lundi, janvier 30

diamonds are a girls best friend

the dumb ox wrote:

An important point, don't yell at me. Raspberry or others, I never slept with anyone that I didn't believe I was going to marry. My hopes sometimes were totally delusional, and caused a lot of suffering for both parties.

And yes, I had some sex partners, not in actual coitus, who I didn't think there was much of a chance for a future together.

So the end of the story. Well who know?

In the meantime, I am married to the most fantastic, feisty, tough, beautiful, Italian babe in the world.

She was able to take care of me when I had cancer and bring our second son into the world. She's amazing, as I imagine you are, and will be for someone!

Don't worry, God loves you. As silly as that sounds.

Oh well, I wish my dad had told me things like this, and I offer it to you (all) for what it's worth.

so i noticed that no one commented back to him. and you may be thinking to yourselves that his opinion is so far away from the sundae philosophy of decadence and debauchery that i'm going to a)ignore it or b)blast away a rebuttal.

funny thing is that i agree with him.

to an extent.

see, my dad is a very old fashioned irish catholic gentleman. he's never sworn in front of my mother or my sister and i. you don't talk that way in front of ladies. he raised us to be good catholic girls who respected themselves and their parents, and he taught us that sex before marriage was something that good girls didn't do. unfortunately for my poor father, he was blessed (ahem) with an eldest daughter who had an unnaturally inquiring mind, a deep spirit of sensuality and a burning desire to experience all of life to its fullest.

and, for me, this includes sex.

my sister has often told me that she's almost jealous of the way that i am. i'm a sexual person - i've been told that you can sense it bubbling just below my surface. i love it. to me the way that two bodies come together is a path to transendence that i've only ever experienced in one other way - blasted out of my mind on e in the middle of a heaving dancefloor riding the beat of dark dark electronic music.

when i bake bread, i put my hands in the bowl. i need to feel the miracle of chemistry take place as the yeast melds with the sugar combines with the water joins with the flour to become a living breathing organism growing and rising to the touch of your skin, warming with the heat of your fingers.

when i am with a man, i need to feel him in me. i need to feel our bodies join together to become one living breathing organism rising to the touch of my skin, warming to the heat of my fingers. to me that is life - it is as integral as breath.

now, my new friend the ox may be scratching his head as he reads this, wondering how it is that i'm agreeing with him.

the thing is that i know this way of life isn't for everyone. i know that, for some people, not being sexually active until you find the person you are going to (hopefully) spend the rest of your life with is very important. and i respect that and even understand it.

i just know that it's not who i am.

up until five years ago i wasn't going to get married. i was never the girl who fantasized about the princess wedding and the frothy white gown. for as long as my parents can remember i swore up and down that i wasn't going to marry, wasn't going to have kids. i was going to go to school, get a career, live on my own. seriously - we're talking raspberry at 6 years old declaring to her mom's coffee friends that babies weren't the way.

then, while sitting at a cousin's wedding, surrounded by the aunties and uncles, i realized that maybe, just maybe, this was, in fact, something that was important to me. i don't have a biological clock. i won't be having more kids. period. but someday, maybe, i'd like to find a kindred spirit out there, somewhere - a man who is as deeply sensual as i am. a man who has a sense of humour that can bring me up out of my blackest moods. a man who wants to spend the rest of his life going on adventures with me. a man who believes that you should strive, every day of your life, to do something that you've never done before, even if it is something as minor as drive a new way home from work, or only use your left hand.

do i believe that man is out there? honestly, i don't know. but i'm not the kind of person who can give up having her own adventures, give up experiencing all of my senses to their fullest, while i wait for him to come along.

i believe that you are responsible to live your life each day in a way that is true to who you are. for some people that means waiting for marriage to fully celebrate the beauty that is a sexual relationship. for some people, like my friends in victoria, that is respecting their partner's right to have multiple sexual relationships within the sacred space of a "marriage". for some people, it's finding solace and peace and fire and heat and passion in the arms of a person who is sweet to them, who respects them, and who is seeking the same thing as they are - be it a few months, a few years, or a few hours.

