organized, decorated, stressed myself out, puked my guts out, and for what? seven days before christmas, then i pack it all up and it's like it never happened.

bah.

humbug.

i think i just need to sit back and relax in the lights of my tree (finished decorating at 10.30 last night), gaze upon our newly purchased dining table (bought in a rush at 5.30 last night) and drink a gallon of wine. oh wait i can't cause i still have baking to do, some gifts to purchase, and then i have to wrap the works.

bah.

ok i'm done now. hey the architect and i are going to have a festivus/christmas/housewarming/what-have-you party on the 22nd. if you care to brave the drive to metro ladner, we'd love to have you. send me an email and i'll pass on the topo maps...

oh what fun it is to ride

so on my way to work there is a decidedly dark stretch in a light-industrial area. in the mornings, if i hit it at just the right time, driving along that length of road is akin to running a 'young drivers' obstacle course - all these dark clad targets darting out from between cars, doing that sheepish shuffle-run in front of your car clutching lunchbags and umbrellas. one day a tragedy will occur, some little traffic dodger will be laid out like yesterday's tuna sandwich.

seriously.

a cornucopia of goodness blissfully bursting in my belly (or something like that)

so i've just converted my blogs over to 'the new blogger'. aside from looking slightily... er... shall we say budget i'm not noticing much difference.

i'm unenthused about my job, lately. it's not that i don't *care*... well kind of i don't but i think it's just that the past few weeks have been emotionally trying and i need a holiday. fortunately, i work three days this week, then next is the week before christmas, then i'm off till january 8th. i heart vacations. we are going up the sunshine coast for 4 days for new years with a bunch of people, and off to whistler for boxing day, but aside from that it's going to be a lot of doing nothing, i think. hopefully the weather will be nice so we can do some fun outside type stuff, but i can't be assed to make any more concrete plans than that. plus, lets not kid - no matter how relaxing you think that christmas vacations will be, they always end up being a nightmare of busy-ness. i'm going to attempt to avoid that.

i finally went grocery shopping for the christmas baking yesterday. $250 later, i have almost all the stuff i need. (i say almost 'cause round about 3am i was jerked out of a deep sleep by the realization that i'd forgotten to buy icing sugar. or maybe it was the bedroom door slamming in the wind - who can say?) i've got quite a list of things to put together, but since the architect and i have finally got the house (mostly) sorted out, i can ignore the remaining boxes (can't do anything with'em until i have some shelves) and focus on cranking out at least one shining gem o' christmassy goodness a night.

------------------------------------------------------
in other news, i read this article this morning and found it quite fascinating. the constant evolution (or is it a devolution?) of language is a source of great interest for me. i love reading about how words gain power or lose power through use or lack thereof. say, for example, christmas. now that walmart has 'brought back christmas', does it mean that the term has finally become a generic label for a formerly religous now increasingly secular celebration? what does christmas even mean anymore? for me it's mostly a time of celebrating with family and friends - there is very little religious meaning to it. i wouldn't go so far as to say that it's completely commercialized for me - i think rather that, in my head, it's closer to a time to celebrate love and friendship and caring and giving. does that mean, therefore, that what i do should be called something different? like, does the pc-friendly 'winter holiday celebration' designation stand as more appropriate to use in my case, or has the word 'christmas' gone the way of xerox, jello, and kleenex and come to signify any event (christian or NOT-christian, but not those associated with other religious denominations) celebrated at that time of year?

anyhoo... i'm getting too text-heavy. i'll try and post some pix from the office christmas party which ended up being legend (wait for it! hope you aren't lactose intolerant 'cause here it is..)dairy....

all i want for christmas

so while i was driving in to work today they were talking about the worst christmas songs ever released, and played a snippet of some kid singing about how he (she? who can tell pre-puberty) ate beans and farted on santa's lap.

now if that won't get you into the spirit of the season, i dunno what will.

i'm so not ready for christmas this year. usually i'm done my shopping and my baking by now - this year i haven't even really started the shopping and i DEFINATELY have not started the baking - though the sister has written a wishlist up on my noteboard at home. i do have a 3-day weekend this week and a four day next, so i can get my head above water with the unpacking tomorrow/sunday and then next weekend can bake, wrap & shop.

notice how i left saturday off that for the unpacking madness? see it's my office christmas party on friday night, so we are attending that, then are heading dahn-tahn to see bassnectar at dicks afterwards. i imagine saturday will be a festival of nothingness - lounging in pjs and watching movies in front of the fire... i heart that idea, especially because it is supposed to be ass-esque weatherwise this weekend.

oooo i get a mani-pedi on friday, too. i don't know what dress to wear though - i have a great ann taylor wine coloured silk number that i've never worn, but no shoes that will really go with. or, alternatively, i could wear the floor-length dress i wore to mikeb's christmas party last year, since no one at my office has really seen it. i *do* have shoes to match it, but i kinda want to wear the silk one. what to do, what to do.....

december 6, 1989

Genevieve Bergeron- Nathalie Croteau - Anne-Marie Edward - Maryse Laganiere - Anne-Marie Lemay - Michele Richard - Annie Turcotte - Helene Colgan - Barbara Daigneault - Maud Haviernick - Maryse LeClair - Sonia Pelletier - Annie St-Arneault - Barbara Klucznik-Widajewicz

i don't know what to call this post

so yesterday i stayed home 'cause when i got up my eyes were pretty much swollen shut and felt as though they were full of ground glass.

so awesome. mind you we've got a fairly nasty and daunting project for the day here at work, so i'm half wishing that they still felt that way today. though now that i think of it the project involves digging through 1500 files, so they may very well by the end of today. even more awesome.

i've unpacked my kitchen, the bathrooms, and my clothes. i have no idea where anything else is - including my jewellry and my alarm clock. le sigh .

tell y'all a story bout a joker and a thief

so we moved (and when i say 'we' i mean 'he') the architects furniture and boxes to the new place yesterday. i stayed home and had a snow day from work. i love working in my jammies - it rocks. i wanted to wear them again today but figured the new HR lady would look at the poohbear bottoms a touch askance. maybe not - it *is* casual friday, after all.

i think we found a 'just for now' kitchen table at ikea - it's square and has little stools. i like it... it's nowhere near as nice as the one we want to be our 'real' table (from moe's), but it'll do as a breakfast table kind of thing.

oh man listen to me - suzy homemaker over here. hmmm must post a naughty photo to mitigate the boringness....