mardi, mai 23

allow me to retort

ok so the other day ridley offered some advice to women posting online dating profiles, and i felt as though i should respond in kind. i know his profile is good, 'cause i screened it for him before i let him put it up. hey, what are older, less evil sisters for?

1) learn how to spell. the letter zed has not, does not, and will not, replace(d) the letter ess. unless you are jay-z, of course, in which case you are a dirty cheating bastard - go home to beyonce. call me!

2) we all know you snowboard. this is vancouver. you can't swing a stick without hitting a guy who skis, snowboards, and does the grind for fun. you tried surfing / want to try surfing / love to surf. your middle name is 'extreme sports'. you all like sitting on patios in the summer, and you all live in kitsilano. let it go.

3) don't post a picture of you with your arm around another girl. period.

4) if you are just looking to get laid, they have a section for you. use it. don't put a profile in every one to expand your market - you are playing with people's emotions and that's a Very Bad Thing.

5) please, if you are posting a photo, make it current. if it can't be current, please ensure that it still *looks* like you. your class photo from 1989 just won't cut it, unless you drive a delorean.

6) of *course* you are laid back / a really nice guy. what else are you going to say? you're a neurotic workaholic asshole who bites his nails and roadrages in the bumpercars at the PNE?

7) what's up with the fish? why is six out of ten of you holding a fish?