should i someday get married, i hope that it will be forever. i believe in 'till death do you part'. i also think that sometimes people get married for the wrong reasons, or marry too young, or marry the wrong people, or just grow apart, so i don't know how reasonable that is.

i do know that my parents have weathered some unbelievably rough times together. my dad's illness over the last decade has worn on us all - but my mother most especially. but she has stuck by him, unfalteringly, unquestionably. and i'm that kind of woman as well.

so there, ox, is my answer to your comment. i agree with you - waiting to have 'coitus' until you were with someone you believed you would marry was exactly the right thing to do, for you.

but if i'd followed that path, i wouldn't have had the kiddo. and if i'd not had the kiddo, the chances of me living beyond my 21st birthday are slim to none. having the kiddo saved my relationship with my dad, and my dad's my hero. having the kiddo in my life has brought me joy in moments where i honestly never thought i'd see sunshine again.

so maybe, just maybe, i'm following the path that's exactly right, for me.

baby ain't it crazy just to want it

notes to self:
1) remember to wash your coffee cup before you leave work on friday afternoons. you never know when you will be off for a week unexpectedly. *shudders*.
2) after being off work with the worst flu you've ever had, it may not be the best idea to spend all day in the rain/playing in the snow and then stay up all night dancing.

how old am i? oh yes, double-three. you'd think i'd have these semi-basic things figured out by now.

i seriously did nothing yesterday, except drive the kiddo and four of his friends down to a cafe dahn-tahn to see the blood brothers. he wandered in around 1am - he's gonna be more tired than me this morning. i am, quite honestly, exhausted. like deep down muscle ache tired. like i could use more time off work but would never EVER be able to catch up if i didn't come in. i did hear on the radio this morning that there is more chance of dying of a heart attack or stroke on monday morning than any other time of the week, 'cause everyone is so stressed out about going back to work that their blood pressure is way up. i know mine is, today.

or it would be if my heart wasn't too tired to beat.


dimanche, janvier 29

sleeping in the sun (lazybones)

which would be, of course, what i *wish* i were doing. or sleeping in the shade. or sleeping in the light filtered through the clouds. the operative word being sleeping. clearly.

i am a chronic early riser - a fact that never fails to delight and amuse the men i spend the night with. after the first night i spent with tcb he rolled over at 8.30am, looked at my wide awake ass said bearily "i need another hour". this morning, when my eyes popped open four short hours after they closed, i tried to roll over and say to myself "i need another hour". self did not listen, sadly, and chased me up the stairs to find coffee.

i don't imagine, however, that today will be a high-functioning brain process day.

true to form, i picked my spot on the dancefloor and stayed there all night. g came wandering up as farina hit the stage, laughing 'cause i guess he'd asked his friend if we had been spotted yet. j said he hadn't seen us and g responded, 'but they are always right... there' and sure enough there we were. i danced for hours and hours solid, then got back to the condo to find two drunkentextmessages on my phone from tcb. sadly they were from HOURS previous and he was already passed out when i got them. 'else i'd be there not here and probably naked not wearing fuzzy blue jammies.

i would be, however, awake regardless of where i was. stink.

samedi, janvier 28

come dancing

if you are in vancouver tonight hit the commodore and come say hi.
i'll be dancing my skinny little ass off.

have a great night!

vendredi, janvier 27

it's save *on* tuna, elvis

i have a new favourite song.

no it's not the madonna one, but i really like that one too. shh. i need to go dancing. the divine ms u and i will be on the floor front and centre for his highness of house mark farina tomorrow night. he probably won't play this, but he may play the madonna one. a girl can dream.

i'd also like to get off my tits tomorrow night, but i'm really broke-o-la, so i may have to borrow some cash to make it happen. i would like to meet cute boys who will buy me drinks, but my tendency when i go dancing is to find myself a little place just to the right (my right not his) of the dj and stay there




you pretty much have to drag me off for company/water/cocktails/flirting/all of the above, so it'll be comfy clothes and dancing shoes and i'm good to go.

