rainy monday

well, after yet another long drawn out conversation with rori last night i am still no further ahead than i was on friday. i hate that frustrated feeling of moving through quicksand - not really getting anywhere. i don't know what it is with him. or with me. or with me and him, rather. why don't i just cut him loose? it's not like there aren't other people who want to date me. fuck.

his latest thing stroke of genius is that i'm the best person he knows - open and caring and giving and wholehearted. but he can't hang out with me cause he's afraid he will fall in love with me. as ben put it "my god that sounds like something i'd say". i can't decide who's head i want to bang against the wall - mine or his. maybe mine, then his.