ADAM Web Design
April 2nd, 2006 | 10:31 pm
JD: It’s not a question of self-confidence or lack thereof. It’s a question of a mixed message.
And if you’ve spent any amount of time on an Internet dating site (as I have with some buddies), you’ll see that the comment I made is far more general than it would appear.
I have no problem with a woman being confident with herself physically. Hell, I’m dating one of the hottest chicks on the planet, and both her and I know it.
What I have an issue with is the lack of understanding of said mixed message. If a woman is trying to “be sexy” (and there’s nothing wrong with that, by the way), that means she is trying to attract, allure, and generally draw the interest of someone else. Usually, that’s a man (although it can be a chick or in oddball cases, “miscellaneous” as well.)
Side note: same thing goes for men, but in reverse.
Anyway, I digress. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard “why do men just want to sleep with me? Why don’t they want to get to know me better?” from some chick in hooker boots whose boobs are popping right through her shirt (assuming she’s even wearing one).
As I said, that’s a mixed message at best. And quite a few guys are going to get confused by it. If you don’t want to be treated like a cheap slut, then don’t wear the uniform.
Or, as David Lee Murphy so eloquently put it in song:
If the fish ain’t bitin’
If the fish ain’t bitin’
Well now don’t go gettin’ shook
Honey take a look
At what kinda bait ya got on the hook.
raspberry seems to understand why Aaron and I made the comments along the lines that we did, based on the comments she made. It’s not about the rack…and yeah, creepy guys are part of the deal.
raspberry
April 3rd, 2006 | 6:17 am
wow christ you sound like the kind of guy who would have told a girl she deserved to get raped ’cause she was wearing a miniskirt.
a woman’s sexuality is her own. she can dress any way she wants - it’s not her fault if some sleezeball sees a girl in a tight tshirt and thinks that she’s only looking for one thing. that’s his problem, not hers. give your head a shake.
and i reiterate - this is the internet. don’t mistake what you see here for what is really true.
ADAM Web Design
April 3rd, 2006 | 1:47 pm
Thank you for putting words into my mouth, and twisting my comments around to justify your opinion.
I never condoned rape. I never condone anything that isn’t a consenting act between two people. Did I say that? No.
But negative behaviour escalates from other negative behaviour that precipitates it. If I call you an asshole, you might punch me in the mouth.
Should you have punched me in the mouth? No. But I did something to cause it. If I keep my mouth shut, the chain of events never gets started.
And if you’re going to show off your tits (covered or otherwise), people are going to comment. Men are pigs. That’s what we do. It’s not right or correct, but it’s something we do.
You don’t want it to happen? Don’t wear shit that accentuates them.
In other words, don’t complain about behaviour if you’re not doing anything to stop it. Clearly, you’re not…on the Internet or otherwise.
And don’t spout that same line of crap about how you’re different offline. You want attention. Period. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t keep on going on that you don’t, and you damn sure wouldn’t have pics of your cans everywhere.
raspberry
April 3rd, 2006 | 4:12 pm
no man you can’t make that value judgement about me ’cause you don’t know me. how i behave on line and off line are completely and utterly different.
it was, and still is, on occasion, extremely common for rape cases to get thrown out of court because the defence put the victim’s sexuality or appearance on trial instead of the stupid ass who did the deed.
that outdated misogynistic bullshit line of thinking which insists that ‘men are pigs, deal with it’ is the same one that forces islamic women to wear the burkha - that women are culpable for a man’s inability to control his sexual urges.
fuck that shit. if i want to show my tits i can. i have great tits. i accept that guys are going to make lewd comments, and i don’t frankly care. if you’d bothered to read the post i wrote which inspired this whole conversation thread you would understand that it is part of a larger narrative that i have been constructing since 2003. my blog is based on the idea that (to quote timothy findley) ‘everything in here is true, except for the lies’.
and when you go home to the ‘hottest woman in the world’ make sure that you let her know that if she wears something sexy out and something bad happens you won’t sympathize ’cause well shit, every action has a reaction so she must have been asking for it.
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ok i may have gotten a little hot and bothered, there, but seriously - comparing getting punched for calling someone an asshole and getting called a slut for wearing provocative clothing doesn't seem to have much validity, you know?
not to mention the fact that his 'men are pigs, deal with it' attitude is so 1957 it hurts me inside. why should men be allowed to engage in any behaviour they wish and women be forced to mitigate our own freedoms to accomodate them? the 'it's in our nature' justification went out with beehive hairdos and freshening your makeup in order to greet your husband at the door when he comes home from his hard day at work, martini in hand, dinner in the oven, smile on your face and 2.4 mewling brats tugging at your hem. i just don't get some people.
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