you can't tell from the photo but i just got out of the tub so my hair's all damp from the bath and i am soft and smell sweet like black raspberry & vanilla body lotion. i'm also wearing the girliest panties imaginable and a tshirt with a monkey skull on it. whatevs.

ohh i also just heard the subways and this band makes me happy also. can you tell i'm sitting at home having a glass of wine (purely medicinal) and watching the wedge on muchmusic? wild and crazy friday night for the sundae.


but it's all good 'cause tomorrow i go out to dance my ass off and work out the frustration of a week of sick and the only nice boy to come my way in months (years) moving as far away from me as is humanly possible. maybe i'll find myself a dirty dirty boy to really work my frustrations out and then i'll have good stories for you.

emo sux

oh this is funny:


so the palestinian people have elected the 'terrorist' party Hamas to make up its government via a free and democratic electoral process. this has, of course, sparked concern, outrage, and consternation throughout the western world, as Hamas has been denounced and banned by the us, the eu, and canada. the soundbite that i caught this morning which made me giggle to myself was from prime minister tony blair: "...they have to decide between a path of democracy or a path of violence."

has anybody mentioned this to george w?

jeudi, janvier 26


tony is, of course, beyond reproach. he's the king of the world and i think deep down inside the reason i can't find a man who can handle me is 'cause i'm waiting for tony pierce. every day he opens up his mind and lets his words flow. you name it he knows something about it and can discourse with skill.

it sounds like i'm sucking up but i'm not. when you impress me you impress me and i have no problem letting you know. tony talks about politics and women and music and he does so with love and respect. tony pierce is beyond reproach.

save me from the borrowed cloud i'm on

so the last guy i dated who decided to move away just stopped talking to me and left me to figure it out on my money's on this one doing the same thing. anyone want a piece of that action?

i am missing yoga tonight. i am still too wobbly to go stand on one leg or balance in proud warriors 1 through 3, but will try and go to work tomorrow. you know, 'cause it's friday and why not do a solid day's work in order to be fully able to appreciate the weekend?

not to mention the fact that, if i don't go to work tomorrow, i might just go fcuking postal and kill my whole family 'cause i'm sick and tired of being trapped in my room with ellen.

sorry ellen but the honeymoon is over and you ain't got the dick to keep me interested.

i've been running through my blogroll about twenty times a day wishing you people would all update more regularly thank god for dlisted 'cause he updates four-six times daily. raymi too.

mercredi, janvier 25

the indies

the nominations are up.

go here and vote for the constantines (for some magazine's best band) and the hermit (best electronica).

do it.

weighed down with words too over-dramatic

oh tcb got the job.

i want to jump around with joy and bawl my eyes out at the same time.

this may be because i'm sick.

this may be because i become fixated on unavailable men and fuckin hell you can't get much more unavailable than australia.

mardi, janvier 24


dizzy up the girl

i still can't stand up long enough to take a shower. yes i realize this is gross. i am weak enough that i missed yoga last night and am currently missing my first spanish class. the yoga i can make up on thursday. the spanish i will have to cram for. fortunately my papa is taking the class as well and i can (as was previously witnessed by a grade eight aged sundae who spent many an evening at his mercy trying to learn algebra) count on him to be an educational hardass therefore have thorough and/or neat&tidy notes for me to copy.

tomorrow, i believe, will be another day of bed and afternoon tv. ellen and the sundae are now tight.


i wish i could dance when she does, but i get the spins and have to lie down. i feel like i'm letting you down, ellen. i'm so sorry, sweet dory, will you ever forgive me?

the worst part is that i can't pay attention to anything for long enough to read. i've been playing with my template but can't really focus so the best i could manage was a new image. it's kind of cute though. maybe tomorrow i'll do something a little more fancy-schmancy.

now that the conservatives are in power, i plan on using the profits garnered from my 1% gst reduction to engage in a life of debauchery and hedonism. especially since it's becoming more and more apparent that a monogamous fulfilling relationship is not in the cards for me. perhaps i'll spend my first million on sex toys and leather wear.



in the meantime, check out rick mercer's predictions on sharper's cabinet picks. it'll be interesting to see how many he's called.

