sad sundae

i told mr. married that, starting this morning, he had to go away for a bit and come back to me with a decision - that this confusion was not for me. it's not fair - not to him or to me or to anyone else involved in the situation. i'm operating under the theory that he's going to think about it and decide to make things work with his wife "for the children". he's got a very strong sense of what a "good man" should do - and it's all wrapped up in being there for his kids. he's trying to decide if he's willing to settle for unhappiness with his partner in order to be a full time dad.
 
i have some strong thoughts on this, which have been corroborated by people i know who's parents did this, but my opinion doesn't matter at this juncture. i think that's the hardest part for me to face right now - i have no say in this. it seriously impacts my life, but the decision is not mine to make.  so i feel a lot helpless, and a little out of control, and quite a bit sad.
 
i know some anonymous poster or another is going to be tempted to hit me with a "you deserve to feel crappy" kind of comment - please don't bother. i've explored all these avenues of thought all on my own. i've beaten myself up over this situation left right and center. trust me - there is nothing you can say to me or about me that hasn't already been thought by me, and even expressed by me about myself. been there, done that, in other words. save your breath.
 
so i've got some days to sit and think about this, and to worry, and to be excited, cause even though i'm operating under the assumption that he's going to make the quote-unquote "right" decision, i still kind of hope he will pick me...