is it fall already?

so i'm wearing a sweater. ok it's pretty sheer, and i have a tank top and bare legs under my little denim skirt, but it's still a sweater. and it's still, technically, august. not right. not right at all.

several people have asked me what i shall do when he changes his mind again? (both maktaaq and newly feel that he will do it) well, for the record, i don't think he's going to change his mind. however, i'm not particularly into being the best buy gift package consolation prize, if you know what i am saying. he did say to me, at one point: "i'd like to think that if i ended things with you, and things didnt' work out with me and (***), i could come find you. i mean, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, right?". to which i sort of gaped at him.

maya angelou has this great saying: "when people show you who they are, believe them the first time". i think i got to find out a little bit about who he is the other day, you know? and i'm not sure i like it. i'm just glad i found out after 6 months, not after 15 years. that said, i cannot honestly answer that question at this point. it's not as though i'm not in love with him. i'm not the kind of person who can shut her feelings off - i tend to feel things really deeply, so it takes me a while to heal them. if he were to come to me and tell me he was sorely mistaken and wanted to make things work, what would i do? i have no idea...

yesterday i got the "it's not you it's me" phone call. he was quite adamant that it was over, but wanted to apologize for the way it ended. i, for one, feel that he was just immensely guilty for "The Airport Incident", and figured that calling to apologize would absolve him of the guilt. i, being me, called him on his bullshit. he sputtered ineffectually.

anyhoo... monday will be a challenge... we have a meeting first thing. should be interesting. if you read reports of a man being thrown through a plate glass window at a local office building, come bail me out, ok?