baby we're goin down swinging

what i want to say is "don't go. i have this funny feeling in my belly about you. well, about you and me. stay here and let's see what happens. we can go on adventures and laugh and cry and scream and fuck and travel and laugh some more and it won't always be awesome but it will always be worth it and you'll never wonder what if."

what i will say is "this is an awesome opportunity and i totally envy you the possibility. i'm sure you will be successful and amazingly happy. good luck."

this is, of course, academic for the moment. he hasn't technically got the job yet. but he will, of course, because he's normal, and nice, has started dating me, and i actually like him. it was no coincidence that he got called for an interview the monday after our first date. i told him as much the other night. told him to just think of me as his good luck charm. he laughed, as though he didn't quite believe me but said thanks anyway.

lundi, janvier 23


home sick. dunno if i've got the flu or if it's just the meds but i've been sleeping for the better part of the last 36 hours and am really nauseous. see that guy in the classmates add? the one there on the bottom? i'm pretty sure he was my elementary school crush in grades six and seven. like, if i dug through some boxes, i could probably find that very picture. how funny is that? i guarantee you he didn't marry that chick in the photo above. she may, however, have been our grade seven teacher in an earlier life.

the cute boy nearly got his ear ripped off playing hockey on saturday night. like the picture he sent me is GROSS - there is something like eleven stitches in his earlobe. *shudders*. yes picture. no i didn't rush to his side to hold his hand when he was in the er. no he didn't call me. yes that is a very good thing. i would have probably gone and then been grumpy about it 'cause i'm pathologically afraid of hospitals. also of escalators but that's a post for another day.

ok i need to go back to sleep now. i *have* been awake for an hour now, you know.

dimanche, janvier 22

hold on a frickin' second

i forgot about the sexual side effects associated with some forms of anti depressants.

like, how it now takes me a year and a half to ... erm ... you know.

this is not cool how long does it last make it go away oh my god i may die.

fortunately the cute boy seems willing to wait it out. as in is willing to keep going for seemingly endless periods of time. thank fucking christ. speaking of, is the cute boy an appropriate moniker? as in tcb? will that be too readily confused with tnb?

shit have just been reading they don't go away. will have to go back to the dr.

jeudi, janvier 19

best. post. ever

if vanessa carlton ever comes within 50 feet of me i am going to do my pikachu impression and shoot lightning bolts up her asshole into her spine and turn her brain into mad cow diseased hamburger to serve them to her fucking record company executives and watch them twitch themselves into a pit of aids needles while lighting on fire for the unforgivable crime of that TERRIBLE FUCKING CD.

the motherfucking pants.

how is it not friday?

you really want BA Barracus on your side in these situations – especially when he’s a flesh eating deranged zombie.

i just now noticed that i have 666 posts. if i'd noticed that before i would have gone one of two ways - either stopped there forever, or immediately written a nothing post to get over the hump. i can't decide.


this is the first time all week that i've been home before 7pm. i'm vehicularly challenged, you see, and have been relying on the kindness of strangers. or not strangers, but colleagues. you get my drift. in addition to this, my doctor has prescribed celexa for me. it's leaving me in this weird state where all i feel is sort of a numb nausea, and my sleeping is messed up. i take it at night 'cause it is supposed to make you drowsy, which is a bad before work idea. and it does make me drowsy, but it also, weirdly makes me really wired and unable to fall asleep. oh and there's the feeling constantly like i'm going to vomit. hopefully that goes away.

none of this is a worthy excuse for not posting in days, but at the same time it's a great excuse, really, 'cause i haven't been myself. mind you, there is a whole lot of that going around the innerweb, i think, 'cause the ennui i am feeling seems to be fairly endemic.

in other news, remember the cute guy i went out with last weekend? the one that makes my heart go pit-a-pat? yeah, he had an interview for his dream job the other night. sadly, it's in australia. figures.

lundi, janvier 16

polyphonic prostitute (now it's suitable)

sex with tnb was pretty good. if i had one complaint, it was that he never went down on me. well, i can't say *never* 'cause i think he did three times in the entire nine months we dated. but close to never. he sure was a willing recipient of the oral love, just a not so willing... decipient? purveyor. yeah, purveyor.

