i'll admit it: i screwed up. i let a bad relationship come between me and the best friend i ever had... it was just easier to let him slip away than to fight about it with psychojeremy. but scott is the one person that i genuinely regret letting go of... that i genuinely miss having in my world.
so i sucked it up and i called today. he's living with a girl now, has been for a while, and is really happy -- there's nothing left for me in that, nor do i think that it would work anyway. we are really different people. but i wish that there was some way i could express how i feel about losing him, without sounding like an idiot.. without letting too much of myself go. maybe i should just let it go? what happens when your now has spectres of your past hanging over it?
i think that this year i'm going to continue on with the voyage of self discovery i began last year -- i'm going to continue trying to right the wrongs that i committed upon myself during my relationship with psychojeremy and continue my healing process. i owe it to myself for sure. and i have come *so* far in the last year.. so much farther in the last six months than i ever would have believed. i am going to try seriously hard to restore peace and balance to my world.
i don't want to come off sounding too 'deep' or anything, but i really seek a sense of peace. this, i believe, is my new year's resolution:
- to surround myself with people who bring joy, laughter and learning to my life
- to find peace within myself and with my world
- to get to know my kid even better than i already do, cause he's an amazing person who changes and grows every day
- to take some classes and bring learning back into my everyday life
- to try and journal every day, either here or in my notebook
- to try and exercise more regularly
- to try and eat a little healthier, especially at work
they are all one resolution cause they are all part of the whole; all part of that family motto thing that calvin and i adopted "be good, do good, feel good". if i can accomplish even a few of these things, i will be making giant strides forward in becoming a better, healthier me.
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