so far

my valentines date this year was, as aforementioned, my little brother. he's going to uni at the same school i did, so is here in van for a couple of weeks a year. during his last visit (christmas) he picked up a cd of ted leo, and discovered that they were set to play while he was off on reading break.

anyhoo.... we went and it was fun. done.

what is interesting to me is how i'm so much *different* around my brother. well, around lots of people - i have these different personalities, and i'm fascinated by who gets to see what aspect of me. the last time i was out for dinner with maktaaq she noticed how animated i was - i think that's pretty close to who i am, especially lately. i mean, the introspective quiet stuff is me, too. but there are some people who really ONLY get to see that side. it takes a while to get to the giddy, laughing my butt off acting silly stuff. the other side of it is this - on saturday night, i went to a work function. now, the people i work with do, on occasion, see the giddy side of me (well, some of them anyway). however, on saturday night, it was completely hidden from view. (of course i was VERY TIRED, but still).

ahh i dunno where i'm going with this. i guess it's just interesting to me how you choose to expose aspects of yourself to the different people in your life - even people who are your family may not see all of who you really are.

lime and i were talking about a tangent of this topic when i was on the island recently - people of our generation (gen x or whatever) grew up with this image of what the "perfect" family should be - we grew up with the remnants of the nuclear family resonating in popular culture and so have this ingrained sense of what family is. we all know that it's a myth (probably one of the grand myths of the 20th century) but still it's hardwired into our psyches as something to seek. i honestly think rave culture is an outpouring of this - the basic essence of rave culture is coming together in a community united by the desire to look after each other, to love each other, and to be 'as one' spiritually. (this is what separates it from most other subcultures). there's the getting fucked out of your head on psychedelics and dancing your asses off as well but at the heart is this desire to be one with each other and with the world.

check current popular culture - most films reflecting 'young' people (twenties / thirties style) enact the group of friends as the urban family - much has been said about this in popular news articles and the like. we are looking for that sense of family. we are the first generation to have a large number of our members raised by single parents. we are the first generation to have households in which both parents worked as the majority. we are (perhaps) the first generation* to recognize that family is a construct and therefore, like any construct, can be deconstructed and remade. we are the first generation to recognize that family can be chosen: "Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place." (zach braff in garden state).

but here's my question to you: are we now creating this construct of the 'urban' family - this tight group of friends who are here for you through thick and thin? are we just transferring our desire for family and community from the families we really have onto other people? or is the 'urban' family a more attainable myth?

* i recognize that this statement is problematic. you could dispute me (i'm thinking of john glassco's memoirs of montparnasse, and his descriptions of his contrasting relationships with his family and friends).