jeudi, janvier 1

should auld aquaintance be forgot?

i spoke to my old best friend, scott, today for the first time in six months. well, let's be honest with ourself, shall we? he's not only my exboyfriend, he's probably the guy i should be married to right now. after we broke up, he moved away and we still stayed in contact with each other at least weekly. and then... we didn't.

i'll admit it: i screwed up. i let a bad relationship come between me and the best friend i ever had... it was just easier to let him slip away than to fight about it with psychojeremy. but scott is the one person that i genuinely regret letting go of... that i genuinely miss having in my world.

so i sucked it up and i called today. he's living with a girl now, has been for a while, and is really happy -- there's nothing left for me in that, nor do i think that it would work anyway. we are really different people. but i wish that there was some way i could express how i feel about losing him, without sounding like an idiot.. without letting too much of myself go. maybe i should just let it go? what happens when your now has spectres of your past hanging over it?

i think that this year i'm going to continue on with the voyage of self discovery i began last year -- i'm going to continue trying to right the wrongs that i committed upon myself during my relationship with psychojeremy and continue my healing process. i owe it to myself for sure. and i have come *so* far in the last year.. so much farther in the last six months than i ever would have believed. i am going to try seriously hard to restore peace and balance to my world.

i don't want to come off sounding too 'deep' or anything, but i really seek a sense of peace. this, i believe, is my new year's resolution:
  • to surround myself with people who bring joy, laughter and learning to my life
  • to find peace within myself and with my world
  • to get to know my kid even better than i already do, cause he's an amazing person who changes and grows every day
  • to take some classes and bring learning back into my everyday life
  • to try and journal every day, either here or in my notebook
  • to try and exercise more regularly
  • to try and eat a little healthier, especially at work


they are all one resolution cause they are all part of the whole; all part of that family motto thing that calvin and i adopted "be good, do good, feel good". if i can accomplish even a few of these things, i will be making giant strides forward in becoming a better, healthier me.