saturday night i went to watch him (not tnb) play hockey. lucky for me, the rink he was on was viewable from the pub and so, left to my own devices, i quietly got drunk to keep myself amused. (well, and had a weirdly serious spiritual type conversation with a woman who was there to support the opposing team, but that's an entry for another day.) i figured he'd take forever once the game ended - they sit around after and drink beer and rehash every single play - but he came out straight away, dumped his gear in the car and sat down beside me. we had another beer, then headed back to his place and he showed me in, then tucked me up on the couch with a blanket while he put his gear away. after a few minutes, he came down, popped in the dvd and crawled under the blanket with me, scooping my legs up over his lap so that i was half on the couch, half on top of him. he reached down, picked up my hand in his, and started kissing my knuckles, sort of absent-mindedly, almost unconciously. i snuggled down on the couch, enjoying the warmth of the blanket and of his mouth. "do you want to lie down?" i asked. he didn't answer, just slid me forward a bit on the couch and curled in behind me, never letting go of my hand.

tnb never used his mouth enough. i love the feel of a man's mouth - so much harder than a woman's, soft but hard, rough but gentle. he scraped his teeth across my knuckles, not watching me, just knowing, feeling me shudder. he reached up, pushed my hair back, and took my earlobe in his teeth, flicking his tongue against it. it was almost more than i could bear- i turned my head and kissed him, grabbing his bottom lip with my teeth and pulling him over on top of me in one motion. i wanted him now NOW but he knew better, knew enough to pull back, undo my shirt, slip it off, pull my tits out of my bra and suck them gently, gently, then not so gently. he ran his tongue down my belly to the top of my jeans, tugging the button open, pulling them down off my hips, tugging the waist of my panties in his teeth and he moved down, keeps moving down, down, pulling my clothes off, kissing me all the way down, scraping his teeth on my hips, running his tongue along the crease at the top of my legs. jeans are off now, pulls my hips up to meet his mouth, licks me from my ass all the way around to my clit then latches on, sucks and licks and bites till i almost can't take it anymore, scoops me up and lays me down on the floor bends over me so that i can take him in my mouth at the same time all the while kissing and licking and biting me, using his tongue and his fingers and his teeth and his lips.

pirates of the caribbean, huh? now i understand..

mlk jr day

today is mlk day. stop, reflect. are you truly sending positivity out into the world?
he said:
Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true.

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.

Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time; the need for mankind to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence. Mankind must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.

The good neighbor looks beyond the external accidents and discerns those inner qualities that make all men human and, therefore, brothers.

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

why is it that canada does not recognize martin luther king jr day? and don't tell me it's because he was an american. mlk was a citizen of the world - what he spoke about and stood for transcends national boundaries and metaphorical borderlines.

nk is gone. i haven't removed him from the sidebar yet, 'cause it makes me sad a little.

more later. xo

edit - i changed the post title, cause polyphonic prostitute didn't seem so respectful-like.

dimanche, janvier 15

destination unknown, ruby ruby ruby ruby soho

when mike b invites girls that he wants to make out with to his house to watch movies, he inevitably pops in 'pirates of the caribbean'. he says it's better panty remover than lemon gin. girls can't resist the swashbuckling charm combo of orlando and johnny d. throw in a little mike b magic and bob's yer uncle.

i think that, to this date, i'm the only woman who hasn't succumb.

last night, as i curled up on the couch at the cute boy's place, he asked me "do you want to watch pirates of the caribbean or bladerunner?" i started to laugh, and explained mike b's theory when he queried my on my humour. he looked at me, looked at the dvds in his hands, and chucked bladerunner over his shoulder.

last night i didn't even bother putting up a fight.

vendredi, janvier 13

i'm two quarters and a heart down

i took a colour picture for ciavarro, my second ever internet crush. i'm feeling a little nostalgic tonight, so thought i'd dredge through my fondest memories with the help of a bottle or three of red wine. though i did notice, however, that my mama has been dipping into my stash of rh phillips. i can't say too much though, i guess. she did give birth to me. the least i can do is share my wine.

