completely separate and unrelated

well, sort of not, cause nick's the 'inbetween' thing that i did that means that the other will never happen...

i finally got the balls to ask him(nick, not the other) what was going on... i mean, i knew the answer, but i needed to *know* the answer, you know? and it's what i knew i knew the answer to be... but whatever. it still feels kind of crappy. i got the blah blah blah working together blah blah blah just want to be selfish blah blah blah.. the ususal boy crap. i stopped him mid flow and told him he didn't have to explain himself to me. i just wanted to know what was going on. i told him that i wasn't looking for a boyfriend.. that it never works out for me when i do.... and that he doesn't owe me anything. i could tell he was feeling sort of bad, but there is no reason for it, so i tried to reassure him. i hang out with young boys and they act like young boys - i deserve pretty much everything i get. so i feel ego bruised and kind of sad.. but mostly cause i think we could have had some fun.

but in all honesty there is still the other... and i don't know if i could really get away from it, considering. what's the song? "you are still a whisper on my lips.. feeling at my fingertips.. pulling at my skin.. days go by and still i think of you.."

i've asked mike b. to smack me when i start liking the next one. he said that he will do it, unless they are good. i pointed out that i never really like the good ones, so there isn't much chance of that happening.