when mikeb was in thailand he got me this pretty pretty wrap so i took off all my clothes and took pictures of myself with it.i'm not sure if he'll see this as a fitting token, since he kind of views me as a non-sexual sponge type creature, but fukkit i did it anyway.
wtf?! supernatural isn't on this week. how does *that* work? don't they know that i need my weekly dean fix? it's just not right..
yesterday tony pierce wrote about his soulmate and how she's gone to africa and reading it made me pensive.
yesterday, ben (i think, if not i apologize) asked me if i was really as tough as i appeared. truthfully, i'm really not. this isn't how i imagined it would be, you know? this isn't how i pictured myself at 33 back when i was a little girl playing dress-up and running through the forest in mock battles and hiding under the big birch tree in our front yard sipping juice, eating homemade chocolate chip cookies and reading nancy drew.
sure i never wanted to get married have kids get a dog buy a station wagon but i also don't think that my eight year old mind realized i was going to be alone for most of my adult life.
i've been with a lot of men.
i've got some amazing friends.
i've got a wonderful family who i'd do anything for.
my son is the light of my life and without him i'd be less of a woman.
but some days... some days knowing that nobody is going to meet me at the door with a glass of wine; that no one is going to listen to me when i fret about work or traffic or money and kiss me on the end of the nose and tell me they love me and make me not care about those petty little things.. some days knowing that isn't going to happen makes me sad.
and lost.
and lonely.
and today is one of those days.
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