do you know that if it rains till sunday we are going to hit a record for the most consecutive days of rainfall in a row? how messed up is that? if you don't hear from me again, it's probably because i've chewed through my wrists in some kind of coyote ugly suicide - i've woken up and rolled over and found myself in bed with mother nature and she's frickin' f-u-g.

the divine ms u and i have a standing payday date with the outlet mall right by our office. we hit garage fortnightly for cheep tshirts and stuff to wear dancing. it saddens me 'cause my "nice rack" (as the cute boy my sister introduced me to refers to it) means that i have to buy a large, but whatevs. for five dollar tshirts i'll wear a double-x if i have to. or a triple-x. that'd be sweeeeet. but vindiesel triple x not ice cube 'cause the cube may have *been* the shit, but lately-ish he's been less straight outta compton and more straight outta disney. he used to be so hot. le sigh.

i don't think the cute new boy is interested. mike b says it's the fear talking. i am less convinced. i guess we'll see, huh?

i'm still taking offers from cute boys. you've all seen me now - if you are interested in taking a cute blonde girl out some night you know where to find me. tomorrow night'd be good, too, 'cause it's haircut day. i heart haircut day.

wow i'm drunkenrambling i do apologize. xoxo

mercredi, janvier 11

things that sound dirty but really aren't #572

"i'm looking for something sweet to suck on."
uttered innocently by me, raspberry sundae, upon being asked what she was looking for at the convenience store this evening. i'm not sure who blushed more - me or the poor pimply faced teenager who probably hangs out with my kid...

things i held sacred that i dropped

further to my previous post, one of my fave... not writers per se, but definately one of my fave characters (dorothy parker) wrote this:
By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.
she's my sweet soul sister for sure.

so along those lines, i find myself in a bit of an emotional pickle. a pickle? yes, a pickle.

you may recall the fact that the sister had decided to introduce me to a good friend of hers, selling him as equipped with features such as 'cute, good job, not a psycho, sunroof optional' (all very appealing attributes, i must say). she wasn't planning on putting any kind of matchmaking effort in, or anything, just to introduce us. which she did. now i was kind of drunk (witness the red-faced sundae a couple of posts ago) and i may have given him a wee kiss, but only the flirty kind i give everyone. we did sit and talk for a while - away from the crowd, chatting about 'getting to know you' stuff. he asked for my number. he asked me for a hug at the end of the night. he text'd me on nye when i was out with W49 to say happyhappy. all good things.

so where's the pickle? where's the pickle? yes, where's the pickle? he sounds nice - this seems normal. well, my friends, therein lies the pickle. he is nice. this is normal. i have this weird tug in the pit of my belly when i think of him (mike b says this is a good thing. i'm unconvinced). we were going to hang out on sunday but he hurt himself with a keg of beer and a canucks game on saturday, so couldn't. we might hang out on thursday instead, or perhaps over the weekend.

now, is this my usual lust talking? once i fuck him will i want nothing to do with him (as is my usual habit)? or am i being weirdly obsessive about someone that i barely know? i just don't know.

** edit **
so i did a virtual rune thing and came up with this:

Dagaz - Transformation, Breakthroughs
Dagaz denotes important breakthroughs in relation to whatever concerns you. The moment is right and therefore success is assured. This is the Rune of radical trust, even if circumstances require you to jump to the void with apparently empty hands.

