the last of the long weekends

i'm so fucking lazy right now and i hate everything. i've got that suspicious jealous me against the world mentality where i'm convinced that everyone is out to get me and i can't trust anyone. family is cold and standoffish; friends are decidedly disinterested and wish they were elsewhere when in my company; architect is.. well i'm not sure.

the one who is far away is trying to convince me that he is who he says but all signs point to otherwise - a little border town where you can order biscuits and gravy and if they have the stuff to make biscuits and gravy well then dammit you can have biscuits and gravy otherwise you are shit out of luck.

my head's all hunter s. i'm off my meds and had kind of a crappy weekend and i don't know if it really was all my fault or if it's just that the people i'm 'friends and family' with are so used to me being easy going and taking whatever shit they lay out that the minute i stand up for myself they accuse me of ruining everything for everyone and how dare i actually resist what they have to say.

oh fuck look she's growing a backbone.

i'm so fucking lazy right now and i hate everything. i want to run through the aisles destroying shit smashing smashing crushing everyone and everything that comes between me and self immolation. someone put me out of my misery 'cause the slow cooker suicide i've embarked upon ain't coming fast enough.