jeudi, septembre 1


ok so i'm at tnb's place yesterday, and notice, beside his bed, a little stack of photographs of another girl. he was in the shower - i wandered into his room to claim my book from my bag and there they were. just sitting there, beside his bed.

when he got out of the shower, he went into his room, grabbed them, and chucked them into the closet. "what are you hiding?" i asked. "nothing, just putting something away."

now, he's 35. if he's going to fuck other people, he's going to fuck other people - not much i can do about it. however, and i've been quite clear about this, i would like to know that this is the state of our relationship for a few reasons:
1) if he's going to fuck other people, so am i.
2) if i'm fucking other people, especially if i fuck someone with any kind of regularity, then i'm going to lose interest in hanging out with tnb - i have neither the time nor the energy to deal with two men.
3) if we are both fucking other people, why the fuck would we bother fucking each other?

so i left it at that, 'cause i need to sort these things out in my head before i talk about them, otherwise i fly off the handle and things get emotional and i say things that shouldn't be said. but i need to ask him about it, i guess. what i DON'T know is that whether or not i even have a right to ask him? i mean, technically, he broke up with me and we've never talked about the fact that shit hasn't changed between us. we aren't - technically - dating. so do i have a right to ask, even? do i have a right to feel all confused and sort of sad?