It often introduces an important time of prosperity and great results. However, you are reminded to pay attention and not allow yourself to be carried away or to behave carelessly in your new situation. Humility and generosity are advised.

i can be generous. i can be humil. humbil. humilous? practice humility. you know what i mean...

lundi, janvier 9

under helicopters of desire

To lust with raging lungs. What hangs above when we love in fear? Don't take me to the hospital. Don't tie me to the wires. Just kiss me on a rooftop. It's for us. he's got the softest skin i ever felt and when he flipped me over, pushed my hair up up off my neck and gently grabbed the knot at the top of my spine with his teeth i could feel goosebumps rising the length of me, rising up closer closer closer to his touch. i arched my back against him, thrust my ass up, couldn't get near enough, couldn't find a way to smother my skin with his body. how can i climb inside him how can i feel him from the inside out how can i surround myself with the velvet pressure of his touch.

i know as he pushes inside me that this might be my only chance - that when it's done my lust will flicker and fade away. this will be the only time we meet here, in the dark, in desire.

it has to count for everything. i have to drink him all in take him all in my mouth touch every inch of him with my hands my tongue. i have to make it count for everything.

he rises up behind me with a gasp, pulling my hips in tight and i can feel him crash over me i fall to the bed face down on the pillow and bring him with me so that his body is on top of me his weight anchors me in this moment. don't ever let it slip away. this is the only truth - two bodies two people minds free and linked together at the same time.

this is the only truth don't ever let it slip away but even as i think this even before he's pulled out of me even while we are still together i am already thinking about someone else i am already gone.

dimanche, janvier 8

15 min of fame

holy crap i found a picture of myself on the judge jules website

i was very drunk, clearly.


so i made some updates to the ol' sidebar. sadly i had to delete a blog that i used to love that has been defunct for some time, and i was holding onto purely for sentimentality's sake. i also ditched the brain libations ('cause i read way too fast to keep up with it, and it was having the effect of making me appear as though i was just this side of illiterate) and also the on the decks 'cause i felt like it. i may add them back when i finally finish the waking up with sundae cd, but right now it's too big and ungainly and offends my ocd.

i also finally added phil and raymi after a year of stalking them and having a secret secret blogger crush on phil. nk reports that he is very very tall, so the crush may be somewhat weakening. i have some interesting lovelife updates for you, but seem to be having difficulty putting them into words. i'll try again later, though, i promise.

(this is raspberry speaking to herself for a moment. i'm going to lecture - feel free to tune out the same way you did when you were fourteen and your mom found beer in your room)
hey lady. this journal is a forum for you to get the swirly thoughts out of your head and onto the page. you know you always do better at sorting shit out that way, then you do strictly keeping it inside. write it down, lady, and stop stalling.
(lecture over)

vendredi, janvier 6

another frank sinatra so i can get you in bed

though there was never any real doubt before, let me just say, we kick ass. the office started to slowly empty out yesterday around about 2.30 as people made their way to their favourite watering holes. i hung around for another hour, then drove home listening to the pregame and puckdrop on the radio. i don't know if it's just that i spent so many of my formative years watching hockey night in canada, or if it's just something you are born with as a canadian, but i fully had goosebumps listening to the pregame.

gretzky predicted a 4-1 win for canada. he came pretty freakin' close. the final score was five-oh but i do believe that the *real* score was 5-1 (i won't begrudge the russians that one goal. pogge didn't need another shut out.) i love the fact that the russians are as passionate about this game as we are. i love the fact that the goalie chucked his stick across the ice, flew over the boards, and bawled his eyes out for five minutes. i love the fact that his coach stuck with him till the bitter end - he's a great goalie he just didn't have the magic the canadians did last night. i love the fact that, going into this tournament, no one believed that the canadian team would even make the medal round. i love the fact that the finnish team beat the us 'cause the americans are cocky and need to have their asses kicked around the world stage in at least one kind of arena (no offence to my us friends). it was just a great game, and there was good sportsmanship on behalf of the winning team and the winning audience and the energy in the crowd was palpable even through the television.

i hated the fact that scalpers were selling tix to this game for upwards of $800 'cause half of the money made from this tournament goes back to hockey canada and i believe in supporting amateur sports in whichever shape they take.

i have some personal stuff meandering around in my brain, but i'll write that later, after a glass or two of wine when i'm in my pj's in front of the fire, k?


mercredi, janvier 4

i'll be your number one with a bullet

i've managed to make my own blog nsfw for myself - i have to furtively ensure that there is no one behind me before i check for comments and/or the changes which i always hope have occurred, but never do (*ahem* german, ciavarro - stinkin' guest bloggers who never guest blog).

