lundi, février 5

cast afloat

oh my god i've never been so happy to see the end of a weekend. like i was actually happy to leave the house this morning - not because i wanted to go to work, but because i just couldn't stand the thought of what might come next.

apparently i'm allergic to beer. i've been having some odd reactions to it, lately, and on friday night i drank 4 beer at the giants game, ended up staggering and slurring, puked the whole way home, and then every 20 min or so until 1pm the next day when i took gravol and went to sleep. good times.

sunday started out pleasantly enough, with shopping and brunch, but when we got home the kiddo had left dishes on the counter and the architect went off the hook about how the kiddo isn't expected to do anything 'round the house and how it's lazy and how he wasn't brought up that way and how he didn't understand how it was ok with me. this totally took me by surprise - the kiddo will do stuff if you ask him but he doesn't really go out of his way to help out any (he's a 17yr old. did you volunteer to clean at 17? yeah me either). i just really had no idea that it was an issue. the architect deals with stuff by suppressing it until it's too late and everything bubbles over. we argued until after midnight - it was awesome, let me tell you. i still don't know if we are good. we seemed to come to an impasse last night - i had spoken to the kiddo about it but that wasn't enough. there isn't really anything else i can do, save take over all of the cleaning on my own, but that isn't the answer either.

all of my doubts and insecurities have come flooding back. it seems to me that this sort of thing proves that i'm not cut out for happily ever after. i meet a great guy and i can't even keep that going - no matter what i do. i'm happily continuing on thinking that we have a good thing going when out of nowhere i'm blindsided by issues that i had no idea even existed. i don't know why i ever opened myself up like this. i should have stayed where i was - at least i knew where i stood.