day, have i the guts to greet you

did i tell you about the E-piphany i had last week? i was dancing up at the front by the stage and turned around to look into the crowd. the chef caught my eye. i wandered back through the crowd to see him and, as i stood a little way away from him, it struck me how he looked exactly (not so much in appearance as in the way he moved and the expression on his face) as my crazy exboyfriend. scared the shit out of me. also, it made me think about the stuff he'd been saying; the stuff about feeling so excited to have met me etc etc. i wondered if it was genuine or if it had been a line - the whole time he was saying them i couldn't escape the thought that he was feeding me a line - that he was too good to be true.

so, as is my usual modus operandii, i asked him. this was his response:

thoes feelings were genuine, but they went away. And the reality, which sucks to say and hear, is that it's just not going to happen with us. I had a great time being compleately unleased, and you are fun. However, do you think that we really know anything real about each other?
You'll find great sex with some dude and i wont be so prominant in your mind.
When you stop seeing anyone it sucks.
But we are not seeing each other any more.
Go on dates, hang out with your family, if you see me say hello.

the spelling errors are his, not mine by the way.

and blah blah blah spare me the gospel according to those who know better, ok? i'm just thinking out loud at this point and don't want to hear how i'm a whore and therefore deserve every unhappiness which is visited upon me.

these last couple weeks have been fuct. work's been AWFUL, some of my good friends are going through some amazingly rough times so i'm trying to be supportive, boys suck... i think i'm going to go back to being raspberry bronte and staying at home by myself. well after tonight, anyway 'cause i'm going to see lee burridge downtown.

omg my friend just sent me mj and bartsimpson singing 'happy birthday lisa' - he said it's not my birthday but it's all true anyway. i'm gonna cry.