this is, of course, as opposed to my pre-digicam days, when i simply had to make sure that there were no higher-up boss types behind me before i checked on my bloggity. i do actually care whether or not my co-workers see my tah-tahs. other than the divine ms u, of course, 'cause she's seen 'em before.

so my poor 'puter is still in bits all over the table. this is a subtle improvement - it was in bits all over my floor, previously - but it is an improvement nonetheless. as soon as i've figured out what's wrong with it (and when i say *i*, i of course mean someone else) it will be put back together and the happy happy getting up with sundae cds will be compiled.

anyhooo... i should probably *pretend* to be working at least. this whole vacation thing messed me up royally - my sleep patterns are screwed, and i have absolutely no drive or ambition right now. i really was cut out for a life of scholarly pursuits which can be conducted from the comfort of your own home.

that or a straight up life of leisure - i'm easy.

lundi, janvier 2

work sux

so tomorrow morning i have to go back to work. i don't like going to work. i like my life of leisure. i would like to somehow maintain it. how can i do this, i wonder?

well, aside from taking a sugar daddy. actually, fuck that i'll take a sugar daddy. just keep in mind that you'll have to make enough to support me, you, and the kiddo. if you are good with that, i'm good with it as well. and i don't have a particularly extravagant lifestyle, though i do enjoy creature comforts such as dinners out weekly and nice shoes.

oh as a point of interest, the bumshot below was taken in W49's bedroom. he was in the shower. i took the opportunity of being left to my own devices in his apartment not to snoop, but to take pictures of myself posed on his furniture. somehow, i don't think he'll mind.

dating dilemma: so my sister's friend asked me for my number on friday night. i gave it to him. he sent me a text message on nye to say happy ny. i responded with a thanksyou, but should i call to say hiya? he's cute. i'd go out with him fo-sho. hm. perhaps i should just send back another witty text message. i'm so bad at this shit. i'm good at meeting someone and fanning the chemical attraction/reaction between us, but then from there on out i'm the worst. i never know how to act appropriately.

ok there - i text'd him back. let's see if that stirs up a little excitement, shall we? why not start the new year off with a... well see now i want to say bang, here, but i kind of already did that, now didn't i? let's just say a new adventure. yeah, that'll do, donkey. i'm in the mood for an adventure, or two. or hell, even three.

no not three - i'd get far too scattered for three. and, seriously, who has the energy?

dimanche, janvier 1

when it reigns

first off happy new year to everyone. i hope that oh6 is everything you hope it could ever be. ok lame year end list alert...

top five things that happened to me in 2005:

  1. discovering the constantines. yes it really did take me this long. yes i dreadfully regret it.
  2. learning how to wakeboard for my doublethird birthday
  3. touching dave grohl
  4. getting switched to another department at work and figuring out that it wasn't really *me* who sucked, it was my previous position.
  5. shagging in the churchyard

other stuff:

  • fave snack food of 2005 - it's a tie between dark chocolate peanut m&m's & kettle cooked firecracker hallapeeno peanuts
  • fave book of 2005 - eleanor rigby by douglas coupland
  • fave dj show of 2005 - mark farina & dj heather at the commodore
  • fave live band show of 2005 - constantines opening for the weakerthans
  • fave romantic moment of 2005 - sitting watching the sunset, drinking wine & eatin g burgers with tnb
  • fave blog post by me of 2005 - the church sex one i linked to above


enough of that shit. ok, so if you'll recall, my sister had invited a guy along to judge jules to introduce me to. turns out he's pretty cute. we had a decent conversation about work and stuff and he asked for my number. so i get home round about then log into le laptop and rori is on line and we talk for like an hour - the essence of the conversation being mostly about him actually being in love with me but being too afraid to admit it. so then i get to the island and spend new years with west49 and have a really good time and sometime after one my sister's budy shoots me a 'happy new year' text message and holy shit what the hell.

ug my belly hurts from too many firecracker jalapeno peanuts and a whole can of coc-a-cola.

hey, wolfie there's your ass photo. sorry it's six months late.. xoxo