still alive, barely

ok so i have had, for the past couple of days, what my dear friend lem-o-lish so delicately refers to as 'the utes'. and, if you check out the swizz-miss's domain, she is similarly afflicted.

i have a doctor's appointment in about a week and a half - i am going to try and make them fix me. i've been going back twice a year and saying "this is wrong. why does it do this?" and twice a year they perform the same tests and come back with no results and no answers. this time i'm not going to say "this is wrong. why does it do this?". i'm going to say "this is fucking wrong and i keep asking you the same thing over and over and you never give me a god damned answer and it's time to fucking answer or send me to a specialist who can, for christ's sake!"

anyhoo. rant done.

i've been, in my efforts to look after myself better, very good about eating healthy and eating low fat and not eating anything i'm allergic to. usually my diet is varied enough and interesting enough that i don't feel *deprived* in any way. today, though, i feel deprived. i think it's a combination of the utes and working really closely with mr. m on a project for the last couple of days (we won't get into my pathological need to do a better-than-excellent job and win his approval) but i feel... lacking. deprived - of human contact, of fun food, of something. and it's not like i haven't had a delightful social schedule the last couple of days - i spent most of sunday/monday with my sister (yay! sister!), had a thoroughly enjoyable meal with maktaaq last night, and had nice early morning chats with newly and lemon-love-of-my-life today. the raspberry just isn't feeling her perky self, kids. she needs a little love.

plus, now i feel sort of guilty 'cause, as i've been sitting here writing this, i've consumed half of a dark chocolate lindt wafer bar - one of the big ones, too. hmpfh.